AIBU to buy very little for my four month old at Christmas?

[ForDreamyLemonRobin]

Im thinking about the dreaded christmas already and have had a disagreement with SIL over presents and then favourite children...
I have two DS one who's 2.5 and feeling slightly more into Christmas this year and then I've got a 4 month old. To me it seems silly to waste money buying my second child anything when I still have clothes and toys left over from the first? My SIL thinks im picking favourites (we do go slightly overboard on the 2.5 year old) but I think its more logical and not a waste of money, the 4 month old won't know he doesn't have presents? Obviously I'll get him something so my toddler can see that his brother gets gifts from santa too but I'm thinking one or two small gifts. Do you think it's unreasonable not to bother with the baby?

Very, very sensible OP.

In theory fine, but your toddler can’t get 30 presents and your baby two because of the perception it gives your toddler.

But wrap things up for the baby that you’d already be getting - clothes, nappies, dummies, formula so you’re not spending extra but they have an equivalent size pile from the toddlers perspective.

I'd make sure his brother knows Santa has brought him presents, but at 4 months he honestly won't care. I remember DS2 (who was 8 months old) happily chewing the packaging, so an amount of wrapped presents got quietly pushed under the sofa and appeared a few months later for his 1st birthday.

Yanbu
Honestly I think i bought a small lovie type thing for a fiver and that was it for youngest. My oldest got zero...

If you have everything you need for now I’d think of something that will get used in the next year/before the baby’s birthday and buy that. Doesn’t even need to be brand new.

I agree in general it’s pointless buying a baby anything and I never did get my own anything under 1 because they have no clue and relatives get more than enough.

Buy them some premium binds or put money into a trust fund.

We also had to buy more than we would have for the younger sibling so that the older sibling wouldn't think (even more than he already did) that he was more important and deserved more. Our age gap was a bit better though as younger DC was a newborn at Christmas, so we didn't have to start getting presents until he was one. If he's four months now he'll be needing a toothbrush and maybe some new weaning stuff if your older DC shredded bibs and things as much as mine did.

Do them both a stocking from Santa, and give them both presents from you, the baby can just have clothes etc, and the toddler can have the gifts you’d normally buy. You say you already go a bit overboard, might be better to reduce it, he’s at an age now where the excitement will start and it can actually be overwhelming. Staggering the presents through the day, start with the stocking, then breakfast, then a couple of presents from you, and stop to play with them, and so on. Opening everything in one go is often too much for little ones and they get over stimulated.

I’m not sure I bought my (then) 4 month old anything much for her first Christmas? I mean, a couple of age appropriate toys that I’d probably have bought anyway. They are just as happy with the boxes and wrapping paper.

Wrapping up things we already have is a great idea thanks! We usually go over the top with one big (expensive imo) gift for my toddler rather than lots, so the disparity shouldn't be that big. But I'll definitely wrap up some of my old toddlers toys he's forgotten about and clothes so at least he can see they've both got gifts!

I think I bought one cheap toy and a personalised Christmas bauble for us to keep when it was my baby’s first Christmas - that’s it.

We were in the same position last year, baby was just five months at Christmas. We didn’t get him anything! A lot of friends were asking what we were getting him for Christmas and when I said nothing, some seemed to find that a little shocking! But he had everything he needed, he wouldn’t have had a clue.

Do this. I also always wrap up a few of their own presents when they're little as that is what theywan't see more than anything.
Don't buy loads of present, for your toddler, three or four in the stocking at max, and one under the tree is more than enough. They get over wrought anyway, if they get given too much and thats no fun for anyone.

I keep having this issue when people ask what to get him too! I've tried to think of something he actually needs, and there really is nothing at this point!

Agree with pp we wrapped up some of DC1's old baby toys for DC2 who was 7 months old. We let DC1 choose one toy to be a gift from him to the baby, and he got a gift 'from the baby' in return (we don't do 'all presents are from Santa').

I think the reason we go over the top for my toddler is there's no one else to do it, he'll get one present from my side of the family and two presents from my partners side. Whereas I still remember all the presents I had growing up off the most random people.

I love this idea! Definitely going to steal it, it'll help with my toddler learning not everything is for him too if he gets to pick something specifically for the baby!

Same! It’s so lovely that people want to buy him gifts but I just didn’t have a clue what to suggest.

If it helps, a lot of people bought him toys for 12m+. I’ll be honest at the time I found it quite overwhelming, wondering where I’d store all these big toys that he wouldn’t be using for ages. But when the time came around it was a GOD SEND. From about 8/9months he was ready for his “bigger” toys, and we didn’t have to buy a single one for ages, as we had so many from Christmas. So even though it feels a little premature now, by the time April/May comes around, you’ll hugely appreciate them. Although I know you’ve got an older child so you may have all that sort of stuff already!

We wrapped up old/forgotten stuff of DC1 when DC2 wasn't very old the first (and second) Christmas, then just put some money into her savings account. You could ask family to put money into savings for her, or pension (mine have got quite a bit in their pensions now which will be a relief when they're older)

When my second was v little over Xmas, I gave one present (a book maybe) to the baby, just so the older one wouldn't think that Santa had forgotten her and then asked everyone else for no presents for the baby! Maybe they complained behind my back, but it meant I didn't get a heap of things that I didn't need!

They don't need it, though, and you're much better. Saving that money for them too be able to afford to go to university or buy a house or go on decent holidays and have fun times than on more stuff that nobody really needs.
Much better to make christmas especially special around things that really hold in the memory. Things my young adults now remember, is the anticipation of the day, looking for FCs sleigh in the sky (thank you satellite trackers!), making and decorating the tree.singing carols and Christmas songs, playing board games, nice food and having friends and family round for dinner on christmas day. They can barely remember any other presents!

OP are you an oldest child and is SIL a youngest child?

I'm a youngest and now I'm a parent I totally understand why you would pass things down, but I do remember being a child and not having new clothes picked just for me (I have so many female cousins too) and some were a bit bobbly and it didn't feel great. If I have multiple children I think ill reuse whatever is in good condition but also buy them new stuff just for them.

Absolutely.
I totally disagree with the 'all presents are from Santa' approach, for a couple of reasons

1. If you ever got into financial difficulties, you would have to find some way to explain to a child why Santa hasn't got him very much this year, or has got him far less than his friends. Much easier to explain to a 6 year old that money is tight because a parent has lost a job. Children should not be totally shielded from thinking about family money and understanding that all families are different.
2. Children should learn about giving and receiving, and most importantly saying thank you to the giver, and saying it graciously, even if they don't like the present. This is such a key thing to learn. Also learning the joy of choosing and giving presents to family members.

Only the morning 'stocking' is from Father Christmas, and that only has small and cheap presents in, plus sweets.

I would be careful about getting expensive presents that are just for the toddler. In my house the outside swing/slide/monkey bar playset was a present from Santa to the eldest. The play kitchen and keyboard were also his presents.
Obviously we didn't buy the next child down (4 year gap) one of each of these. Oldest was good at sharing but liked to regularly mention that really they were his things.
Much better that Santa gets the big ticket item for the whole family and you all proclaim how much mummy and daddy love the new trampoline, etc. and the baby will love it when they are older too.

I don't believe in buying things just for the sake of it. I didn't fully develop this attitude until I had baby number 2 though 😅

He was only a few months old for his first Chanukah (I suppose the Jewish equivalent to Christmas!) and he only got things that we were planning on getting him anyway. New clothes etc. Older child never questioned it.

I figure second children tend to inherit so much stuff from their older sibling, so if you buy them both as many things, they'll actually end up with twice as many toys and clothes as their older sibling. That wouldn't be fair either! So I chose to buy fewer things until they were old enough to actual understand what was happening. They're both at school now so obviously now they get the same amount of things, or similar amounts of money spent on them depending on what they actually want. And sometimes they even get joint presents 😱 I know, I'm a shocking parent.