To want my ex's new partner to keep to his weekends watching our son's football?

[SweetPinkPeas]

My ex husband and I have an 8-year-old son. We co-parent, and my ex has been with his new partner for around 18 months. I am yet to meet her.
Our marriage ended following years of emotional abuse and intimidating behaviour from my ex. There have also been angry confrontations since we separated, which have been upsetting for both me and our son. I'm in a much better place now, but the history inevitably affects how I feel about boundaries with him.
He is pushing for his partner to start attending our son's football matches. A year ago, when this first came up, she apparently acknowledged that I might prefer some events to remain between the parents. I've now said I'm happy for her to attend matches on my ex's weekends with our son, but I'd prefer to keep my own weekends and time with our son separate from her.
I'm not against her being in our son's life at all. I'd like to build a positive relationship with her and have offered to meet her for a coffee, just the two of us, away from football and my ex. I want us to have a respectful relationship, but I'm not ready for our parenting time to become increasingly blended and now the subject has been brought up again.
If I agree to her attending on my weekends, it will become the expectation at other events too.
I appreciate that football is a public event and I can't control who turns up. I'm talking about what I feel comfortable with and the expectations around our weekends.
AIBU to want to keep our weekends separate while still being open to building a relationship separately with his new partner?

Kill with kindness. Say yes and go out of your way to be best friends with her. With any luck you might get lucky and make a great friend with the added bonus that it might piss off your ex.

There's also every chance after a while the buzz of being in a relationship with him might wear off and she might want her weekends back.

Plus, if he's as bad as you say, maybe he's pressuring her and trying to control her time by saying she should "want to", rather than her actually wanting to be there.

I'd suck it up if she was genuinely kind to my DC. I'd not want to make an enemy of her just in case she took it out on my DS. 18 months is quite a while. Does your DS like her and is happy for her to be there? I'd be guided by that. If I found out she was not kind to ds there is no way I'd want her there.

If she and the child have built a relationship, she probably does.

Quite happy for ex and his wife to be at events, it's not about me it's about stability for the children..only a five minute fling wouldn't have been welcome

If what you’re saying about your ex is true. Tell her the more the merrier and make friends with her and literally sit with her. She won’t be around for ever. He certainly won’t have changed his emotionally abusive ways. Make the best of it because right now they can make you a common enemy and that brings people closer together. Let her see that you’re a great person. She must be crazy (or pressured) to want to sit in the rain watching football, I don’t want to do it for my own kids. When someone tells you you can’t have something it just makes you want it more. I’m quite surprised she hasn’t just ignored you tbh. It shows she’s maybe a decent person.