To feel like my future looks bleak and lonely

[Moonsandstarss]

I’m a single parent with two DC, one will be off into the world in a few years and his sibling is likely to go into supported living as he has complex needs. My parents are elderly and once they are gone I will be left with no family. I have friends but I don’t see them very often.

My future seems bleak and lonely right now, I do have lots of passions and interests but they don’t take the place of having family around you. The women my age or older in work have siblings, partners, lots of children, children’s partners, grandchildren and just a huge support network.

My relationship with my oldest has been strained too since I separated from ex and I can’t imagine him being the type to be visiting me or phoning etc.

I am independent and can happily go on solo trips etc but humans aren’t meant to be alone all the time. I’m trying to be positive but it’s hard!

You create your future!

AI might kill us all before then, if we’re lucky.

Do you, or did you, work?

Ha ha probably 😆 I try to say please and thank you to mine just in case!

I do work, I enjoy my job and I’m in the process of doing some extra qualifications in my field which I’m excited about.

As a single parent to a late teen, I feel the same. I want them to fly and be independent, but in raising them I feel like I've lost some direction for myself. I have a good life but not where I thought I'd be at this age/stage of my life and loneliness does worry me.

I feel similar as my children approach adulthood. The only family I have is my mum, and she won’t be there forever. My friends live in other parts of the u.k.

What is stopping you making new friends or relationships in the future?
I’m 62 and have made new friends over the years through hobbies, college courses, volunteering etc
If I could be bothered with online dating would try that but have a male friend who I hang out with on a weekend or to go on holiday with

That's amazing, well done. It's good that you have work and interests to keep you grounded and mind active. I understand that what you are missing is people who are intimate with your life, that work relationships can't replace.

It is possible to find relationships like that outside of family. Friendships can sometimes be even more intimate than family or romantic relationships. It can take a while to find someone like that, but don't give up. Stay grounded and genuine and you will attract other like-minded people.

You can still create your own future. My aunt is childless and has a wonderful rich life full of friends from going to choir and doing volunteer work. I think many people, even those with partners feel like this because one stage of your life is ending but another can begin now.

I am the same . Kids have flown . I work full Time and are too exhausted in the evenings for much .

have no family . Friends live far away .
it’s a very lonely life spending every weekend alone .

It sounds like you've had a tough ride and had to work hard, I'm not surprised you are feeling flat.

I am a single parent and my DS has just left home. I was dreading it but I'm really surprised by how much I'm enjoying living on my own. You would be amazed how freeing it feels to be able to suit yourself, not have to have a proper dinner on the table every night and generally have less responsibility. I am finding I have a lot more energy to go out and connect with friends, take up hobbies etc. Being able to put your energies into your own life rather than your DCs is really rather nice (however much we love them).

I understand, my extended family have died and I feel lonely a lot of the time. My friends have large families and although we all have young children I feel in a different stage of life to them. I've started trying to carve out me time and hobbies.

I have a very small family to the point only my elderly mum is local and I for me when the time comes I’d just think ok we’re on this world for a comparatively short time so I’m going to squeeze everything I can out of life , I’m not going to mope around grieving for a family I don’t have .

You are so right, we are not here long, that’s a really positive attitude to have 💕

Would you like to meet a partner? Do you have close friends?

I find threads like this a bit difficult because the lack of empathy and understanding is always a bit staggering (the first two posts really - OP responded with more grace than I would have!)

@Moonsandstarss I do get this, although I am married my husband has an illness which means he won’t be with me for long. He has said ruefully many times that I made the wrong choice marrying him (we didn’t know about the illness when we met or married or had children …) I have told him very firmly this is not true. I’d choose him again a thousand times.

Just the same, I’ll almost certainly be a widow before my fiftieth birthday which was not in the life plan (but what is!?) and face retirement alone, although my children are a comfort to me and I am so glad I have them. But I know they’ll live their own lives one day.

Friends - yes, they are great. But people are busy and tend to make plans with their own families at times when you’re most likely to be alone (weekends and holidays) and it can get you down. My own parents are dead too

My plans are to retrain in something I’m passionate about (a bit of a wank phrase to be fair!) in my early fifties and I’m really hoping this is going to give me a new lease of life with work. At the moment I’m a very part time teacher and have lost interest in it and the thought of doing it until 67 depresses the hell out of me. I’ll obviously maintain friendships and hopefully make new ones but I am conscious friends have a limit to what they can do.

Would I date again - I’ll say no right now but who knows what the future holds.

I am not scared of the future but I do feel I’ve been cheated. DH and I were going to go on safari to Kenya. I still will but it won’t be the same, it just won’t.

I wish you well.

Once you get your head around the fact that your life is deeply enviable to many, many people in the world you can really start to appreciate what you have got.

Lots of people have great families but so many people don’t. You truly are or alone on that front.

I haven’t spoken to family in over a decade due to childhood abuse and there have been many serious challenges in my life but I am the happiest I’ve ever been because I live a life very consistent with who I am as a person, with my hobbies and interests and a very small close kit group of people. It is truly fabulous.

I've been where you are, OP, but without the complex needs children.

I now live on my own and I love it. I have lots of interests and I find it immensely freeing to have my home exactly as I want it. It doesn't mean I don't get lonely and sometimes there's a gap that I want to fill. So you could call it a good life but with a little room for improvement.

Enjoy your space and maybe focus on one or two hobbies where you'll meet people. New friendships will come, if you're receptive to them.

YABU. I have a husband, but no other family at all, and I'm not in the slightest bit lonely. Nor is my future bleak.
I have a small number of good friends, but also I volunteer, have hobbies and am happy doing things by myself - I regularly go on holidays, to the theatre or sports events, on my own.
And many people with families have all sorts of stress, so don't assume that a big family makes life better!
Life is what we make it. You already have children but, if and when they need you less, then it's a golden opportunity to pursue new interests and make new friends. Why on earth does everything have to stay the same? If you want it to be different , then change it!

Well that's cheerful ! Very helpful 😁

My best friend lives 200 miles away, and has done for nearly 40 years. So? We keep in touch and see each other often. I don't really live near any of my close friends, but there's more to a friendship than geographical proximity.

There’s an age charity around here that do amazing day trips that I’m jealous of, have game nights and book clubs. You also say you like your job, that’ll mean you have some human interaction and the world always needs volunteers. I think it’s fine to be blue but also good to remember that being on your own doesn’t have to mean lonely x

OP, I'm a single mum with one DS. He's at uni so he's off now except for holidays, and will gradually become less reliant on me over the next three or four years. I've also just retired so I no longer have my colleagues around me.

I've discovered that there are a lot of single, supportive women. A lot of wise independent, lovely people, and opportunities to create new friendships.

It's important to get out there, to put yourself in places you can meet new friends and share common interests. I'm only a couple of months in but it really is much much better than I expected.

a lot of people will be in similar situations.

I have two children, they are still at home, not sure if they will move away etc when they are older.

other than that I just have husband.

parents are dead and no siblings.