Left a well-paid job over a toxic manager, AIBU?

[Nobodyiswatching]

I’ve recently walked away from a fairly well-paid job because my boss was utterly lacking in human empathy and her behaviour was so toxic it was making me feel ill. Think accusing me of not doing enough work when I was clearly overworked, telling me I had made other people look foolish in meetings with colleagues by completing reports that I had to send to senior management and that everyone else was more than happy with, telling me in online meetings that my offer to record/transcribe (trying to help her out) wasn’t needed and that it was not my meeting. Critiquing and pulling apart all my work in supervisions, telling me that other people had done the reports (not me) and speaking to me in like a four year old. Never asking how I was or bothering with any of the “wellbeing” questions that were a vital part of the supervision records.

This is someone who clearly disliked me from the start, & set out to make my professional life hell. Unfortunately she was also my line manager. Never praised pieces of work, heaped a load more on me and then sat in a handover meeting with the Snr manager (her boss) and when asked if she knew about all my pieces of work said “Nope. News to me.”

Just for context, everyone else I’ve ever worked with professionally has been great and I’ve never had any issues like this before. But she made me so uncomfortable and unsafe in her company that I handed my notice in - after trying to amicably address it directly through her and subsequently her manager when my attempts failed.

I sometimes feel angry that I’ve had to walk away from a steady job because of this toxic management culture. And then I think perhaps I did what was necessary in order to dodge a bullet. Maybe it was a wise move. I was struggling to eat, struggling to sleep, struggling to be present with my family. And physically, I felt very ill as well as mentally. But because of the ok salary I have moments where I wonder if I did the right thing.

Has anyone else done similar and not regretted it?

You've done the right thing. Those who are saying you should have stayed until you found a new job have obviously not been in this situation themselves. I also wouldn't have understood before, but have spent the past 18 months working closely with someone that is entirely toxic.

These relationships are insidious because it is so difficult to explain to others as the examples of their behaviour often don't sound 'that bad'. But you have to trust yourself and your body. The symptoms that you had - can't sleep, can't eat, can't think about anything else, feeling physically and mentally unwell - are massive alarm systems that this situation was not sustainable for you. I hope you find a new job soon, but you are going to be in a much better place for doing that by taking yourself out of the situation that was damaging you.

You've done the right thing. Those who are saying you should have stayed until you found a new job have obviously not been in this situation themselves.

This, exactly. It’s an awful situation and makes me feel so angry that colleagues can do this to each other without anything being done. But it will eventually make you ill anyway to have this level of stress daily so there isn’t a choice but to go.
If this level of bullying can happen, then the organisation is dead anyway. It’s very poorly run so the clock would always have been ticking on it. There isn’t a long term future for employees to have there.

You did do the right thing.
Don't know if it's worth getting some legal advice to see if you can persue the company for Constructive dismissal.

Good for you, OP. I left mine earlier this year with nothing lined up and just before the emd of probationthat would have tied me into a three month notice period. Gave her line manager a good debrief before I left to boot. In a new job now that's a great place to be, even with a substantial pay cut I don't regret it for one nanosecond. Take care of yourself!

I’d have gone off sick first, negotiated a package or gone for constructive dismissal. You were hasty to just walk away.

it is a coincidence that I found this topic because my twenty three year old niece has just left her first professional job after graduating last year .
My niece is very clever, able but also very humble . However, she had the boss from hell.
Her manager micromanaged her berated her in front of others ,unfavourably compared her to other workers , sought to extend her probation for ridiculous reasons . The manager then brought in the hr manager who was useless and told my niece that she was lucky to have a job because there were so many unemployed graduates
My once vibrant niece became a shadow of herself but was reluctant to leave the job because she was worried that she wouldn’t find another job
However it got so bad that my sister( her mother) and me intervened and told my niece to resign from the job. We didn’t care that she didn’t have another job to go to, we felt that her mental health was at risk
She resigned and you could actually see the relief on her face .

I did this once. I wasn't in any fit state to go straight to another job.
I wish I had been to see an employment lawyer though.

I did manage to rebuild my career after a couple of years and eventually ended up in a position where I was able to make a very satisfying "revenge is a dish best served cold" decision.

Top tip to bullies -don't treat your juniors badly, you never know where they might end up!

I was just a few years older than your niece. I am so glad she had supportive family

@skivitis

Good for you - well done for re establishing yourself x

When I first quit it felt like that would be impossible. Volunteering in something related helped me find a way back
Wishing you good luck. I am so sorry you went through that