Struggling with isolation after friendship loss

[SugarSpunSoul]

I'm 57, divorced, and live alone in a small town, and this summer has been one of the loneliest of my life.
A close friend of many years started to become very cold and began excluding me from things. It followed my marriage breakdown, her husband remained friendly with my ex, and although she'd been supportive initially, she gradually started to ghost me despite us all being in the same friendship group. I really struggled with this.
I confided in another friend from the same group, someone I'd been close to for many years, pretty much a best friend. She was warm and sympathetic and said we'd get together and talk about it. She's avoided me ever since. She responds to my social media posts with hearts and likes, and on my birthday she messaged to say she'd take me out for a drink. I never heard another word about it and didn't see her on my birthday.
What makes this particularly hard is that I'm a long way from my family who live in another country and these two women were my main source of day-to-day friendship and support. My youngest child has just left for college, I work from home, and this friendship group was a significant part of my support system. I do have good friends elsewhere and a supportive family, but they're not nearby, and the day-to-day isolation is really getting to me.
Has anyone else been through something like this? How did you come out the other side?

Thanks @Mary46it is yes. I’m working meeting new friends and building on existing ones that I was not seeing as often. Hate the “we must meet up soon” line

Thanks @Thepeopleversuswork- I’m working on moving forwards, I don’t like to look back, but occasionally I’ll be reminded of it and miss the company, but nothing stays the same I guess

What you describe, how this friendship has descended into meaningless facebook emojis and 'we must meets' is fucking heartbreaking and I think I'd be angry as much as anything. As for the other one blanking you, I have no words. What is wrong with people?

I’m 64 and separated from Exh 10 years. I have let friendships drift away without expecting the void to be filled. I am exhausted by being a filler in someone’s social calendar. It feels like I am facing the reality of life at this time in my life. I quite enjoy the honesty, that I am just not important in the lives of others. Yes. They are busy, time constrained, exhausted themselves. Oh well, there you go. It is what it is.🌻

It is hurtful. Always me reaching out. I suit myself more now. One was back in area but would never call in but you would hear weeks later she was around.. I do think people super flaky now. You cant rely on them. Sisters only text me if its about a lift for my mam!!

Yes it makes me question the last 20years of the friendship and what the hell was it all for if it could disappear so easily, it shakes my trust in people

I can relate to so much of this . A group of friends stepped away when I divorced almost like it was contagious. You find out who has your back when you divorce and it can be a surprise . Only the other day I was thinking back to what I’ve achieved since divorce . I’ve had a change of career ,travelled to so many different countries and met so many people I’m sure I wouldn’t have , if stayed married. I now have Grand children which adds another layer to life. OP life isn’t over and the best is yet to come🌈 I have also watched Karma do its work over the years. Don’t expect too much too soon , let your life develop again without expecting anything and being disappointed.

Ahh im sorry you going through this. Id suggest you join a gym and do classes maybe a reading group. Adult education in floristry or something. Wfh is isolating do you like your job? Can you work hybrid or get a office job for social contact? Online dating maybe?
i know there is a local ladies meet up group in kent where thet do walks pottery painting, wonder if anything in your area? Its on instagram.
i know you feel too young but my dads retirement group has lots of early 60s they do beach days, talks, walks theatre trips. Anything worth a go really to keep you positive and a routine.my dad did bowls he hated but after mum went he tried hard and from bowls he got invited to lunch dates made friends from that group it can lead to things by being present.
local fb or library may have things.

I’m in my 50s all friends have disappeared now.

I live a long way from my hometown and have built a life here with my DP, a home, adult DC and pets. But if DP split up with me I would move back home or that sort of area at least.

And yes divorces are when the friends and other side of the family just disappear. My parents went though a really bad divorce when I was a child and we were just left mum and the kids. all dads side of the family wanted nothing to do with us and all the friends melted away. (My dad was the guilty party)

mum moved away for a new start.

I am married but DH and me feel that keeping friends and making friends is very difficult now. We have people who we thought were good friends, who see other mutual friends, but leave us out. We aren’t included. We are told afterwards of their lunch dates, concerts etc. We now have assumed the friends and “mutual friends” are not really friends at all. We are more or less ships in the night. We don’t know what to do about it but we feel discarded until it suits them to see us. Some are god parents to our dc. We have been very proactive in having get togethers at Christmas and for birthdays but no one reciprocates. DH and me just have to get on with it I guess but finding replacements is a challenge!

We’ve had similar. They go from very close friends to nothing. So we’ve currently given up and just do things together.

@OneNewEagle Have you any idea why? We are really unclear about why this has happened. I’m not sure what else we could have done.

No we don’t know either.

my DP thought that from an outsiders perspective it might look like our lives had improved slightly so that could have started it up (we went from renting a nice cottage to buying a standard 3 bed semi doer upper).

I am ND so I analyse everything and remember silly things and I don’t think it was that. I feel like I did something, but I have no idea what.

@MeetMeOnTheCorner Oh and one of the couples was my closest friend since school I’m in my 50s now. we’ve gone through everything together. so I think my DP is wrong as a change of address is not going to cause that.

I would go home where family are, these so called friends have shown there true colours!

@ABitFabyes I think that’s the direction I’m moving in - I feel so good when back in hometown with close family and old friends, it just feels right

I'd go. Why be miserable and alone in one place when there is another place where family and friends would welcome you? That's without taking into account the safety of having support closer by if seizures should happen.

I'm almost 50, and friendships have changed for me as well, though not as a result of divorce. It's difficult, although I'm comfortable enough in my own company. If I had your choice, I'd take it.

Thanks @shhblackbagyes the health thing has really made it more likely for me now that my youngest is away off to college in England and I’m in Northern Ireland.

@Loopylambs that’s exactly it, I feel like a contagious virus that people are avoiding or backing away from - it’s not something I expected. The thing is most of my friends (well all really) were very supporting during the separation period (maybe waiting to see how things would shake out, or if we would reconcile) but once the divorce was through that’s when I noticed a quiet falling away. Although in the case of this specific friend it was actual hostile treatment, possibly my ex was talking to her Dh about me in negative terms and she took his side, she had also become very friendly with my ex’s new partner

@Purplthamk you - I have just joined a gym cos only just have my car back after 15 months becasue of having to surrender it due to the seizure which was so so hard cos felt totally isolated and marooned in my house, which made the whole friendship group thing ever harder. But now I plan to travel more at weekends to family and other friends. Getting car back has been a life saver.

@OneNewEaglethankfully at least I am still on very good terms with my in laws and see them occasionally as they live in the same town as me. Only issue is that my ex lives around the corner from me with his new partner so I bump into the all the time in shops cafes pubs etc

@MeetMeOnTheCornerthats horrible. What is wrong with people I wonder sometimes 😔

Some people are very shallow and will show their true colours , you are better off without them . Dont give them too much thought or energy.

Yeah that’s how it is I think. Separation they are still around. Then when it’s finalised and or one of you meets someone new all friends just disappear overnight.