To be upset over her decision?

[OctoberBlueSkies]

I have been best friends with this person for almost 20 years - she is god mother to both my children.

I recently separated from my partner of 9 years, father to both my children (youngest is under a year old) I’ve moved back in with my parents with the children and I’m getting by how I can.

My friend messaged me to say that her partner says he does not think it’s best for me to be a godmother when her child is christened later this year, due to “my circumstances not being ideal” basically my situation wouldn’t be good enough for their child.

I appreciate they can have who they like - but AIBU to feel like this is a kick in the teeth?

If you separated because you had an affair then that's fair enough - Godparents are supposed to be a moral compass. Otherwise, that's a shitty thing to do.

Wow, what a horrible thing to say!

The role of a god parent is more of a symbolic one. You separating doesn’t make you a bad person.

She did say “her partner” said. Maybe ask what she thinks? Or just ignore them, it’s a horrible message.

What a pair of twats. I would be seriously rethinking the friendship.

No, I certainly didn’t have an affair. We are both co parenting reasonably well, we may well work things out in time. Yes she said “my partner thinks it maybe would not be the best upbringing for (their son) so it’s best that you’re not godmother, you don’t need any more on your plate” (or words to that affect)

Her partner is a mysoginistic moron and she’s even worse. She could’ve at least lied and not repeat his words to you.

Since you say partner not husband , they can’t be terribly religious and against divorce , which would still be shitty and bonkers, but slightly understandable.

They were very insensitive and mean or even cruel to bring your situation up as a reason for not choosing you to be a Godparent. I don't think I would want to continue the friendship after this. They are free to choose their Godparents but your life is none of their business.

Ooh ouch that is hurtful. I am guessing that he means you already have a lot on your plate and don't really have any spare energy for their child.

Some people take Godparents very seriously as someone who might be prepared to take an interest in the the child's wellbeing if anything should happen to the parents. That would be a lot to put on you just now.

I would reply Ouch really?

Do you think I should even attend the christening at all?

Well I assume they'll also remove themselves from their child's life should they have any marital difficulties 🙄 dicks.

@Bigteamug that’s what I’m wondering

YANBU to be disappointed and upset

But, be thankful that you've found out now.

Your "friend" is either using her partner as an excuse or shes letting him make decisions that would impact your friendship. Both those situations are poor.

"he thinks" she can't justify the action herself so she has to use the excuse its the partners fault.

be thankful you've found out that your "circumstances" are even a consoderation in her decision making process.

YANBU to be upset and hurt but you should be glad you've see their colours.

I would tell her you no longer wish to be friends as “her situation isn’t ideal”

I say this as a single mum who’s been berated by my own family for my decision to leave my cheating ex and do this alone. Everything is “well you chose the harder life.” Cut it off now, whilst you can.

I wouldn't go to the christening and gradually fade from her. That's a really nasty thing to say

Do they view the role of godparent in the old fashioned sense of being the ones who would give the child a home if the parents died? Because surely it’s more a symbolic role these days and an unlikely scenario anyway? Also how can they guarantee that whoever they choose never has a change in circumstances? I think they’re being a bit ridiculous and I would be hurt. Tell them how it’s made you feel, don’t just take it on the chin. It’s a bit of a kick while you’re down in my opinion.

Well, the parents aren’t exactly in a good situation either if not husband and wife…

I was going to ask the same. Do they intend for god parents to also be named in their wills as a legal guardian? If not and it’s just a symbolic title then it’s quite shitty and I would be quietly withdrawing from the friendship.

They sound awful. Total lack of compassion and empathy.

I wouldn't be able to resist replying "looks like I'm not the only one with partner problems!"

GodParents were traditionally expected to take on guardianship of orphans. You have your hands full, coping by yourself (well done) so perhaps that is what he means.

Badly phrased but maybe try not to see it as an insult.

Well it’s a ‘get out of jail free’ card if you want it to be.

By saying ‘you’re probably right, I have a lot going on at the moment so I’ll not attend the Christening. Thanks for your understanding. Hope it all goes well’.

This. She’s shown you exactly who she is. Drop the rope x

So would I. Although if I did believe in God, I would not say the ‘Hope it goes well’ part as that would be a lie.

What a cow!

“For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
Matthew 7:1-2

I would write that in the christening card

I'm not religious but assumed godparents were just a symbolic thing? I'd be reconsidering my friendship here, tbh.