Where would you live? (Attempt two)

[Feena123]

I messed up the options.

Both places have equally good schools and general quality of life. Both are naice towns.

YABU - Town A - 1hr from friends and family, would likely have occasional childcare support, no local friends, more “upmarket” town, could afford a small 2 bed in a rougher area

YANBU - Town B - 2hrs from friends and family, rare childcare support due to distance, some local friends, could afford a 3 bed semi with a garden and parking in a reasonable area

I voted town B but being close to family never drove my location decisions

Why would either be unreasonable?

I’m just torn and don’t know which is better.

Depends on how old your dc are, whether you have a partner involved, and how rough the rough area is!

Personally I'd probably go for B because a garden is extremely important to me, but if I was a single mum to multiple young dc I'd go A.

Which town do you prefer?

Local friends and a big enough house so that you don't feel the itch to move for a while wins for me.
But I live 4000 miles away from my family and have done since my early 20s so that colours my view as I don't tend to consider them in my day-to-day.

I am a single mum to two preschoolers. No partner.

The rough area… I don’t know the town well, but all that’s coming up in budget is flats above shops and places that are clearly very run down on social housing estates.

How many DC do you have? What’s the mix of ages and genders? Do you
plan on having any more? How long do you plan on staying in the house? It makes a big difference if you have a boy and a girl who are 11 and 8 so won’t be up for sharing room for long but you want it to be your forever home and you still might have another child to if you are “one and done”.

what about work? why not c where friend and family are?

Then I'd choose A. Access to childcare and family support seems to outweigh everything else in your situation.

If I could afford the same standard of house in both towns, I’d choose the one closest to family. Both towns seem comparable in every other metric.

Same sex, pre-schoolers. So I could get away with a two bed if necessary, at least for the next 8ish years.

My preference would be to not have to move again though. It’s expensive and tiring…

I would not choose a flat above a shop with no outside space over a house with parking and a garden, with two pre-school children.

Do you know what the primary schools are like in each town and the likelihood of getting into any that you like the look of?

Ah cross-posted with your update. In this case I’d probably say A for the family support. What is the likelihood that you might be able to upsize, say towards the time the DC start secondary school?

But A only provides occasional childcare support, and no local friends - I don't think that compensates for having a small 2-bed with no garden

My main consideration would be where we were living rather than occasional childcare. And friends can be found anywhere. I wouldn't want to be in the rough area of any town, and if it's a choice between house with garden or flat above shop, I'd definitely go house. Unless that town is significantly worse? So B for me.

Both are equidistant from work.

Can’t actually move to where friends and family are, as it’d be a two hour commute, and my work isn’t doable from a rural location.

I don't think either sound great tbh. Do you need to move now?

A's rough area, small 2 bed doesn't sound like something you want.

2 hours from friends and family for option B is too much for me. But might not matter so much for you.

Do you live near friends now, would you be moving away? Or is it not much change?

If I had to choose i would pick B. Sounds like a better neighbourhood and more space.

A bit of background would be handy. Why are you moving at all? Why just a choice between these two towns? Why are the towns so far away from each other?

Marriage breakdown. He is moving to the city between town A and B so doesn’t care which I choose. We live in town B now which was where he wanted to live. This is my chance to move closer to my family… But I don’t know if it’s worth it, if I can only afford a tiny home in a rough area.

The house is being sold and realistically I want to move now before primary applications.

Given the distances - anything more than 30 mins tends to mean that no one bothers to help you after a while and if you have a few friends and nicer area …

A for me

I would choose B, as it doesn't sound like you'll get much support anyway, regardless of whether you're closer to A ('occasional' really isn't worth it to my mind, and I am also a single mum with zero support).

You have 2 preschool age kids. Buy a house with enough bedrooms and a garden, in a better area. No amount of 'occasional' support makes up for the loss of those things.

B sounds like a better daily quality of life to me.

It really depends on you and your family situation, which you don't give any info on. With one kid, I'd be happy in a 2 bed, but if you've got 3 or 4, then you're not going to manage in a 2 bed.
Plus, how old are your kids? are they babies and toddlers and you're really going to need the childcare? or are they close to becoming independent teenagers? How badly do you rely on childcare? just for a social life or for work too?
How supportive are your family? how involved and interested in your kids? are they willing to travel to you, or will it all be on you to go to them? are there cousins the same age as your kids that you want them to grow up alongside?

We really can't answer this for you unfortunately