Another will one - Interested in opinions and what would you do ?

[whattothinkhere]

I'm going to state the facts on this objectively and would welcome opinions on what you would do in such a scenario:

Two parents, now 80 and 81, of sound mind and good health for their age. Estate of about £300k.

Parents have good relationships with their 2 daughters. However, do not like either of their husbands!

DD1 age 49. Married for some 20 years. 3 children. DH earns about £150k. She earns about £15k from what she describes as creative 'hobby' job. House value is approx £1.5m with no mortgage.

DD2 age 51. Also married for about 20 years. Also 3 children. Does not work. DH earned a lot of money over the years. House worth £6m with no mortgage and considerable family assets accrued.

Parents have informed DD2 that they would like to leave their estate to DD1 as 'she needs it more.' DD2 accepts DD1 probably does 'need it more' but feels, in the same position, she would treat her children equally out of principle (especially as DD1 is not exactly living in poverty herself). However, DD2 has agreed to the plan.

Would you do the same if you were the parents here?

YABU - leave it all to DD1
YANBU - share equally

Equally.
dh’s grandfather did something similar - four children and divided estate between two as he felt they needed more support. One was insistent that he didn’t want the money and gave it all to charity and continued to live a very frugal lifestyle.

It's not on you treat all your children fairly.
How awful trying to divide a family like that.

My father decided to leave his estate to 3 of his 5 children. He died 1 year after changing his will. In that year I doubt I saw him more than 4 times even though I knew he had a terminal illness. My feelings about him changed in an instant.

He died 11 years ago and I've seen his widow (my step mother) only a handful of times since. Same reason.

Dear god, I'd give up my share of 150k to ditch these toxic people. No amount of money is worth putting up with this shit.

Are you DD2?

Maybe it's just me, but I'd be thrilled to think that my adult children had ended up so financially secure that any money I left them (equally split) would only serve as a token, final confirmation of my love for them, but not actually needed to improve their lives at all.

Neither of those options. I'd leave £50k to each grandchild instead as it would seem the most sensible thing, and would be directing the money to people who have a greater use for it.

This! I'd be ashamed of my kids if they were both not working and living off a man. I'd give it to a charity where it goes to a cause that deserves and needs it.

Eh?? Neither of them need it. Give it to someone who actually does! PM me 😉😏

Do the parents not realise that they are creating an unreasonable situation between the daughters which might lead to them falling out?

Ashamed? There are other ways to be productive in life than giving up your life for a pay cheque. I'd be ashamed of someone who judged my value entirely on what money I earned or what job I had.

Thanks for the replies - it's really good to hear opinions. Very grateful.

It's not about a 'pay cheque' it's about contributing to society, self respect, challenging yourself and being a good role model for your children. I don't believe, in modern day, that any woman is a good role model if they are relying on a man to fund their lives.

Nowhere did I judge how much money a person earns or the type of job they do. It doesn't matter whether you're cleaning toilets or saving lives, you're still being useful and making a contribution.