Struggling with isolation after friendship loss

[SugarSpunSoul]

I'm 57, divorced, and live alone in a small town, and this summer has been one of the loneliest of my life.
A close friend of many years started to become very cold and began excluding me from things. It followed my marriage breakdown, her husband remained friendly with my ex, and although she'd been supportive initially, she gradually started to ghost me despite us all being in the same friendship group. I really struggled with this.
I confided in another friend from the same group, someone I'd been close to for many years, pretty much a best friend. She was warm and sympathetic and said we'd get together and talk about it. She's avoided me ever since. She responds to my social media posts with hearts and likes, and on my birthday she messaged to say she'd take me out for a drink. I never heard another word about it and didn't see her on my birthday.
What makes this particularly hard is that I'm a long way from my family who live in another country and these two women were my main source of day-to-day friendship and support. My youngest child has just left for college, I work from home, and this friendship group was a significant part of my support system. I do have good friends elsewhere and a supportive family, but they're not nearby, and the day-to-day isolation is really getting to me.
Has anyone else been through something like this? How did you come out the other side?

@OneNewEagleyes that’s certainly been my experience of it 😔

@OneNewEagle My DH has earned a lot more than our friends but it’s been that way for 40 years! We aren’t young. That’s why we had friends to stay and hosted get togethers. We do have more space. Some old friends live 5 miles away (nearly 50 years!) and they had other mutual “friends” to stay with them recently. Previously we’ve hosted the friends and we’ve seen each other over the weekend. Now we didn’t even get invited over for a coffee! They have just moved but my DH was not happy. It’s his best man doing this.

There has to be an element of jealousy or begrudgery playing in to that somewhere. It’s sad when old friends distance themselves, makes you question the decades you spent being their friend

Just to say the likes on social media I unfriended my ‘friend’ on there as she was doing that and commenting on my pictures but making no effort to talk to me or see me.

@teaandtoastwithmarmite I hadn’t thought of doing that but I think I might, as it feels fake to keep up messages on photos but avoid that person in real life. Do people know when you unfriend them on insta or facebook?

Same happened to me, I was completely isolated after divorce. People just didn't have the time for me. The invitations dried up. I'd invite people but didn't get invitations back.

What I did was this: I found that I was focused heavily on winning the friendship of a few people who never seemed to have time for me. There were others who DID, but for some reason it wasn't their friendship I valued. So I made one big shift in attitude. Focus on building relationships with people who have time for me. Doesn't matter if we have less in common or they live far away or whatever, they were the ones who were able to reciprocate. I'm not talking huge numbers here, just one or two people. It made a huge difference to my life, and very slowly my circle expanded with new people. I always have things going on now and my calendar is mostly full. A work colleague asked me how I have so many friends and social events! If only she knew me a five years ago.

I also reconnected with old friends from childhood who now live in different parts of the world now and I've travelled to visit them too. There is LOTS of life left after divorce.

I would always look forward, easier said than done of course.

You sound really lovely and deserve better. You are doing all the right things.
What part of the country are you in, don’t have to be too specific and out yourself though

Yes. I value those who reciprocate. I really appreciate their friendship.

Could other mutual friends have said something about you? No idea what or the reason why? What happens if you invite each couple over to yours separately?

if your DH is upset as it is his close friend he could directly ask if he’s that sort of person. It all depends as that could also then be used as a reason.

@OneNewEagle Best man friend does what his wife says! Not sure that’s an avenue of enquiry. We have decided to make the best of it. I doubt other visiting couple would be anti seeing us. It felt choreographed by best man’s wife! It’s odd because she’s always wanting us all to meet up! But in hotels on weekends away. We cannot get our heads round it and have decided we aren’t going to! However exclusion is not pleasant and I certainly recognise that relying on old friendships is not what we should do.