AIBU - won’t watch my nephew who isn’t potty trained

[JenZart]

My sister, whom I’ll call Jane, is mother to a 6-year-old boy, whom I’ll call Noah. Noah is a sweet child, and advanced in many ways, with one large caveat: he still exclusively uses nappies, day and night. I should mention here that Noah is not physically or developmentally delayed in any way.

Any time someone in the family brings it up, Jane will simply say he’s not ready and close down the discussion. As a mum of two now-grown boys (ages 21 and 24), I see all the signs of potty training readiness in Noah that I saw in my own kids two decades ago: he can recognise when he’s wet versus dry, can verbalise when he needs his nappy changed, and often seeks privacy when needs to do his business. But Jane still won’t hear about it from anyone.

Jane asked me recently if I would watch Noah for a week while she travels to attend a college reunion. (She went to school overseas for it would be a longer visit.) After giving it thought, I said I wasn’t comfortable changing nappies for a 6-year-old for that long. This sent her into a rage and I heard many variations of “He’s my child,” “I’ll decide when he’s ready,” and “you have no business telling me how to parent”.

This was 3 weeks ago, and I haven’t heard a word from Jane since. I love my sister, and I love my nephew, and I know I’m not his mum. But I feel that by prolonging his reliance on nappies, Jane is negatively affecting his development. I also feel like she’s opening him up to ridicule as he’s at the age to begin school. AIBU?

Isn't he in school? If not, I'd be reporting it.
My GC had a bowel condition, luckily a small procedure at 7.5 years old got her out of pull ups. It was difficult and I don't blame you.

OP take your fantasies elsewhere.

Children can be dry during the day at 2 but still in nappies at night up to about 7. It has nothing to do with training but with hormones. Nobody should be worried if their older child is not " trained " at night but daytime training is completely different.

Things that never happened

Surely this isn't real? I mean, he's six. He can tell easily if needs the loo and can easily tell his mum. How on earth is he not bullied at school?

No, I wouldn't look after him either. You sis is a little rubbish.

Are you absolutely sure that there's no delays at all or even medical reasons? I just can't imagine a typical 6 year old with no needs fully understanding of when he needs to go, what a toilet is etc not desperately wanting to use the toilet and feeling embarrassed that he's still in nappies.

If that's the case and she is refusing him to use the toilet then she's neglectful. Hopefully school are on the ball with it since they must recognise he's capable of using the toilet if you do.

Yea this happened.

YANBU. My son is 6 and in nappies but he's severely autistic. Even so I don't expect other family members to change him at the age he is
Does she want him to be bullied, it's awful she's holding him back this way.
I don't understand this rise in parents not bothering to potty train their NT kids. I have two older children (18 and 20) . Eldest was dry day and night by 2 1/2. Middle child dry by 2. It just wasn't a thing then. Unless you had a child with severe SEN your children were potty trained long before school age.

Anyone who refers to taking full care of a 6 year old and all it involves for an entire week, as 'watching' would get a firm no from me.

Talk about minimization.

Certainly reads like it.

I'd have ended your post after the first sentence tbh.

I don’t agree with this in this instance - if OP would happily look after her nephew if he were toilet trained then she has every right to say that’s the issue. Her sister can then either say, I’ll work hard to ensure he’s fully toilet trained by the time the trip comes around- thank you. Or do as she’s done - had a hissy fit and refused to acknowledge that her 6 year old really should be toilet trained (and should have been for 3 or so years!) And lost her chance at childcare.

Not a chance I’d be changing the nappy of a 6 year old unless there were significant SEN or illness issues.

These posts are getting tedious.

Not a chance I would be changing the nappies of a six year old. It’s bad enough that his mum still does it, but aside from the fact that he simply should have been toilet trained years ago, it’s very undignified for a six year old to be changed by his auntie. And there is no way on this earth I would be taking the opportunity to toilet train him. As sorry as I feel for him, that’s his parents’ job. The persistence of night time wetness is a whole different matter and if it was just this, I would have nothing but sympathy.

Look after the 6yr old and have him out of nappies within the week...

Quite right OP

how very sinister…what else is she holding him back
from doing?

perhaps you can do the boy a favour by
taking him in and training him. It will no doubt only take a few days

Tell her you won't be doing it. 6 years old is too old to be in a nappy

well, I guess she is entitled to parent how she wants to but she has to deal with the outcome.

I wouldn't be happy having such a young child for a week anyway, and definitely not if it meant a week of nappies.

Is he home schooled? Poor little soul.

YANBU.

Not unreasonable. And if all you said was that you weren't comfortable/prepared.to do it then I dont see that you were out of order.

However I do wonder if there is more to his needs than she is admitting?.

Indeed im.not buying it ....

How is that he's 6 but 'he’s at the age to begin school'?
Surely he's been at school for a year or so by now?

Surely he's been at school for a year or so by now?

Assuming op is in the uk.

If he has any additional needs, surely op would need to know if she was going to look after him for a week.

This can NOT be real. Six!!

No. I wouldn’t. I can’t imagine how a six year old without special needs would be happy to use a nappy. Very strange.