My sister is getting married next year. We don't really speak other than through our parents (we speak at Christmas and family events but she will regularly tell my mum that we've spoken or mention that she messages/phones me but I don't message her back - this is not true but it's hard to argue simply due to the dynamics of our family relationship).
Most recently, she told our mum that she hasn't asked my children to be flower girls (4 and 2) because she doesn't want to put any pressure on them. My mum thought this was very understanding of her (my sister doesn't know my kids and doesn't send them birthday cards or even birthday text messages) so my mum thought it would be lovely if my children presented her with a horseshoe on her wedding day.
I said no because they don't know her and to be honest I was planning on not bringing them to the ceremony - maybe the eldest one if she wants to go but probably not the youngest one.
This has caused a huge fall out between me and my mum. My dad thinks I'm being reasonable. My mum thinks I'm being selfish. Am I? I hadn't thought it was a big deal. She lives 3 hours away, never makes the effort to come and see us or in anyway be in my life or my kids lives. I used to try with her but I don't anymore.
Our relationship is exhausting and after she gets married I will barely hear from her again.