Another will one - Interested in opinions and what would you do ?

[whattothinkhere]

I'm going to state the facts on this objectively and would welcome opinions on what you would do in such a scenario:

Two parents, now 80 and 81, of sound mind and good health for their age. Estate of about £300k.

Parents have good relationships with their 2 daughters. However, do not like either of their husbands!

DD1 age 49. Married for some 20 years. 3 children. DH earns about £150k. She earns about £15k from what she describes as creative 'hobby' job. House value is approx £1.5m with no mortgage.

DD2 age 51. Also married for about 20 years. Also 3 children. Does not work. DH earned a lot of money over the years. House worth £6m with no mortgage and considerable family assets accrued.

Parents have informed DD2 that they would like to leave their estate to DD1 as 'she needs it more.' DD2 accepts DD1 probably does 'need it more' but feels, in the same position, she would treat her children equally out of principle (especially as DD1 is not exactly living in poverty herself). However, DD2 has agreed to the plan.

Would you do the same if you were the parents here?

YABU - leave it all to DD1
YANBU - share equally

This!

Of course it should be split equally. But then again all parties involved sound so entitled annd obnoxious I think I’d give it all to charity .

Leave it to the grandkids

Regarding the pp's comment, neither if the sisters need or have even particularly thought about inheritance. If anything, both would rather they spent it (although it's their house that is the main asset). DD2 has been informed of the decision, that's it. She didn't ask! To be honest, there may well be no inheritance anyway if one of the parents ever needed longer-term specialised care fees or something like this, and realistically, it will be DD2's family who would probably need to pay for this if the parents' assets are not enough. It's really not about 'circling around money,' more a question about the principle of the matter.

Neither of the daughters needs the money so the argument in favour of DD1 is ridiculous. So it should be split, or given to the GC or left to the cats' home*

The trouble with giving it to one child is that money is being equated with love.

*other charities are available.

This is even more of a piss take.

They’re happy to leave nothing to DD2 if they have anything left to give or they are happy for DD2 to pay for their care if their money runs out.

By the looks of it, it either costs DD2 £150k of lost inheritance or god knows how much on care costs.

They have total disrespect for DD2.

On this basis, DD2 should be adamant that if their money runs out they will be put in council social care.

How do you know they're circling around their parents' money?

If they weren't interested they'd just shrug and get on with their lives. But I do take your point.

This. Even moreso if the 16 year old is DD2s

They are getting on with their lives. This relates to a phone call from the DF to DD2 when he told her that he hopes she understands, but as she didn't need his money, he's going to have to leave it to DD1 as she needs it more.

The only rationale given was that DD1's DH is a 'stingy bastard' (they have partly separate finances, whereas DD2 and her husband do not). The parents particularly hate him - there is a dynamic where they slag off one daughter's husband to the other daughter and vice versa. This has been going on for years, but they're unlikely to change now, so its best to just ignore it.

The DF will not engage with the idea that his estate is likely to be eaten up by care fees anyway. He is not one for financial planning.

The parents sound 'misguided' at best; thwarted in a desire to be manipulative at worst. However much there is left of their money when they die will, in effect, be nothing more than a token gift to their DDs - neither of whom really need it, or will likely even greatly notice it coming in to the bank account... so it sounds like their decision is in fact purely based on popularity and favouritism, and the "She needs it more" excuse is nothing more than a transparent pretext.

I would leave both daughters something like £25,000 (enough for a really nice holiday maybe) and the rest to charity. I would treat the daughters equally.

'Stingy bastard' or not, it sounds like he happily pays to support their affluent joint lifestyle. and if they ever do end up divorcing, she will get half of 'his' money anyway.

This is just wild conjecture, but I would briefly wonder if the DF had, at some point in the past, approached SIL1 and asked him for a chunk of cash for whatever reason... and if he said "Sorry, I can't do that", whether that forever sealed his reputation with DF as a 'stingy bastard'.

Without a doubt equal.
Non of us know what's around the corner

At the very least fine....give dd2 a bit less but otherwise share eaually

I appreciate they don't want to, but personally I'd skip to DGC here.

@whattothinkhere £300k is hardly anything to either of them by the sounds of it, but it should be split equally as both children choose their own path in life.

Personally I'd leave it to a local charity or two if there's anything left after any care home fees as both daughters seem financially fine. A small charity would benefit hugely from such a donation!

We ended up with a similar situation though for very different reasons. It wasn’t intentional, an action taken 30 years previously meant that all property went to one sibling. We knew it would happen but by then it was too late to change things. The amounts involved were life changing for two of the four siblings.
A Deed of Variation sorted things out, but was made much easier because there was no animosity between the siblings and the inheriting sibling was and remains very honourable. Does dd2 feel that dd1 might act in this way? Of the 4 siblings involved, I suspect that there is one that, had she inherited, she would have kept it all.

Give it to charity or use it for care. It’s a bit rich not liking the men who have allowed their daughters to kick back and enjoy life without working!

I'm really not sure if DD1 would give anything to DD2. Hard to say. DD2 doesn't really care about any money that may or may not be left, it's more about the stated intention. Surely everyone has children with varying financial circumstances? I personally, would not leave everything to the perceived 'poorest' child.

Obviously people can do what they like with their money, but they aren’t free from the consequences of those decisions and if I was DD2 in that situation, the relationship with my parents would be seriously impacted.

The parents have much less financially than either daughter but they still want to feel that whatever they leave might 'make a difference'. The inheritance would mean more to DD1 than splitting it between both DDs or the DGC. I think they're wrong but understand why they might think this way.

My will splits my assets (assuming there is any left after potential care costs) equally between my 3 AC. One is much richer than the others and I suspect they would offer some of their share to the others, but that is a decision for them. My job is to be scrupulously fair.

They need to split it equally. The parents sound awful, it seems they don’t particularly like anyone! If I was DD2, I definitely wouldn’t be assisting with additional finances if the parents require it in the future. If they don’t like DD2’s husband, why should they benefit from his income?

Parents sound appalling- they are trying to use their wills to create division and manipulate the kids. What sort of grandparent doesn’t like a grandchild?

I wouldencourage everyone to disengage from it all. If anything is left to anyone then they can redistribute it if they wish. But I wouldn’t be involving myself at all in any discussions or persuasion and I’d encourage the parents just to spend it. What a pitiful way to act.

My parents talked about doing something similar when my sister's DH was diagnosed with a life limiting illness, and DH and I were loving a nice comfortable life.

In the event BIL's illness is well managed and DH got sick and died, so now I'm the one who "needs" looking after.

I don't think DPs ever really planned to do it, it was just part of a thought process about how fair might not be the same.

But things can change.

I am DD2 but not with the financial security that DD2 has in the OPs post. Unfortunately my once very close relationship with my DM is no more.

It’s so much more than the money itself. To everyone thinking of treating their children unfairly, don’t! No matter what justification you tell yourself. There is NO justification that sits well with the hurt individual.