Feeling guilty over Christmas plans

[Christmasguilt]

I really love Christmas but am just finding it hard to make plans that work for everyone and it’s really making me anxious.

Before having a child, DP & I used to spend it with our own families but obviously don’t want to do that now we have DS.

I think the fairest way is to alternate who we spend Christmas Day with each year but I just feel horrendous guilt that it leaves my parents on their own every other year. The other option is for me to spend it with my parents one year & my brother see them the next, but I know my mum will be disappointed not to see us all together.

Just feel like I’m treading on eggshells trying to keep everyone happy but ultimately know someone is always going to end up disappointed.

It's not your job to keep your parents happy. You have your own little family now and have to do what's best for them.

Christmas day is 1 day. There are lots of other days tou could see family. Chose your childs happiness, and let them have the day at home playing with toys.

just know my mum was so upset not to see us 2 years ago and I feel awful for making Christmas Day such a terrible day for her.

thats really unpleasant of you to ruin her xmas - what did you do?

Can you hire a few cottages together and all go away together?

Can you have drinks at one of the houses xmas morning and everyone come along with the clear instruction people must leave by 1pm so everyone can get their dinner?

That way everyone gets to see the children, spend some time chatting but then everyone goes home to their own dinners - its juts the turkey can be cooking and everything else can be cooked on their return.

Can your parents not come to your in-laws as you all live close?

These multi event Christmas Day plans people have sound awful 😭 can’t think of anything worse than having to have lunch at one house, traipse over to another house for a buffet, head somewhere else for drinks in the evening. Sounds exhausting. I’d much rather see people across a couple of weeks.

We always had Christmas Day with my mum’s family ( small family, just 6 of us at our house). Then around 6pm my dad would take us in the car to his parents house where all of my aunties, uncles and cousins would be. I used to want to spend Christmas Day there as it was always fun but turns out everyone only turned up in the evening anyway. You could maybe try something like splitting the day. We would also go to my mum’s family’s house on Boxing Day. You could alternate both Christmas Day and Boxing Day with both family’s. Maybe Christmas Day with your family this year and Boxing Day with his and do the opposite next year.

I hope you were being sarcastic when you said:

'thats really unpleasant of you to ruin her xmas - what did you do?'

If not, it's obviously because OP spent Christmas Day with her husband's parents for the first time since having a child and her mum made a big fuss and told OP how upset she was.

oh, I’ve miss read that, got confused. I thought op was owning up to something she done

Have everyone over for Boxing Day. Get some freezer bits, ask people to bring a bottle and they can watch DC open presents .

finally some common sense

yes! Its lovely to do things together if you want to do things together but children are not petting zoo animals that the larger family have a right to.

We used to have the same problem. I now say we (me DH and 2 DC 3&10) stay at home for lunch and whoever wants to visit us that day they can. We don’t even invite anyone for dinner. We just say we want the kids at home in their comfort playing with toys. It’s amazing how less stressful it is