to ask you to help me decide if I should go to my works xmas party

[user8877788]

Ok so I know it's only October but work have started arranging the Christmas party and I'm already feeling anxious.
I have worked there for 15 years and up until 2020 attended all the Christmas parties. Then Covid hit and we didn't have any. I was then diagnosed with cancer had 6 months off and was bullied after I returned and it that moment decided I would never go to a staff party again.
But know I feel I should try and go to try and be part of the team but at the same time feel really anxious. I don't have a work 'bestie' anymore to sit next too which makes it a bit harder.
The meal is going to be at a small local restaurant so won't be loud or dancing etc
So please help me decide if I should go 😉

YABU - Go
YANBU - Don't go

I wouldn't go - such things are my idea of hell. I can still be part of the team without attending these things, I see most of them all day every day and that's enough.

Who is paying?
Do you like the food which the restaurant offer?
Do you think you will be the only one not going?
What would you do on the day instead of going ?

Don't go, they're awful

YANBU. Typed by someone planning to use a day of precious annual leave and faux family birthday to get out of mine!

Sounds like you won't enjoy it not to mention the anxious build up. MUG IT OFF!!😘

Also do you have a problem with finding an outfit?
I would have a problem with this and it would affect my decision significantly that why I asked.

Your instincts will tell you straight away whether to go or not. I think not going is where you are heading. So don't bother. These parties are hell on wheels, as if it wasn't torture enough to have to work with the sods every day, you now have to pretend you like them haw haw, you look GORGEOUS, shit talk, not meaning a word of it, and willing the dessert to be done so you can leg it.

A drinks only gathering is not too bad, you can mingle and escape pretty easily, but a sit down meal is guaranteed to be torture, since you are guaranteed to be sitting beside your bully or the most boring person on the planet or each of them on either side of you!.

Don't bother going. Sorry to say, no one will miss you really. They might try to encourage you to go but just say I can't. No other explanations needed, it's not work and you are not being paid to give up four or five hours + travel time for this.

As you can guess I dodged every Christmas party throughout my career. Didn't do me any harm in the promotion stakes anyway!

Nope,

I stopped doing all that sort of stuff years ago when I realised that I'd far rather just go home after work and get into my pjs. I don't care if people at work think I'm unsociable or not a 'team player'. I'm pleasant and affable whilst there, but I'm not going to socialise in my free time.

It's so much nicer to not do things you don't want to. You don't want to go by the sound of things, so don't! If you don't have a friend to be with, then these are just colleagues and you don't owe them any of yourself.

Forget being anxious - make it clear as soon as the subject is raised that you won't be going. You don't need to give a reason. Be vague if you like, but simply say, 'I won't be able to make it; have a good time'.

Keep repeating, 'I've got various things on' if challenged as to why. You don't need to offer an explanation.

I wouldn't go, I don't go to mine, it's just work with food and alcohol. Everyone sits with their usual friends (understandably) and although I try my best to be friendly and have worked there many years I have no one I can sit with for the evening. It's a shame really.

I don’t go to Christmas parties. Nobody really cares.

If I get invited to these things, I just say 'no thank you', and don't elaborate.

I never go to these things.

”no thanks” is a complete sentence

I hated work Xmas parties and DS never goes to his. They are an ordeal.

Do you want to?

Since being diagnosed with cancer, I don’t do any shit I don’t want to do anymore!

If you found out your child’s nativity play was the same evening or your mum’s 80th birthday party and you couldn’t go, would you feel relieved or disappointed? There’s your answer.

You have come to the right place if you want permission not to go. Mumsnet hates work Christmas parties. In real life everyone I know goes and has a great time. I say go and enjoy yourself.

I got the job of organising our xmas do this year. Yes its disappointing if people don't come but I don't hold it against them, I've tried to be as inclusive as possible within the parameters set and we all accept that we all have different lives/responsibilities. Say no and enjoy your time away from it! 😊

Not my experience.

I worked for a big bank in canary wharf/city in the early 2000s. The bank paid for the parties, incredible food, dancing, entertainment, so much free booze. I was 24 and living my best life.

Now, at 48, perimeno, everything aches, I'm falling asleep by 5pm. Socialise with colleagues? Not on your nelly!

I'd normally say it's good to go to things, because workmates spend most of the day with you, you're likely to have some shared interests/values etc...but these people bullied you after cancer? No.

In your circumstances, no way. They sound horrible.

@user8877788 has the bully left? If so, go. If they will be there, I’d skip it.

We don’t bother in our team we do a bring a plate Christmas buffet day when we all bring bits in instead of paying loads of money to go out and we combine it with a Christmas jumper day and a secret Santa some years. My days of going out to overpriced December seasonal menu nights out are long gone!!

No Dont go.. I dont go to any social events from work.. My social life is away, dont mix it!!

I just say no most years - they have now moved it to during work hours and I just work or book holiday. Last year they booked somewhere an hour away. Like I am going to go to that.....

The bully has left. I distance myself from my colleagues a lot because of my past. The ones I work with now are ok.

Not a chance would I be traipsing out in winter to a boring restaurant meal with people I didn't really want to talk to if the very thought made me anxious. You can be part of the team during work hours. Making small talk for a few hours after work is neither here nor there.
The only reasons I'd go would be if I really wanted to try the rresturant or I genuinely liked some of the team and thought I would like to get to know them better or i thought it would do me good to push through my anxiety.
I'm fairness I've reached the point where I don't do anything that's not essential, relaxing or enjoyable, and I'm so much happier for it.