AIBU to be upset over friends comment about my clothing?

[Sunshine231]

I went for drinks with my friend this afternoon. It was just a casual thing. Not to a posh bar or anything. I was wearing a coat I wear quite often. I have had compliments on the jacket before. I met with my friend and we were walking into the bar and she said “I love you but that jacket is awful”. AIBU to feel hurt and upset by this comment? We were already out so no chance for me to change the jacket so it just made me feel really insecure and embarrassed. I’ve been through a hard time lately and have pretty low self esteem which my friend is aware of. I made it clear the comment had hurt my feelings and my friend said I was over reacting and it’s ok for her not to like my jacket. Am I being overly sensitive or is it a bit cruel of her to tell me that at a time when I had no option to change what I was wearing?

Maybe it is awful and she thought it needed saying,

That’s exactly how I feel about it. I don’t see how it helped anyone her telling me since we were already out so I couldn’t get changed even if I wanted to. It’s not “constructive criticism” if I can’t do anything about it in that moment 🤷‍♀️

She was very rude. I'm sure the jacket is fine, and anyway, the only opinion that counts is yours.

Personally, I would have been tempted tell her "well, I like it" and leave it at that.

I think you’re right, I do feel I’m overly sensitive about other people’s opinions. I’m not long out of my relationship with my kids dad and he could be quite unkind to me and also cheated on me. It left me with very little self confidence. So I think what she said has touched a nerve

No it’s not sentimental. I’m a bit sensitive about my appearance at the moment. It was a cheap enough coat that I am happy to get rid of. It’s more just in the moment I felt so embarrassed because I then had to continue wearing it in public after that comment. It was cold out and I didn’t have another jacket with me. I think if she’d said it while we were getting ready together at home I might not have minded so much as I could have changed it but in the moment I just felt like shit

A simple “I don’t recall asking for your opinion” would have gone a long way here.

You do need to be a bit more assertive! You like the coat, it’s probably not to everyone’s taste but isn’t that the point with clothing?? Not everyone wears or likes the exact same things so who cares if she doesn’t like it?

If she does it again, tell her that you can take the coat off but she's stuck with her face…

Why would she even say that?! I can’t imagine any of my friends saying that to me, and I never would to them, whatever I thought of what they were wearing! Rude and unnecessary

I also wouldn’t ever say it to anyone so I was quite taken aback. She has never been unkind about my appearance before. I have been friends with her for years and one of her replies when I told her it upset me was that she thought we were at a stage in our friendship that we could just be honest with each other which is fine but still I feel there’s a time and place for that kind of brutal honesty

How rude of her! I have a friend (as rich as Croesus) who’ll turn up to the fanciest of venues looking like a mad bag of washing. I’d never say anything to her, even though sometimes her clothes are downright embarrassing.

Sorry OP - that was incredibly rude of your ‘friend’. I would have been tempted to say ‘well good job you’re not the one wearing it then!’

Is your friend Helena Bonham-Carter by any chance?!

😂 Now you say that, she has a similar vibe.

I think it's a really mean comment designed to undermine you. I would ask her why she thinks it's ok to say something like that to you. Make her squirm

Why do you hold her opinion in higher regard than your own judgement?

The answer isn’t to want to change it, it’s to tell her that you’re very happy with it thank you and she can keep her opinions on your clothing choices to herself in future.

Depends how close you are and how it was said. A lot of my long standing friends would say something like that, and we’d have a good laugh about it. We take the piss out of one another all the time.

Don’t get rid of it on her say so. Hold fire, and see how you feel next week. Ask some other friends. It’s possible it’s lost its stuffing and needs replacing, but it’s also possible your friend was in a funny mood and just took against it.

what did you gain from her telling you? You felt crap. Did she gain anything? Maybe she got to feel a bit smug/ better than you. Maybe she thinks her opinion is more important than yours.

Try to let it go, if you like the jacket screw her opinion!!

if it happens again say. Opinions are like arseholes. Everyone has one”

What a bitch. She knew exactly what she was saying and how to put you down. I’m not exactly sure how I’d come back to her on this one but pp have suggested some good ones.

It was only cheap so I’ll just get rid of it now but it was just the timing felt a bit off as we had only just got out and I didn’t have an option but to be wearing it at the time. Maybe it was a bit worn. I won’t especially miss it. I just felt a bit sad to be put down by someone who I thought cared about me

What's the jacket like?

But would you really change your jacket because someone else didn't like it? That's quite sad 😕 surely you can just say 'that's ok if you don't like it - I like it and you don't have to wear it'! Wouldn't life be boring if we all liked the same things!?

Don’t get rid of it! Theres nothing wrong with your jacket! It’s just a coat and doesn’t define you. It’s trivial. What’s not trivial is how rude your friend was! So horrible. I think you should spend less time with this person in future.

Don't get rid of it. Ignore her

Maybe a reply like "well i like it" followed by " who pissed on your chips?"

How would you feel if another friend told you tomorrow that they loved the jacket? And you’d just got rid of it!

Her opinion is not important .yours is