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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is it such a farking crime...

42 replies

justageek · 01/07/2008 07:01

to want ten minutes to actually wake up, make a coffee and drink it BEFORE allowing my two toddlers (aged 2 and 3) up and about? I also have a rabbit to put back in its cage and a puppy to let out before it pee's itself, but you would think i had committed the crime of the century telling my two to go back to bed 'until i say its okay to get up!' from the look of hubbies face!

I tell them it every morning, but every morning they come out their room whenever they want, even as early as 5.30 and i am expected to spring out of bed and immediately deal with the floods of 'i want, i want, i want' plus deal with the animals whilst hubby gets ready for work.

We have just rowed about it now, and i pointed out to him that he doesnt have to roll out of bed and start laying turf or cutting grass the second his feet touch the ground, so why should i have to start being a mum without any coffee and some foggy head clearing first!!!

is it that unreasonable? really?

OP posts:

beegee · 01/07/2008 07:04

Not unreasonable at all. I can't function properly first thing until I've had 10 mins or so for me - get in line is what I say!

aGalChangedHerName · 01/07/2008 07:04

Nope not unreasonable. Put the dc's in bed with him and have your coffee in peace downstairs!!

Original poster

justageek · 01/07/2008 07:09

good i thought i was perhaps suffering from serious morning grumps! I am pregnant too (25 weeks) and never seem to have the time to enjoy it, just bloody rush rush rush from the moment i open my eyes.

whats better, asking the kids to go back to bed for 10 mins, or play in their room, or ending up on the verge of shouting already, because you are not even awake 5 mins and have been harassed stupid to do this, get that, sort this, feed this...ARGH!!!!

i am having my coffee by the way and have left DH to sort out the kids. He works time to sit on the toilet for 20 bloody mins a morning, so i think i can have a coffee first in peace!!!

OP posts:

shatteredmumsrus · 01/07/2008 07:26

why do men sit on the toilet for such a long time, my dad used to read the paper too. So they can do 2 things at once!Smpathies anyway, my eyes are hanging out their socket cause I had a bad night with youngest, kept getting up. Too hot i think. YANBU at all your only human, they need teaching that if they get up that early mummy needs time to adjust from peace and quiet to noisy carnage!

beegee · 01/07/2008 07:29

My dp spends at least 15 mins every morn on toilet! Only one bathroom in house too...grrrr

Twelvelegs · 01/07/2008 07:31

OMG, I could have posted the same only mine are 5 and 6!!!
I would just like a shower before everyone climbs (I have three dcs) on my bed and starts fighting over who will sit next to me!!!! Only a shower is that so much to ask?

Original poster

justageek · 01/07/2008 07:35

i think its in their genes or something, but the point is, he does not want the kids disturbing him whilst he is on the toilet (perhaps he mediates or something i dont know) but i am expected to start slaving away the moment i open my eyes. GAAAH.

We just fell out again, because he had a go at my eldest for throwing her beaker around the lounge and told her to bring it to him. She didnt and he just turned to me and said, right i am off to work now. I pretty much exploded (pent up frustration) and said, why the hell cant you enforce what you just asked her? is it any wonder they never listen to a word i say when you tell them to do things, and then dont see it through?!

If i told my youngest to go do her wee wee on the toilet and she carried on playing, how would she ever be potty trained?

Why is it okay for him to sod off to work, all fresh and ready for the day? I hate him this morning, i really do. And of course because i pulled him up about not being consistent with my eldest, he went off to work slobbering all over them but without so much as a goodbye to me.

OP posts:

Original poster

justageek · 01/07/2008 07:37

TL, oh nooo, you mean it DOESNT get better as they get older? I had visions of them being able to get their own breakfast one day, whilst i calmly get up, shower, have coffee, turn on my 'lovely mum' switch and we all have a lovely day..

OP posts:

streakybacon · 01/07/2008 07:50

This might be stating the obvious, but have you thought about getting up 15 mins earlier so you can have that You Time before the kids are up? I get up early enough to have a bath and wash my hair, check my emails etc so that i'm not frazzled when Beelzebub wakes - don't think I could function if I didn't. He's 9 btw, so in some cases no, it doesn't get much better

Original poster

justageek · 01/07/2008 07:51

ah i do streaky bacon, but we live in a bungalow and the girls room is just down from ours, they seem to hear the slightest noise and think, wahey lets get up! i could get up 2 hours earlier LOL and they would still wake up and get up.

OP posts:

MindingMum · 01/07/2008 08:09

I really really sympathised with you justageek. This is my all time parenting nightmare. You have to be firm, in the end they will get the message.

Talk to DH about it when you are alone and relaxed and explain that if you don't have this time, it can ruin your whole day. I know, from a lifetime of being crap at mornings that if I am not allowed to have a shower and drink at my own pace, it will affect my mood for hours.

One of my DD's was exactly the same - if I got up for a wee in the middle of the night she would think it was morning

Stand your ground

Original poster

justageek · 01/07/2008 08:15

it does affect my mood mindingmum, i have never been a great morning person, and i HATE being harassed when i have barely woken up. It normally results in me shouting, then just thinking for fucks sake, here we go again, another shitty day in the household. It then takes me a few hours to pull myself together.

Not ideal i know, not the 'right' way to be, but thats me, if i could be a morning person i would be.

If however i get the rare ocasion (at weekend) to have a coffee and NOT have to deal with bundles of pure energy first time i open my eyes (including them climbing on the bed and jumping on my bump ) then i am much much better.

I have tried and tried talking to him though, but nah, its double standards, its alright for him to get himself sorted and awake for work, but not for me.

OP posts:

harleyd · 01/07/2008 08:17

you know what irritates me the most though
asking everyone do they need the bathroom before i go to the shower..nobody needs it, then the minute im in the shower 5 people need the toilet

drives me freaking insane

Original poster

justageek · 01/07/2008 08:19

huh yeah, when id o finally get t use the bathroom, i then have to wash my toddlers and get them to bursh their teeth, before i can do anything, fair enough, but he oculd have them do that with him just as easily and i could have my bleeding coffee!

OP posts:

CoffeeCrazedMama · 01/07/2008 08:23

Not a crime at all - my four (all much older than yours admittedly) know to give me a wide berth until I've had my first coffee of the day. Hence pen-name ! If they 'start', I tell them, 'Look, I haven't had my coffee yet' , which tells them all they need to know!

Your dcs will learn (but shame on dh, he should understand already).

pooka · 01/07/2008 08:25

I remember very vividly that my mother had an unspoken rule of at least 1 cup of tea and a quick read of the paper before she was disturbed/harrassed in the morning.

But I don't think she got that much until we were older.

more · 01/07/2008 08:25

Yanbu. Our friends have trained their daughter to look at the clock and she knows she is not allowed to get out of bed before 7.30.
If they are too young to look at the clock, then set an alarm and tell them that they are not allowed to get out of bed (unless they need the toilet or if they are sick or some other emergency) until the alarm goes off.
You can then get up half an hour before that and have some "normal" time.

Original poster

justageek · 01/07/2008 08:27

yes i dont hold the bairns responsible (though i do get a bit resentful sometimes, unfair i know) and i understand he has to get ready for work, its just the fact he treats me like i am horrible if i tell them to go back to bed (this morning they got up at 6.30, when his alarm went off) and they forced out a few tears...oh i am sure they are scarred for life!

I know mums needs come last on the agenda, but christ its hard enough being a mum without being made to feel like a momster for wanting to wake up before dealing with my kids.

OP posts:

harleyd · 01/07/2008 08:27

more - that doesnt work, i have an alarm set to go off at 7 in my girls room..most mornings i have to get up to turn it off, they are already downstairs eating cereal, they are 7 and 4..when do they listen?

BecauseImWorthIt · 01/07/2008 08:29

justageek - you seem to be having a real problem with your dh at the moment, don't you?!! Have just read your thread about your dog!

Sounds like he really needs to do some growing up and stop being so bloody selfish and self-centred.

Original poster

justageek · 01/07/2008 08:30

more i have tried that too but my husbands stupid alarm wakes them, because of the bungalow we are in, 6.30 every morning (just as an off shot, he doesnt go to bed till near 2.30 every night, waking me as he goes, so i am normally knackard) and he sets it to snooze, so it goes off every ten mins.

OP posts:

Fanella · 01/07/2008 08:30

justageek I feel for you. Although my dd usually sleeps later, this morning she was up with the lark and in chatting away to me while I was trying to read my wonderful new book.

Seriously though, you're not being unreasonable. I think you're going to have to insist very firmly that dh does his share - and if he won't it's justifiable to plonk the little darlings in front of cbeebies for 10 mins while you collect yourself and get your head straight ready for the day.

Original poster

justageek · 01/07/2008 08:31

BIWI - if i didnt love him i would be off, honestly! These are small things really but he is 34 behaving like 14 sometimes. (i am 23). I am just mad at him this morning so thought i would throw in the dog rant too.

OP posts:

Original poster

justageek · 01/07/2008 08:34

hi fanella, did we think of a code? i cant remember?! is it shameless plug time?

The thing is, my two are kids of habit, they wont actually watch cbeebies when they get up, the first things out of their mouth is...I WANT WEETABIX. Then its I WANT MILK. Then its I WANT A NANA (banana), amongst kicking each other under the table and whinging that she did this whilst my younger whom can talk but not that great yet squawks at me! Normal toddler behaviour, but it makes me feel like turning round and saying FFS just eat your god damn breakfast, why does everything have to be a DRAMA with you two!!!

see a mother clearly coming to the end of her tether, they are just being kids, and i want to be NICE mummy not grumpy half asleep mummy...

OP posts:

KnickersOnMaHead · 01/07/2008 08:38

Message withdrawn

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