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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I possibly am and it is terribly trivial but my MIL is very infuriating

44 replies

llareggub · 30/06/2008 20:53

My PIL babysit for me a couple of times a week while I work part-time. DS is 20 months and is very active. We very rarely use his buggy these days, as he is an excellent walker and when we go for walks I go at this pace.

PIL have always been incredibly odd about the buggy. They think I am incredibly mean to make him walk everywhere. Occasionally he goes in the buggy if we are going out around nap time, but that is about it. They are really disapproving of the walks we go on, which I found utterly bizarre.

Anyway, I came home from work today to find them bundling the buggy into the back of their car. I asked them why they were taking it and they told me they thought they'd might as well take it to their house and bring it to us on the days they babysit. I'm not working tomorrow so I asked if I could have it back, only to be asked if I planned to use it.

Now, I don't think I was entirely unreasonable to reply that I didn't know, but given that my son would be with me, there was a much greater probability that I would choose to use his buggy than a pair of 60 year olds with no toddlers!

MIL was a bit sniffy about it, to be honest, and I am utterly bewildered about the whole thing. They even tried to take the buggy away on the day before our holiday.

Rant over, I think. Am I missing something really obvious and am therefore unreasonable, or is this all about odd?

OP posts:
Original poster
llareggub · 30/06/2008 20:55

I should add that I always have him face me in the buggy so I could chat to him as we wandered aimlessly around. I had lots of negative comments from them about that, too, as they said he wanted to see where he was going!

OP posts:
BibiThree · 30/06/2008 20:55

Odd, but PIL tend to me.

WinkyWinkola · 30/06/2008 20:56

Weird.

It's your buggy. Why are they taking your property away? It's irrelevant whether you plan to use it or not. It's your property.

controlfreakyagain · 30/06/2008 20:57

have you asked them why they want to take your buggy home with them??

JudgeNutmeg · 30/06/2008 20:57

Did they buy it for you?

WinkyWinkola · 30/06/2008 20:57

And tell them that if they've nothing nice to say, then please not to say anything.

You're his mum. You decide how you raise your child. Don't let their negative judgements get to you. They've had their parenting turn.

RosaLuxembunting · 30/06/2008 20:57

VERY strange behaviour IMO. What were they planning to do with the buggy?
They sound quite odd.

mamablue · 30/06/2008 20:58

Sounds a bit strange. Can you just ask them outright if they need it for a particular reason? Can your Dh ask them?

scottishmum007 · 30/06/2008 20:58

that's just PIL for you though, mine are odd aswell. That's why I hardly visit them, avoid them like the plague.

Original poster
llareggub · 30/06/2008 20:59

They bought it for us as a gift before DS was born, so they have always been a bit possessive of it. DH is their only child so I suspect they aren't planning to give it to relatives and besides, it was a gift to us.

Phew, glad others feel it a bit odd.

OP posts:
Chequers · 30/06/2008 20:59

Message withdrawn

TestyClay · 30/06/2008 20:59

Very peculiar. If they desperately need a buggy for him to hang on to - could you offer to get an additional one - cheapy from mothercare/toysrus or something?

onepieceoflollipop · 30/06/2008 20:59

Odd, but I have odd ils myself!

BibiThree · 30/06/2008 21:00

Oh and I managed to p*ss my MIL off by asking that she use my rear facing seat when driving 11mo around, not her forward facing one (which she had put in the car already as she'd weighed the dts last time she looked after them and decided they were okay for for forward facing). Apparently the rear facing ones are just too hard for her to manage with her carpal tunnel symdrome, even though she's managed no problem for the last 11 months. She should know by now that

  1. I won't compromise my baby's safety for her convenience
  2. I also have carpal tunnel and manage fine

Sorry, i come across as a complete b*tch when posting about MIL but she just does something to me that bring out my inner cowbag.

ingles2 · 30/06/2008 21:00

Did the PIL buy or contribute towards the buggy? It sounds like they think you're saying the buggy isn't good enough which is why we walk, so they'll have it back iykwim.... odd anyway

stillovefoxes · 30/06/2008 21:01

Maybe your dh could shed some light on thier behaviour?

Original poster
llareggub · 30/06/2008 21:01

I can't think what they planned to do with it. They've only tried to take it twice, and both times were in the last fortnight.

I think I might be getting hyper-sensitive but I feel they are quite critical of me and DH generally so I see it as some sort of stand against our failure to use the buggy generally. I can't see why it is such a big deal to them, if I'm honest.

They look after DS at our house and buggy usually lives quite happily in the garage.

OP posts:
ingles2 · 30/06/2008 21:01

god I'm so slow...
x post with everyone

Chequers · 30/06/2008 21:02

Message withdrawn

pointydog · 30/06/2008 21:03

ahhh. They feel you are not making full use of their gift.

It is a bit odd but they obviously had a different idea on their heads of how their expensive gift would be used.

You need to tell them striaght that you do use it occasionally and it is very useful and lovely.

ingles2 · 30/06/2008 21:03

they are then,...saying we'll have it back if you don't want it! Ask them...that'll embarrass them not to take it again

Original poster
llareggub · 30/06/2008 21:04

DH will not say anything to them, but freely admits they can be odd.

They are very risk averse and very, very careful about everything. DS will never come to any harm in their care because they hover behind him telling him to be careful with every step he takes. My wonderful son repays them by being a huge dare devil and completely fearless. Their attitude towards DS has been very revealing in terms of my DH's personality, I must say.

They are lovely people really, just a bit odd sometimes. And infuriating.

OP posts:
Original poster
llareggub · 30/06/2008 21:08

We used it to death until he could walk! I still use it, just not very often these days. In fact at their suggestion we bought a second, lightweight buggy to keep at their house. When we bought it they didn't like it so we kept the lighter weight one for holidays etc.

It was expensive, but I really made use of it. I still use it when I need to, but I have a very active toddler to tire out!

OP posts:
stillovefoxes · 30/06/2008 21:08

Agree with pointydog, tell them hoe much you still appreciate it, you'll proabaly make their day

Original poster
llareggub · 30/06/2008 21:09

You could have a point I think about them thinking we don't appreciate it. I do.

OP posts:
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