AIBU to feel I may never get over him leaving?

[TheOpalFox]

I’m genuinely scared ik never get over him leaving me
what can help me please. ?

I’m still doing it, just got to keep trying but the pain of him leaving is so bad? When will it get better? When will I stop hurting ?

When you stop obsessively thinking / posting about him / contacting him.

Live your life, get on with stuff, plod on, whilst being sad at the same time. Practice makes perfect.

You need professional help.
Talk to your gp about your options.
Perhaps cbt to change the way you think.

No-one can give you and exact date but you'll be helping yourself massively if you start getting out and about, meeting new friends etc.

And if you stop posting to discuss him.

It's tipped into 'unhealthy obsession' territory now, which is something I think you should specifically discuss with your mental health team.

I can’t get out due to having a hysterectomy

I will try anything to help myself get over him :(

You need to find something else to focus your energy on, could you join a gym or start a new project even if it’s just decorating the house it will keep you busy and your mind on something else.
Of course heartbreak is devastating but you need to stop ruminating and accept the relationship between you is over and adapt to a future that he will not be part of.
I don’t know why he left but if this relationship was truly wonderful then it wouldn’t have ended.
You ask why he doesn’t care? He doesn’t need to, he has made his decision not to be with you and now it’s your job to care about you and put you and your family first.

It really will be ok, things always are.

Stop giving him head space. Posting about him and dwelling on the past won’t help. You’re not going to feel better unless you move forward and find things to look forward to.

Well no, you can't get out now but you can when you're better.

And you could before the operation.

You really do need to start helping yourself, it's not something MN can do for you.

i just feel so alone. :
so broken. How can I feel this broken over a guy. ? 💔💔💔💔

I’m trying but I just feel so heartbroken:(

Hi @TheOpalFox - I’ve read your previous threads too. I do sympathise but you need to treat these feelings you still have for him as you would any other addiction. They’re not healthy and, as other posters have said, you need new and different focuses - friends, calling people, making plans for them to come over if you can’t get out, and promise yourself that you won’t talk about him for the whole time they’re with you. This is the only way to get over something like this - the more you relive what happened and what might have been and what isn’t, the more you stay in the past instead of moving on.

Ok ik try my best, im willing to try ahything honestly i
am

Them why aren't ypu?you have had all the advice and ignore it all

FFS sort yourself out!! Your poor child!! Are you doing any sort of parenting whatsoever or just ignoring them completely and posting endlessly on the internet.

What about work??

She’s only just had a hysterectomy.

I think the PP meant in general, not immediately post op.

Yes let’s kick someone while they’re down. That’ll help them feel better.

It might help to just accept the pain.

Some people live with horrendous physical pain due to medical issues, which can go on for years and years, and they just have to learn techniques to live with and 'manage' the pain. So reframe your emotional pain in the same way - something that you can't stop but you just have to live with.

You cannot stop the pain. So don't even try.
Just accept that it really, really, really, really hurts.
Then whilst it is hurting, you get on with your life.
So go and get on with your life.

The only person who can help you is you. You will get over him if you really want to. It’s one of the few things where your attitude really can make a difference- manifesting won’t win you the lottery but it can get you over a bloke. Fake it till you make it.

for example - a person who gets over a man will think of all the ways he has been horrible to me- so I will make that list

if you don’t have friends IRL - learn never to neglect your friends for a man ever again. Making you neglect friends is a form of abuse. Don’t fall for it again. That goes in your list

what else will you do? You are feeling down now but physically you will get better so so make a plan.

I'd suspect, it's more related to how you feel about yourself than any magical quality of this guy. That's where the therapy comes in. You don't need him, being in a relationship doesn't define your value, and if you were honest, I'd wonder if he really made you happy? It's clear this wasn't a healthy loving relationship.

There's no magic wand to take away what you're feeling, but I genuinely believe that you'll look back one day and not understand why you ever wanted him.

I guess you have centred your world around this guy. You could have done the same for yourself or your child, but somewhere along the line you have made the decision that this man is the one who can make or break your life. He certainly shouldn't have that power, it's not in any way healthy for you or your child. You need to work with your therapist to downgrade this man from God to a mere flawed mortal who has nothing but turbulence to offer you and your child.

She’s been posting multiple threads for months about this guy, without listening to any of the advice or engaging with help, just writing endless single sentences then starting a new thread.

she may be recovering from an operation now (which she admits she harassed him about hoping it would make him “care”) but this has been going on for way, way longer.

it’s not helping her to enable this wallowing

On a practical level you need to keep busy. You need to do things that require so much concentration that you don't actually think about him all the time. Give your brain a break from repeating thoughts. I would suggest walking, when you can of course. Reading, join a library. Draw, paint, or whatever craft interests you. If none of those appeal work with what you love doing. Find a new recipe to try out. When the wave of missing him, longing, sadness hits sit with it for a bit and then physically move to interrupt the train of thought, try box breathing or 5/4/3/2/1. Five things you can see, 4 things you can touch. You will have to Google it OP I can't quite remember the order 🙂 basically you have to get on with your life. It's precious, you can survive and thrive without him. Good luck.

@TheOpalFox Can you confirm that this man already blocked you in August like you said on one of your other threads?