to ask you to help me decide if I should go to my works xmas party

[user8877788]

Ok so I know it's only October but work have started arranging the Christmas party and I'm already feeling anxious.
I have worked there for 15 years and up until 2020 attended all the Christmas parties. Then Covid hit and we didn't have any. I was then diagnosed with cancer had 6 months off and was bullied after I returned and it that moment decided I would never go to a staff party again.
But know I feel I should try and go to try and be part of the team but at the same time feel really anxious. I don't have a work 'bestie' anymore to sit next too which makes it a bit harder.
The meal is going to be at a small local restaurant so won't be loud or dancing etc
So please help me decide if I should go 😉

YABU - Go
YANBU - Don't go

I always begrudgingly go to these and I've never particularly enjoyed them im saying no this year

My team at work are nice and I still don't go! Definitely don't feel obliged. I'm pregnant this year so it's even easier to say no but if I'd had your experience I'd absolutely say no! Nobody remembes them anyway.

You could go along for a while and then when you've had enough just leave without saying anything to anyone, a French exit.

Just politely decline, I do every year simply because it is not my thing. Next year will be easier if you choose not to go. We got our email today and everyone presumed I would not attend. I always tell them that I hope they have a great time.

@user8877788 I mean, it's been 6 years since you've attended, the bully has left, and your current is okay/possibly nice. I'd probably push through the anxiety and try again this year to get over the hump. This is coming from someone who also has event/commitment anxiety at times too, so I get it x. If you don't like it, then you don't have to bother ever again. Covid and immediately post-Covid were really weird years and the worst came out of a lot of people.

To reiterate some of the questions @pizzaHeart mentioned and adding my own:

• Who is paying?
• If you have to pay, what are the associated costs? Ex: transportation, food + drinks, hotel room, clothes, hair/makeup, etc
• Do you like the food the restaurant offers?
• How far away is it? Would you have to stay overnight?
• Do you have to stay for the whole time or can you just meet them for the drink or dessert sections of the meal?
• Do you have childcare?
• How many people are attending? Is it a small or big enough amount that it won't overwhelm you?

You get my drift. 🙂

Go if you want, if not, invent a reason not to go. Who pays?

I used to go for the free meal & drinks at a restaurant - order what you like & put it on the bill. This year they've shifted it to the boss's house - I'm guessing bbq & basic desserts. If lucky some soft drink & byo alcohol. Value won't even cover the cost of the stupid secret Santa (steal game) I'd have to buy for each of us. Some staff have mentioned they can't drink because they have to drive as boss lives 30 min drive out of town!

Thankfully it clashes with something so we can't go (whole family invited). It has to be worth my while as it's really dull & I'm not part of the clique so basically get ignored. I suspect it'll keep being held at boss's house from now on, so I'll keep having clashes. Tbh I think they're just being cheap.

I used to love my previous workplace ones - at lunch & pay for yourself. It was fun. So decide if you want to go, or don't. Excuses are easy to come by