Ive been her main support for the last 20 years since her husband died (step dad.) Through raising children and working part time I made sure I saw her at least twice weekly, often more, to help her with gardening, shopping, life admin etc. Daily phone calls to keep an eye. She lives 45-60 minutes away, traffic depending, a horrible busy drive, so its never been easy to just pop in, its always a 4-6 hour stint when I see her. Im 60 and have a progressive health condition that causes pain and fatigue and which is not well controlled the last few years. I now dread the thought and experience of the drive (bad roads jolt me and its just thoroughly unpleasant, and tiring,) and I have come to resent seeing her. I have been very clear about my limitations but the second I walk through the door she has a list of things for me to do. I am exhausted trying to hold my own life together, it feels over whelming taking on hers as well. I have organised a weekly cleaner/carer and a gardener for her, she wont accept further help from outsiders. I have recently dropped to one visit a week and occasional calls because I am burnt out and depressed. But I even resent that. It seems to have triggered past issues for me. She moved out and left me with my abusive dad when I was a teen, and didnt keep in touch after. She only thinks of me (or anyone, to be fair) when she needs something. Until now I thought Id got my head around all of that, and accepted her for the inherently self centered, selfish person she has always been, feeling some relationship was better than none. But I have never been looked after by her....and suddenly I find I dont want to look after her any more. Just feels a bit unkind to decide this now, when she is 90. Not even sure why Im posting, just needed to write it down perhaps.