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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are you neurodivergent?

327 replies

fintangel · 05/10/2026 21:34

Have you been diagnosed with, or do you suspect you might have ADHD or ASD or a combination or both?

YABU = yes
YANBU = no, I’m definitely neurotypical

OP posts:
Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 16:43

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I know and the same old obsessives turn up to bang their misogynistic ableist drum. Meanwhile in the real world people are dying whilst waiting for diagnoses.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cqm278lrdwngo

The exterior of Grove House Medical Practice is brown bricked, and there is a porch entrance with a grey slate roof.

Runcorn woman died after three-year ADHD assessment wait, report says

Bethany Hewitt was referred for an ADHD assessment in February 2023 but died earlier this year.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cqm278lrdwngo

Itchthescratch · 07/10/2026 16:44

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 16:23

Most experts and professionals don’t and the data doesn’t support over diagnosis. Quite the reverse. A few misogynistic people like yourself with a nasty little hobby horse to bang on about don’t speak for data, the profession as a whole or reality.

What data? If the diagnostic threshold is wrong then what data would prove it's underdiagnosed? It's a clear logical loop.

It's not misogynistic to challenge overdiagnosis. It causes severe societal and psychological harm, especially to the exact women that you claim to care about. Why are you so desperate to insist that overdiagnosis isn't going on or at least that it could potentially be happening? Lots of studies suggest this is a problem and yet you can't even tolerate discussion about this without shouting ableism or sexism.

pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8042533/
https://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/news/clinical-areas/neurology/majority-of-gps-think-adhd-is-overdiagnosed-suggests-pulse-survey/

Itchthescratch · 07/10/2026 16:45

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 16:43

I know and the same old obsessives turn up to bang their misogynistic ableist drum. Meanwhile in the real world people are dying whilst waiting for diagnoses.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cqm278lrdwngo

You need to stop banging your ill informed and inflammatory drum. I have linked credible sources and referenced organisations and individuals that support my view. You have just thrown insults around and linked to emotive news stories.

AgeingMillennial · 07/10/2026 16:47

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 16:43

I know and the same old obsessives turn up to bang their misogynistic ableist drum. Meanwhile in the real world people are dying whilst waiting for diagnoses.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cqm278lrdwngo

Neurodivergence is no longer a private issue though. It’s forced at the public relentlessly. And is now swallowing up significant tax spend. With no results in terms of health or happiness. People get empathy burnout because it’s all we hear about, every other person seems to be diagnosed.

Pumpkindice · 07/10/2026 16:50

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Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 16:54

AgeingMillennial · 07/10/2026 16:47

Neurodivergence is no longer a private issue though. It’s forced at the public relentlessly. And is now swallowing up significant tax spend. With no results in terms of health or happiness. People get empathy burnout because it’s all we hear about, every other person seems to be diagnosed.

That’s completely incorrect, it’s under diagnosed and ND people are struggling to get diagnosis, let alone treatment or support. Considerable tax spend is not spent on it.Undiagnosed and unsupported ADHD costs the UK economy an estimated £17 billion per year! Support, diagnosis and treatment helps massively. It’s life changing and saves lives.I have both, my children have both and I work in the sector and I am most definitely not bombarded by it. Where on earth is it forced on you?

Maybe read up on the NHS ADHD Taskforce findings and educate yourself .www.england.nhs.uk/long-read/report-of-the-independent-adhd-taskforce-part-1/

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 16:56

Itchthescratch · 07/10/2026 16:45

You need to stop banging your ill informed and inflammatory drum. I have linked credible sources and referenced organisations and individuals that support my view. You have just thrown insults around and linked to emotive news stories.

No you haven’t. You’re just decrying autism and adhd in women and how it presents.

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 17:04

Itchthescratch · 07/10/2026 16:44

What data? If the diagnostic threshold is wrong then what data would prove it's underdiagnosed? It's a clear logical loop.

It's not misogynistic to challenge overdiagnosis. It causes severe societal and psychological harm, especially to the exact women that you claim to care about. Why are you so desperate to insist that overdiagnosis isn't going on or at least that it could potentially be happening? Lots of studies suggest this is a problem and yet you can't even tolerate discussion about this without shouting ableism or sexism.

pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8042533/
https://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/news/clinical-areas/neurology/majority-of-gps-think-adhd-is-overdiagnosed-suggests-pulse-survey/

GPs are hugely ignorant re autism and ADHD as are many in the NHS. It’s well known in the profession hence training being rolled out to educate the NHS. It is recognised there is still a long way to go. GPS are not diagnosticians and know very little about autism and ADHD. They are not part of the diagnosis process and aren’t told of the result after the diagnosis process is completed so it’s laughable any making such commmets. The most any would be involved in would be the screening process prior to diagnosis so really they should blame themselves if they don’t like the results( they actually don’t get told directly). Screening filters out many who would not get a diagnosis and those going for diagnosis have often waited for years and been referred by professionals so hugely likely to get a diagnosis.

Loving the way you’re disagreeing with the NHS independent task force’s own data as to both being underdiagnosed and under treated which is costing the country as a whole millions every year .

AgeingMillennial · 07/10/2026 17:08

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 16:54

That’s completely incorrect, it’s under diagnosed and ND people are struggling to get diagnosis, let alone treatment or support. Considerable tax spend is not spent on it.Undiagnosed and unsupported ADHD costs the UK economy an estimated £17 billion per year! Support, diagnosis and treatment helps massively. It’s life changing and saves lives.I have both, my children have both and I work in the sector and I am most definitely not bombarded by it. Where on earth is it forced on you?

Maybe read up on the NHS ADHD Taskforce findings and educate yourself .www.england.nhs.uk/long-read/report-of-the-independent-adhd-taskforce-part-1/

Thats not what I said. I said every other person is getting a diagnosis which honestly seems to be true. I’ve heard of 3 people I know (all women, all 30s) being diagnosed with ADHD this week. Sorry but there’s definitely an element of contagion. They need to pluck 200 people off the street and assess them. I bet 60%+ get a diagnosis too

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 17:14

AgeingMillennial · 07/10/2026 17:08

Thats not what I said. I said every other person is getting a diagnosis which honestly seems to be true. I’ve heard of 3 people I know (all women, all 30s) being diagnosed with ADHD this week. Sorry but there’s definitely an element of contagion. They need to pluck 200 people off the street and assess them. I bet 60%+ get a diagnosis too

So you didn’t read the link I sent you and are continuing to ignore the facts which are that there is an estimated 2.5 million people in England (roughly 3% to 5% of the population) who have ADHD, yet fewer than 1.2% have a formal diagnosis recorded in primary care.

Your 3 friends and made up numbers do not data make.

AgeingMillennial · 07/10/2026 17:17

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 17:14

So you didn’t read the link I sent you and are continuing to ignore the facts which are that there is an estimated 2.5 million people in England (roughly 3% to 5% of the population) who have ADHD, yet fewer than 1.2% have a formal diagnosis recorded in primary care.

Your 3 friends and made up numbers do not data make.

Edited

Then the statisticians need to resign in disgrace as it’s the norm for ND to be at least 20% in school, more like 30-40%.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5486988-to-ask-if-youre-a-teacher

To ask, if you’re a teacher | Mumsnet

How many children in your class are diagnosed with autism or ADHD? I often see the ‘1%’ quoted, but my anecdata is a lot higher than this. This is...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5486988-to-ask-if-youre-a-teacher

dizzydizzydizzy · 07/10/2026 17:21

Itchthescratch · 07/10/2026 16:04

You are misunderstanding what I mean about high demand and low demand environments. A high demand environment in one setting can exacerbate how traits are expressed in other environments. For example there is very robust evidence about how children with difficult home lives are more likely to show more intense ADHD symptoms in other settings including school. The demands of some of these settings can lead to executive function depletion and literally reshape the brain so that characteristics associated with ADHD are more significant. This will mean symptoms bleed into other settings.

Yes, but kinder people on average show different brain structure and function as do those that are more extrovert etc. There are a whole host of other traits that are associated with different brain structures and connectivity. It's not about brain plasticity. They have observably different neurobiology in the same way that those with ADHD have at a population level have noticeable differences. Very few people have a completely typical NT brain because we all have different traits and they cause observable differences in the brain in lots of cases. Every brain is unique and there is a huge overlap between scans of ND and NT individuals. The science simply doesn't support the idea that there is a ND and NT brain and it's in anyway binary.

So in nutshell are you are saying that because we can’t precisely distinguish which brains are NT and which ND, that means that ADHD does not have a biological basis?

Even though psychiatrists define it as a neurodevelopmental disorder and there is a substantial body of evidence for neurobiological differences at a group level. This can be true irrespective of whether or not there being a single binary ADHD brain - I know influencers and the media talk as if there is a binary ADHD brain but I’ve not been saying that.

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 17:23

AgeingMillennial · 07/10/2026 17:17

Then the statisticians need to resign in disgrace as it’s the norm for ND to be at least 20% in school, more like 30-40%.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5486988-to-ask-if-youre-a-teacher

So you want a huge independent NHS taskforce to resign because you know better. 😂

About 1 in 57 children (1.76%) in the UK are diagnosed as autistic, according to large-scale data from the National Autistic Society and University of Cambridge study of school pupils. The National Institute for Health and Care Excellence
(NICE) estimates that 5% of children have ADHD in the UK.

Schools are tearing their hair out trying to get diagnoses for struggling children. The wait lists which cause a huge amount of damage are horrendous.

AgeingMillennial · 07/10/2026 17:23

dizzydizzydizzy · 07/10/2026 17:21

So in nutshell are you are saying that because we can’t precisely distinguish which brains are NT and which ND, that means that ADHD does not have a biological basis?

Even though psychiatrists define it as a neurodevelopmental disorder and there is a substantial body of evidence for neurobiological differences at a group level. This can be true irrespective of whether or not there being a single binary ADHD brain - I know influencers and the media talk as if there is a binary ADHD brain but I’ve not been saying that.

It’s like transgender, there’s various micro vague ‘evidence’ that transwomen ‘have different brains’ but that doesn’t mean it’s conclusive. I don’t really believe brains filter into ‘nd’ or ‘nt’. There is nothing concrete to support that.

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 17:27

AgeingMillennial · 07/10/2026 17:23

It’s like transgender, there’s various micro vague ‘evidence’ that transwomen ‘have different brains’ but that doesn’t mean it’s conclusive. I don’t really believe brains filter into ‘nd’ or ‘nt’. There is nothing concrete to support that.

So my children don’t have autism or adhd even though they have been diagnosed by top NHS diagnosticians and are receiving high level support, care and treatment adjusted for their ND brains.

Do you have any idea how dangerous it is saying shit like that?

AgeingMillennial · 07/10/2026 17:28

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 17:27

So my children don’t have autism or adhd even though they have been diagnosed by top NHS diagnosticians and are receiving high level support, care and treatment adjusted for their ND brains.

Do you have any idea how dangerous it is saying shit like that?

I mean this website is quick to dismiss the ‘medical evidence’ of gender dysphoria and the treatment path, so it’s hardly radical to say they might not always get it right.

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 17:29

AgeingMillennial · 07/10/2026 17:28

I mean this website is quick to dismiss the ‘medical evidence’ of gender dysphoria and the treatment path, so it’s hardly radical to say they might not always get it right.

Sooooo autism and ADHD don’t exist….

Amsylou · 07/10/2026 17:30

Very likely. DS diagnosed ASD and I was screened last year and told very likely. I’ve been delaying going to the GP because 4 years ago when I tried to my GP asked what is the point in getting diagnosed since I clearly ‘cope’.

dizzydizzydizzy · 07/10/2026 17:36

AgeingMillennial · 07/10/2026 17:23

It’s like transgender, there’s various micro vague ‘evidence’ that transwomen ‘have different brains’ but that doesn’t mean it’s conclusive. I don’t really believe brains filter into ‘nd’ or ‘nt’. There is nothing concrete to support that.

ADHD is a clinical diagnosis, not a definition of brain neurobiology. So in other words a diagnosis is not categorizing your brain.

Separately from this, it has been found that people with this diagnosis show, on average, to have certain neurobiological differences. Scientists are not saying these findings demonstrate that there is an identifiable “ADHD brain” but they do provide evidence of a neurobiological component to ADHD.

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 17:40

Why do those with autism and ADHD and particularly women with autism and ADHD have to continuously defend their disability on here?

Itchthescratch · 07/10/2026 17:49

dizzydizzydizzy · 07/10/2026 17:21

So in nutshell are you are saying that because we can’t precisely distinguish which brains are NT and which ND, that means that ADHD does not have a biological basis?

Even though psychiatrists define it as a neurodevelopmental disorder and there is a substantial body of evidence for neurobiological differences at a group level. This can be true irrespective of whether or not there being a single binary ADHD brain - I know influencers and the media talk as if there is a binary ADHD brain but I’ve not been saying that.

No, I'm saying that we need to work very hard to remove the idea of ND and NT being binary. The same is true for ADHD and ASD etc. We need to be very clear that everyone is on a continuum and has traits. It absolutely should not form a core part of people's identities and we should always be honest and open that they are 'delicate' diagnoses. As science develops our understanding and diagnostic models can and should change to reflect our understanding.

I think we need to raise the threshold for both ADHD and ASD diagnosis alongside an acceptance that you can still struggle with ASD and ADHD traits and not have a diagnosis. This is common in other aspects of our lives and I found this static illuminating.

Over a third of otherwise well people without a chronic condition have felt tired or run down, or had a headache in the previous 2 weeks, and over a quarter have had back or joint pain

Just because we don't medicalise struggles it doesn't mean that we can't recognise them as difficult parts of the 'normal' human condition. It's not normal to experience pain in a typical sense but if a quarter of well people are experiencing it then it obviously is common and to some meaningful extent pretty normal.

ADHD and Autism can be hugely disabling and I would never deny that but we are reaching the point where a quarter of the population are self identifying as being disabled and almost a third of women. 53% of Gen Z believe they are ND. We know statistically that most people that go to the GP for a referral receive one and some clinics have a 95% conversion rate between referral to diagnosis. This should be setting alarm bells off for everyone. We need some way of differentiating between genuinely disabling conditions and those that add hardship but are a reasonably common aspect of the human condition.

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 18:04

Itchthescratch · 07/10/2026 17:49

No, I'm saying that we need to work very hard to remove the idea of ND and NT being binary. The same is true for ADHD and ASD etc. We need to be very clear that everyone is on a continuum and has traits. It absolutely should not form a core part of people's identities and we should always be honest and open that they are 'delicate' diagnoses. As science develops our understanding and diagnostic models can and should change to reflect our understanding.

I think we need to raise the threshold for both ADHD and ASD diagnosis alongside an acceptance that you can still struggle with ASD and ADHD traits and not have a diagnosis. This is common in other aspects of our lives and I found this static illuminating.

Over a third of otherwise well people without a chronic condition have felt tired or run down, or had a headache in the previous 2 weeks, and over a quarter have had back or joint pain

Just because we don't medicalise struggles it doesn't mean that we can't recognise them as difficult parts of the 'normal' human condition. It's not normal to experience pain in a typical sense but if a quarter of well people are experiencing it then it obviously is common and to some meaningful extent pretty normal.

ADHD and Autism can be hugely disabling and I would never deny that but we are reaching the point where a quarter of the population are self identifying as being disabled and almost a third of women. 53% of Gen Z believe they are ND. We know statistically that most people that go to the GP for a referral receive one and some clinics have a 95% conversion rate between referral to diagnosis. This should be setting alarm bells off for everyone. We need some way of differentiating between genuinely disabling conditions and those that add hardship but are a reasonably common aspect of the human condition.

“ I think we need to raise the threshold for both ADHD and ASD diagnosis” you mean ignore how it presents in women and girls.

“It absolutely should not form a core part of people's identities“- how on earth can it not and who are you to say what how people with autism and ADHD react to their diagnosis? Is that all disabilities or just autism and adhd?

Loving the way when women and girls were shut out of the diagnosis' process austism and adhd were valid diagnoses now it’s “medicalising”

And do step peddling your made up suggestions re numbers that are hugely at odds with actual data and reality for struggling undiagnosed ND people.

Pumpkindice · 07/10/2026 18:09

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Mumtotornadoes · 07/10/2026 18:10

You're going to get a biased response as people who are neurotypical will read the title, think "no" and not open it.

Carr0tT0p · 07/10/2026 18:20

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