To leave kids out of birthday party invitation

[jayni149]

DD (year 1) has her birthday coming up. She is having her party at home (with an activity - entertainer type thing). In an ideal world we'd have no more than 20 kids, but could stretch a little if needed. We have 2 siblings, 1 cousin and 2 neighbours to include in that number.

There are 15 kids in her class, most of whom she gets on with. But there are 3 boys who are very "energetic" who have taken to rough housing with her which she doesn't like. It is week 3 and we have already had to address it twice with the school. She doesn't want these boys at her party.

She has another 5ish very close friends from last year who are in the other year 1 class this year. She would like to invite her class minus the 3 boys, plus her favourite friends from the other class.

I've said I don't think we can exclude the 3 boys from a mixed party, and that she should either invite the whole class or choose a smaller number. DH thinks she should invite who she likes.

Please help! YABU - she can invite who she likes. YANBU - you can't exclude 3 from a class of 15

Well we’ve not been very helpful have we with 50/50 😂

i always think of it if it was my child not getting invited, how would you and your DD feel if everyone but your DD and two others weren’t invited? Are you having parents stay? If yes invite them all as parents can help their children behave and if no I certainly wouldn’t be having 20 children in my home!

Invite half the current class, a few from the old class plus family. Keep the numbers small.

I wouldn’t want to invite these boys either but I don’t think you can do 12/15 without causing a lot of offence. Even parents of the 12 are likely to judge you for it. I would either do all the girls. Or do 5 family/neighbours, 5 from the old class and 5 from the new, total 15 kids, and that way you’re not excluding a tiny minority, and added bonus that it limits the chaos caused by that many 5/6 year olds in your home.

I agree with this.
Absolutely fine to not want boisterous children in your house. Your daughter doesn't have to like them and she doesn't have to invite them....but inviting 12 from a class of 15 is going to bring fallout.

Up to you how you handle it, but it's not going to go down well.

I wouldn't invite them (might consider if it was just one boy, but not three potential troublemakers in your house together), but also wouldn't invite 12 out of 15. I agree with your original impulse to make it a smaller number rather than try to go ahead do a whole class party when unfortunately the class dynamics just aren't working.

You either invite-

a. the whole class
b. All the girls (in this cases or boys if it was a DS)
c. Actual friends totalling less than half the class

Excluding three such tiny children is just mean even if they are boisterous.

Edit - to be clear, in this scenario I’d go for b or c

Absolutely let her invite just who she wants.

People who reply about "potential issues in the future" if you miss kids off - like what? Oh no, annoying little Bobby's mum will blank me in the playground?! Like I don't understand what these mysterious "issues" might be and why I might care about them??

I would do this. It will look less obvious then. Also, none of us are clear what this 'rough housing' actually is. Is it simply that they three boys play together and knock into others?

Your child invites who they want to invite. I have never played the “whole class” game and neither did any of the other parents of my daughters classmates.

Not being invited to every single party used to be a normal part of life and quite frankly, still should be.

My daughter (now in y7) was never bothered about not being invited to a party because I never made it something she should care about.