Feel like I’m going mad! And need some advice please. I’m late 30s and I should know better.
I was casually seeing (mostly just sex but I think there was a little feelings from us both), with a guy for a year let’s call him ‘Dan’. He wanted a break from the sex after his mum died and I agreed, he wasn’t in a good place mentally and we stayed talking everyday as friends and have been close as friends and I tried to be there for him the best I could while he was grieving. I’ve tried to detach a little but he will message me daily, and he will ask to call almost daily.
We are still on said break, I have a friend let’s call him ‘Jake’ who has been interested in me before but I’m not interested in him and the guy I’m on the break from constantly asks me if I’ve seen him or if he’s messaging me etc, and when I’m in the same town as this guy lives in he questions if I’m seeing this guy. If I don’t go on WhatsApp for a whole evening he will assume I’m with a guy. There is nothing going on with this Jake and I’ve told him I don’t see him that way.
This week ‘Dans’ friend contacted me as I saw him in a shop. I mentioned this in passing to ‘Dan’ who then asked me several times if I’m interested in this guy and made some jokes about me hooking up with him. Which today I replied “You know I’m not interested in him don’t you.” And he replied “I wouldn’t care if you were”
And now I’m so confused! I guess I wasn’t expecting him to be so blasé. His actions to me regardless of our history are very contradictory. He acts jealous, he acts like he cares, he’s definitely emotionally attached, he always tells me I’m the only one he feels like he can talk to about things and when we were having sex it was great. But then to just say in a completely non chalant way that he basically wouldn’t care if I got with his friend seems a bit weird given how jealous and how many questions I get about what this friend is messaging me and if I’m interested.
my friends keep telling me he’s an avoidant and he’s pulling away and saying these things when he feels like he’s getting too close to me. But I’m not sure, I feel like that’s the modern day equivalent of “boys are mean to you because they like you” it’s not always the truth!