Local senco refused nurseries referral

[benandholli]

For my dd, just turned 4. She has always been very very intense but nursery never used to see it, until recently when she had started to kick off there too.

Can not share gets extremely angry if made to share.
Shouts a lot, very loud, very bossy.
Very resistant to requests, needs to be wrestled to get dressed, if left to get changed alone, she won’t do it/gets distracted. Point blank refuses to do things unless she is getting a reward out of it (loves stat chart)
Hits and kicks sometimes bites when angry, throws things at you, trashes the room.
She was a late talker but it came on all of a sudden and she speaks very well now, but she has developed a stutter, it’s when she is beginning to say something and she will repeat the first word upto 10 times.

On the other hand she is very caring and loves to help, she can be very loving, and she is very funny, likes to make people laugh.
It’s just like this red mist comes over her and she flips out.

Where do I go from here now the local senco has refused to to come out and observe her? Nursery manager said she has never ever had a refusal.
Lots of autism and adhd in the family so I’m sure she is neurodivergent.

what does the senco suggest?

What were the nursery asking? Was the SENCo from a local primary school that your DD would be eventually attending?
I would ask for an EP assessment initially.

Is she in a private nursery?

My DS seen an EP, senco wasn’t involved until he went to reception.

Why did they refuse?

Are you talking about a school SENCO, such as from the school she might go to in reception, or do you mean a local authority advisory teacher?

Get a referral to speech and language from health visitor. The language and stutter issues could be causing a lot of frustration for her making behaviour worse

I don’t think many preschool four year olds would get dressed if left alone to do it…

It’s more the fact it’s such a battle. Literally have to chase her around the room whilst she’s laughing her head off thinking it’s hilarious. Same for teeth and hair brushing.

Just to keep doing the things they’re doing

I believe it’s just the local area senco.

It’s a private nursery

Try your GP or health visitor if you still have one explain your concerns. Some of it is normal 4 year old behaviour what 4 year old likes to get dressed 😂 but its a good sign if shes responding to a star chart. The repeating words isn't normal though, I would ask gp for a SALT referral. Just to have her checked out.

I forgot to add in my op that she doesn’t like loud noises either and can be funny about routine, for example always wants to watch the same episode of Ben and Holly, wants me to being her downstairs in the morning as that what she is used to etc

yes that is true 😆 I think it’s more that it’s so much of a battle with her, she is very very strong willed

SENCO are normally involved at school where each school, primary and secondary has a SENCO lead. I would assume until then its your health visitor or GP.

The problem is at her age a lot of this can be developmentally within range. GP wouldn't refer ds until he turned 7

Hi, when ds was picked up as being autistic at nursery the local senco was asked to come and observe him then, she then wrote a report of some kind and told me to take it to my gp, he then referred to peads and he was diagnosed that way. This was about 8 years ago though so things have probably changed

Was this for possible adhd ? I see signs of both adhd and autism in dd

I think it probably has changed. Autism and ADHD now has huge backlogs of diagnosis, i haven't heard of a local SNECO outside of school and both of my children were on the SEN register.

She sounds like both of my DD’s at that age to be honest and neither are ND. They were awful between the ages of 2-6. Just constant battles to get them ready in the morning, lots of tantrums, shouting, absolute meltdowns after school many days when they were knackered and yes indeed - bossy and shouty. I have 3 DS’s who are all incredibly quiet and good natured so as a result theorise that girls are much more testing. My NDN has the same issue, her 7 yo DD has quite loud tantrums still fairly often whereas her DS is quiet.

Basically don’t think the behaviour points towards ND and it’s too easy to leap to that when it’s actually just shitty behaviour. No indictment on your parenting either, I don’t know why my DD’s were like that when DS’s are totally opposite.

Maybe it has changed, or maybe it is area dependent as a quick google search says they are very much still a thing and they are there for early years settings to help with transitions to primary schools, help in the early years settings to give advice etc to support children with Sen

I think the general thinking is girls are harder than boys, I have one ds and two DD’s and they are on a different level to ds when he was little 😆
although I am autistic, so is ds, dh adhd, my siblings are neurodivergent and their kids too, so it is very very likely dd is too

I also don't understand what a local area SENCO is. I think you were really lucky in the past. We had no option other than GP and then a wait of about two years to see a paediatrician. In the meantime DD was diagnosed by a charity assessment centre which appeared to be staffed mainly by moonlighting NHS (presumably also fed up by the wait). Found a play therapist privately. Got physio privately. Saw a behavioural optometrist privately. Saw an NVR counsellor privately. Nutritionist privately...

I did manage to secure an EHCP eventually but everything that actually helped involved research, form filling and applying money. Thousands!

Perhaps I was lucky, I know there are lots of parents out there still fighting now for diagnosis and support.
DS now goes to a special school and we never had to appeal an ehcp refusal either, but we got a great EP who saw ds wasn’t coping in mainstream, school were the ones pushing back saying he was fine, collecting evidence for 4 years, that was our battle but once the EP did his assessment it all went smoothly from there

I have never heard of a ‘local senco’ and googling only brings up the role of in-school sencos. Are you perhaps referring to Children’s Services at your LA, who may have sent an ed psych or other team member to the nursery?

What is it that the nursery is requesting? My son received a small amount of additional support in his private nursery paid for by the county council, which the nursery applied for themselves. We lived on a county border and the primary school he then attended was in the other county (where we lived) and we started the EHCP process ourselves with the county we lived in. His EHCP was - very fortunately - ready for when he started Reception.

I would suggest that if the nursery is unhappy with the current situation, they contest the decision they’ve been given. And also go to your GP yourself. I hope you can get it sorted.