To want to see some old university friends one night when DH's parents are visiting?

[whippet]

DH has arranged for his parents to come to stay. They only come about twice a year.

They will arrive Fri a.m. and leave Mon a.m.

Meanwhile an old Uni friend has invited me to her house for a 'girl's night supper' on the Friday.

I have just said to DH would it be OK if I went, as I only see these uni friends once or twice a year (and this is the only date available).

I've suggested we could have lunch with his folks on the Fri, and they will obviously be around for Sat lunch and Sunday too.

But he has flown into a rage and patronisingly said he will be 'very disappointed with me' if I decide to go, as we should be 'hosting' his parents.

His parents are in their late 70s/ early 80s, and will spend all evening in front of the TV, OR DH & his dad will disappear into the study to look at stuff on the computer.

I'm quite surprised and by his response, and a bit about his demand that I play 'little 50s-style wifey' all weekend

What do you think? AIBU?

And as for poor Arfishy's in-laws - and this doesn't happen often - words fail me!

I would assume that his parents were primarily visiting him and therefore I would go out on the friday without a second thought!!

YANBU ! pmsl at vacuuming the tv screen - is your DH mine?

Go out.
LOL at your DH behaviour and use the said ammunition. If my DH said this i would make doubly sure i went out and really enjoyed myself

I probably wouldn't go out if PIL's were visiting especially if they only come a few times a year.

However... I wouldn't like to be 'told off' like that and as you say he's done things like this before and you've not made a drama out of it.

Don't really know what to advise tbh, if you go you'll have to endure his wrath and sulks adn whatnot, but if you stay in will you feel you've been told what to do, and will the resentment carry on for you?

What can you live with the most?

Great opportunity for your DH to spend some time on his own taking care of his parents.

Be very nice and welcoming to your PILs all day and make sure your DH is going to give them a lovely supper (you might want to give him some discreet help). Then go out and enjoy yourself with your friends.

YANBU

My in laws are threatening promising a visit in August, it will last 3 weeks. They are of the arfishy school of inlawing.

I am planning to 'work' one weekend (I have decided to tell dh I'm working too then there can be no letting slip), I am encouraging him to take them and the dcs away another weekend . I have also told him he must sort out his work schedule so that he is here evenings/weekends when they are. My MIL uses every opportunity (eg offered someone else a drink before her) to claim ill-treatment from me.
I can no longer be bothered with it

LadyThompson has some good suggestions, ivegote headache wouldn't you? I'm trying to think how I'd feel if the tables were turned, I'm not sure I'd be that upset if someone went out while I was visiting. I would if they went out the whole time but for a few hours no. Would it be OK for you to take the dcs swimming at the weekend without them or go to the supermarket? Just wondering how long/short a visit needs to be for it to be rude. I'm guessing OPs meal was organised before their visit.

Is anyone else suprised that the inlaws would care in the slightest about their DIL not being there for a few hours? I can understand them being put out if their soon wasn't there or the GCS...but not their DIL..

ah, there are some people who just expect you to do the full ceremonial whenever they turn up - and sometimes men never grow out of being DS to their DM. About a week after I had come back from hospital after having DS, and was knackered from constant bf'ing and lack of sleep, my ever-loving DH "suggested" that I could drag myself out of bed a bit earlier (=3 hours earlier) to entertain him mum, who was staying with us, as she was getting a bit bored. Perhaps I should start my own AIBU thread for wanting to do him serious harm after that?!( just in case I get accused of latent marital abuse)

As yet, do we know whether it is just the OP's DH having a hissy fit, or would the PIL really care?

I'm sure my in-laws are looking forward to me going to 'work' as much as I am

oooh whippet i remember your in-laws from their weirdy bf behaviour. They are unhinged.

GO OUT. Entertain them all day grinning in anticipation of your exit. Tell them how upset you were when you realised the date clash but one must honour previous arrangements .

Besides you are sure they will love spending time with their son and grandchildren without boring you getting in the way. All to be said in very jolly voice with no room for dissent before loudly asking for drink/snack orders, major bustling and changing of subject while charging off to the kitchen.

OK - quick update, 'cos I know MN-ers like to know what happens.....

DH hadn't talked about this since I last posted, I think he assumed I WOULDN'T be going, and I am planning to, but was waiting for the right moment this week to 'remind' him...

ANYWAY.... PILs have just phoned to say that they're NOT coming after all, as FIL is unwell.

SO..... problem sorted after all!
Obviously I'm not pleased that it's because FIL is unwell, but strange how these things have a habit of working out

(BTW, the PILs didn't yet know I was going out, so it's not that they're having a hissy fit about it....!)

I have to say I'm on your DH's side in principle - if my parents only came to stay twice a year (and it was only for a weekend) and DH announced he was going out for dinner I'd be peed off too!

However, I wouldn't say I was disappointed, I'd just tell him I'd prefer it if he didn't as my parents would like to spend time with him too. Is this really the only date your friends can do?

It does sound like you are the one who has to compromise quite often though (him missing the DC's events) - so I'd address this too. Doesn't mean you should do the same as him though if this is important to him.

Oops old thread!

I'll slink off now

Pleased for you Whippet. Obviously hope your FIL isn't seriously ill though - just a little something treatable and minor!

Still think you need to have a little general talky with your DH though...bout him missing things but you not being allowed to.