Am I making a big mistake?

[Rainbowstar1432]

I have two school aged children, seven and four and a husband.

I got made redundant on maternity leave with the second and I couldn’t find a job straight away so I started freelancing. I found that I could make a lot of money and have a lot of flexibility. My only concern was whether it was furthering my long-term career and would it ultimately damage my CV.

A job was advertised after I had been freelancing for almost 3 years that was my dream job in many ways. The downside was it was full-time with fixed office days. I discussed it with my husband and we decided that as it was only a 12 month fixed term contract it would be a good way to test out going back to full-time. Long story short, I got the job and I’ve now been doing it for nine months.

The wider context is that my husband works shifts. The hours of these mean that there are weeks where he is completely out of the picture on parenting. I would say my parent on my own at least 50% of the time. The shifts make getting childcare difficult because there’s no fixed days so I rely on full wraparound at school which gives me a day of 7.45am to 6pm.

I have been shocked at how difficult this has made our weeks. I struggled to get back from central London for the 6 pm pick up constantly, have no time to do homework, music practice or even really feed the kids before I need to get them sorted to bed. I then have to pick up work in the evening because I’ve left early and sort all household jobs at the same time.

Then by the time my husband is back in the picture on some off days I’m completely exhausted but I have to spend the whole time working to make up for the time I’m missing for the weeks when he’s not here. I feel like I am constantly chasing my tail.

My boss has just asked me if I would like to extend my contract when it expires and do another 6 to 12 months. I have said no to put my family first, but I am doubting myself and worrying about whether I’ve made a huge mistake.

My question is, am I just a snowflake/disorganised/an idiot for finding this hard? Should I just suck it up and get on with it for another year so it looks good on my CV? It is a senior role with a top tech company. Or should I go back to consulting, earn more money and start enjoying family life again?

YABU - stick with the job for the future prospects

YABNU - chuck it in, life is too short to be miserable

Also what does my husband on his days off? Watch the nanny look after the kids?!

Not RTFT but is it really a choice between offlice based 9-5 and freelancing? Could you WFH when your husband is away or a few days a week? They clearly like you, they want you to stay, would you stay if they could reorganise your hours?

you can either (a) give the nanny a day off (b) ask nanny to do lots of laundry / tidying / batch cooking (c) DH can sometimes take one kid out for a 'treat' of 'tea with Dad' and let the other kid stay at home with nanny. swap things around a bit.

you might even be lucky enough to find a nanny who is prepared to flex hours around DHs schedule - our after-school nanny was an older lady who wanted part-time hours to boost her pension and so could be flexible with a bit of notice.

Can you say yes to staying on by negotiate some WFH days?

Your DH could clean and batch cook and change beds etc on his days off whilst the nanny looks after the DC. Then once nanny has finished for the day you all have a clean house and meals.

Surely that's what you're rushing around trying to fit in OP ? (So DH can do it on his days off and without DC).

For a child who has just started Reception that day is far too long. Something has to give.