AIBU to leave a job after just three weeks because it’s impacting my mental health?

[islifemorethanmum]

I recently started a new job after leaving a role I’d been in for nearly two years. I was genuinely excited about the opportunity, but it’s been a really difficult experience.

I was promised six weeks of handover and training, but the person I was replacing left after just seven working days. I’ve been left managing a significant workload while still trying to learn the systems and processes.

My immediate team have been lovely, but support from other departments has been lacking, and some interactions have felt quite unkind.

For context, I suffer with anxiety, so my working environment and the support around me make a huge difference to how I thrive. I’ve worked in demanding roles before and I’m more than capable of handling a busy workload, but I need to feel comfortable asking questions, particularly when I’m new.

The situation has completely knocked my confidence. I’ve been working late, constantly worrying and feeling physically sick at the thought of going into the office. It’s also affecting my home life.
I’ve raised my concerns with my manager, but my anxiety has reached the point where I’ve had to take time off.

I’m now considering resigning, but I have a young child, financial commitments and no other job secured. I’m actively applying and speaking with recruiters, but nothing is guaranteed.
I feel like a failure for wanting to leave so soon, but equally I can’t imagine continuing to feel this way.

AIBU to resign without another job lined up, or would you try to stick it out?

Well you might want to leave - but can you afford to ? How you gonna support your child and pay your bills if you quit your job ?

How would being unemployed with bills to pay and a young child to support make your mental health any better?

Kindly, your anxiety is not relevant to the other departments. This is your hill to climb - I’m sure you can do it - put your walking boots on and climb that bloody hill. You will be soooooo happy on the walk down.

Can you afford to? How long will you be able to pay your bills while you look for work?
Can you approach your old employer see if there are any openings with thrm?

Unless you have another source of financial support (such as husband with a very good job), you risk putting yourself in a precarious financial position by giving up your job. That will be even more stressful, so the trick here is to manage your anxiety.

Every job I’ve ever had has been a “sink or swim” situation. Despite the fact they’ve offered heaven and earth in terms of handover, it has literally never happened, so I’ve just had to crack on. You were resilient enough to go through the recruitment process, you are absolutely resilient enough to deal with the job. You CAN do this!

Time off after 3 weeks is really not great.

7 days handover is also quite long (compared to my work, lucky to get a day or two!)

I would try to keep going as maybe your anxiety is playing tricks on you a little.
Make clear to your manager what you need to get up to speed on the role and go from there.

How did your manager respond when you raised it?

You could reframe it?
As you say you have worked in demanding roles before. This is a different demand but you are capable and can manage this.
Instead of I need to feel comfortable asking questions reframe it to ‘I am been placed in a situation where asking questions is necessary so I can perform at my best so I will ask questions and feel comfortable doing so.
My immediate team of lovely. The less polite individuals are not aware, nor do they care about the pressure I’m under. But they are not my immediate team so it doesn’t matter really.
It’s entirely possible your anxiety is disproportional to the actual situation.
In this situation I would be honest with my manager- you were promised 6 weeks of Hanover and got 7 days. What are they going to do to plug this gap. Write your self some boundaries. Give it a bit longer eg a month and then if really nothing improves resign.

Give it more time, new roles are always stressful initially.

3 weeks is not long, give it a bit more time OP.

Oh dear.....in pretty much any job it takes longer than three weeks to settle in....

Do you have any medication to take for your anxiety?
I think anyone in this situation would be feeling some anxiety - perhaps you need to take something or strategise to get you back to your baseline. Is that possible?
Theres no guarantee that changing your circs will make you feel any better.

OP I can relate, having recently started a new job I have felt stressed, waking up worrying in the night and generally feeling overwhelmed, teary and like i’m failing. i dread going to the office. However i’m saying this in the knowledge that all new jobs are horrible at first. but with every week it will get easier, so I would keep going. you are in the toughest bit.

If you aren’t getting the help you need from the wider team, raise this with your manager.

another way to reframe it is, you shouldn’t have to leave your workplace, because people are being unhelpful

Hang on in there OP. It sounds like there are good things about the job, and starting anywhere is going to be hard. I agree that the thing to do is have a chat about your manager about the best way to get your questions answered. The chances are that you have got through the hardest bit and that it will get a little bit easier every week from here on in.

It's early days. I'd give it a year to settle down. Being without a job is also stressful. Sounds like you're being too hard on yourself. Why did you leave your other job? Those reasons are still valid

Go for it, it will get better. I found a new job always took a month or so before I felt even slightly comfortable and six months before I felt confident.

I had a job I hated too and quitting was a huge relief. However I didn’t have the bills to worry about.

In your position I’d move the anxiety over to them! Ask them what is happening instead of the 6 week handover? Explain you’ve not been shown how to do what you need. And if people aren’t helping and neither is the manager then you could worst case always quite quit. Just do what you have been told about.

Not sure but anythings better than having a breakdown surely?....unless she goes on long term sick and looks fir another job whilst on sick leave

Are you getting any therapy or other support for your anxiety? Your reaction sounds quite extreme. I know it can be stressful to learn new systems, but it might settle down after a while. Perhaps you need some support (therapy, medication) to help you get through it.

I can relate, though. The last time I started a new job I felt utterly frazzled for a few weeks, it was so hard.

I could have written your post, without the anxiety complication, 20 years ago.

I knew within six weeks I wanted out, but struggled to find anything. After nine months - I was on three months' notice so it would like like a one year fixed term contract on my CV if no-one asked - I quit without another job to go to. Yes, I was worried about the roof over my head but I reasoned that I'd end up taking my own life either way anyway.

It lifted a huge weight off my shoulders and I got the next job I interviewed for. I was replaced by three people and none of them lasted 12 weeks - vindication, but sad.

@islifemorethanmum Can you give an example of the unkind interractions please.

Ar you on meds for your anxiety and can they be upped?

What exactly is it you do that needed a six week handover? I've only ever had a couple of meetings and a set of handover notes.

Get yr CV out and see what's out there. As a rule of thumb, you can hide or explain a 3 to 6 month job; beyond that you need to stick it for two years.

I walked out of my last job after about two months. Went back the following day and swore I'd be out of the disorganised sh1t hole within six months. It was toxic and dysfunctional. Five years later, I was made a director. Stayed 14 years in the end.

Give it a go.

No you’re not being unreasonable to think of doing that but nobody here can give you a leading answer.
given your feelings of anxiety around this I’d think very carefully about reading all of these posts.
have you got friends or family you can talk to? X

If ever there was a job that you need to be firm and assert boundaries, this is it. And you can do it. Simply say that you are not working additional hours until you e fully learned the job, that you need adequate training and that you can manage a reasonable workload. Put it down in writing (nicely) to cover yourself. They will respect you for sticking up for yourself and hopefully things will improve.

A 6-week handover is a long old time. Unless it is a completely new field and skill set after 7 days you should be able to hold your own to a degree.