To be upset over her decision?

[OctoberBlueSkies]

I have been best friends with this person for almost 20 years - she is god mother to both my children.

I recently separated from my partner of 9 years, father to both my children (youngest is under a year old) I’ve moved back in with my parents with the children and I’m getting by how I can.

My friend messaged me to say that her partner says he does not think it’s best for me to be a godmother when her child is christened later this year, due to “my circumstances not being ideal” basically my situation wouldn’t be good enough for their child.

I appreciate they can have who they like - but AIBU to feel like this is a kick in the teeth?

If you intend to continue with the friendship then go to the christening. To stay away would be seen as sour grapes rather than genuine hurt feelings.

But I wouldn’t want to be friends with them after that.

Depends what weight they put on the role. I consider it to be "someone I love dearly that I want to be especially involved in my child's life." It seems he considers it "the person I want to raise my child if I die" and yeah, you're a single mum, living with your parents. You're not an ideal candidate for that in all honesty are you?

That was a horrible message to send. They dont have to have you as a god parent but they could have made up an excuse instead of kicking you while youre down. Also your friend is hiding behind her partner. She's making this decision too but is putting it all on him. Id point that out to her.

They sound very judgemental. Hope their marriage never falls on hard times.

This. She’s no friend.

I am (reasonably) religious in that I've been christened, confirmed, had all my DC christened and attend Church sporadically on a handful of occasions each year. I would put 'Christian' down on forms and certainly believe in God.

I would never have sent that to a friend, and would have had you as Godmother to my children. You haven't done anything wrong; marriages don't always work out and it isn't for others to decide that that's some kind of parental failure. It's appallingly judgemental and just a horrible thing to send. Even if she or they had decided they weren't going to ask you to be GM they didn't need to spell out the reason why!

I would be upset at the message, rather than the decision to not make me GM; that's their choice. But they have used it as an excuse to express their opinion of your morals and faltering marriage. I would not go to the Christening. Why would you, when they have made it clear they disapprove of your life?

I would go non-contact with them never mind worry about attending the christening - they sound awful and totally unsupportive to you I couldn’t forgive that level of unkindness myself.

That’s horrible, I wouldn’t attend the christening. I’m also wondering whether they think now that you’re a single parent that you won’t be able to get their child good enough Christmas and birthday presents?

How out of character is this?

I had one friend who I phased out because I realised a pattern of 'tactical tactlessness' whenever things were going well for me and less well for her.

But if it was a completely uncharacteristic moment of madness/misunderstanding I'd let it go

It depends on the reason. If he cheated on you, or just left because he didn't want to be married, that seems really unfair.