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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect DH to be able to sort his own dirty washing?

27 replies

TheGoddessBlossom · 30/06/2008 13:51

I do mine - I do our two DS's. He had a huge go at me this morning saying that YET AGAIN I had folded a dirty t-shirt of his back into one of his drawers. YET AGAIN I told him that if he just drops it on the floor I will put it away, I do not have time to individually check each item for dirt!

PUT IT ON THE LANDING SO I KNOW IT IS DIRTY! Or better still make your way down the one flight of stairs to the laundry basket and put it in there! Not ON it - IN IT!

Grrrr

OP posts:
itati · 30/06/2008 13:52

If he can't be an adult in his own home don't do anything with his clothes. Just leave them where he does. He will soon run out of clean pants and get the message.

You are not his mother. Remember that.

Original poster
TheGoddessBlossom · 30/06/2008 13:55

I know I'm not. It's a fine line though, he's not my dad yet he does the mowing the lawn, paying the mortgage etc. I don't mind washing his clothes, I don't even mind putting them away becuase I want a tidy spare room. I just do NOT want to be blamed for his dirty clothes when he can't perform a simple task like "labelling" it dirty.

OP posts:
dittany · 30/06/2008 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheGoddessBlossom · 30/06/2008 13:58

Doing the washing, his and our sons, is for the family. I have no issue with that being within my list of responsibilities. But the parameters of that task only stretch to a certain point.

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowers · 30/06/2008 14:01

Agree with Op entirely.

DH is a mechanic and gets very sweaty and filthy so needs a fresh shirt and trousers every day.
If he deopsits them all round the house, except in front of the washing machine, i will put them back in his wardrobe, I REFUSE to SNIFF his dirty laundry to see if it is dirty or not.

Twice last week he had to go to work smelling like a week old kebab as he had no clean clothes to put. My bad? I don't think so.

Love2bake · 30/06/2008 14:01

IKWYM - My DH leaves his clothes everywhere and never puts anything away / or in the wash-bin.

When I finally tell him to deal with it, he just plonks it all in the wash and I end up with a weeks washing

Anna8888 · 30/06/2008 14:04

No, you are definitely not being unreasonable

It is absolutely standard practice for one adult member of the household to take all responsibility for laundry - nothing shocking about that. What is not OK is for your DH to not participate in putting his clothes away in the appropriate place (which may inlude inside the laundry basket) once he has finished wearing them.

Could you not have a laundry basket upstairs? I put a special laundry basket in my stepsons' bedroom to avoid "issues".

itati · 30/06/2008 14:05

"he's not my dad yet he does the mowing the lawn, paying the mortgage etc"

Does your dad pay your mortgage and do your gardening?

It is about being a family and all working together to run the family home.

HermanMunster · 30/06/2008 14:08

""he's not my dad yet he does the mowing the lawn, paying the mortgage etc"

Does your dad pay your mortgage and do your gardening?

It is about being a family and all working together to run the family home."

i think that was her point as someone said she shouldn't do his washing as she is not his mother. she was pointing out that doing something for your oh isn't being his parent it is a division of responsibilities.

itati · 30/06/2008 14:09

I didn't say she shouldn't do his washing as she wasn't his mother.

I said she shouldn't be running around after him if he can't be bothered to put his dirty clothes in the right place to be washed.

rookiemater · 30/06/2008 14:11

YANBU at all ! I do about 90% of the laundry but I will not pick any DH clothing items from the floor, its bad enough picking up the DS stuff that is strewn between bathroom and bedroom when its his turn to put him to bed.

I also do not pair socks. Early in our relationship we did a deal where DH got the black socks, I got any other colour. I point blank refuse to match a grown mans socks. Even my mother who does absolutely everything for my unreconstructed lazy father doesn't match them.

Your DH is hoping that if he rants enough you will cave in. Just ignore him and he will realise soon enough what he needs to do.

kiddiz · 30/06/2008 14:15

Love2bake my Dh does exactly the same. And my 2 teenage dss are in danger of following suit! They all firmly believe in the laundry fairy.

kiddiz · 30/06/2008 14:20

As if to reinforce this I have just gone into the living room to find ds2 has left his dirty work shirt a pair of boxers and socks on the floor where he has tipped them out of his bag before leaving for work. He will expect that shirt to be clean for work tomorrow. Now should I leave it and let the customers at the shop where he works suffer him in a smelly shirt tomorrow?!!

brightongirldownunder · 30/06/2008 14:42

Why do they do this?
My DH is unable to get to the laundry bin apparently, and therefore has to scatter pants and socks all over house.
I sadly end up doing his washing but only because the one time he did it himself he put a dishwasher tablet in the washing machine. He also tried to handwash some things once - but didn't rinse them. Hence cardboard clothing on line.
When I met him 12 yrs ago he regularly got all of his beloved tshirts dry cleaned (at least 20 of them) and wondered why they started to fall to pieces.

Original poster
TheGoddessBlossom · 30/06/2008 14:46

I think the upstairs washing basket may sort out the issue. Even he can't be too idle not to put them in that. Or can he....

We do have a very clear division of responsibilites. He does all gardening, putting out bins, most of the cooking, car maintenance, and earns the highest wage.

I do all inhouse stuff, ironing, laundry, shopping for food. All very normal I am sure!

OP posts:
Original poster
TheGoddessBlossom · 30/06/2008 14:49

LOL Brighton girl I wonder if he put the dishwasher tablet in on purpose so he would never have to do it again!

OP posts:
brightongirldownunder · 30/06/2008 14:53

He constantly says "I'll do the washing" and I break out in a cold sweat, so goddess, think he did do it on purpose!

jura · 30/06/2008 14:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brightongirldownunder · 30/06/2008 15:05

What I don't understand is what they think happens when the pants run out? Do they really turn them inside out?

Myfairone · 30/06/2008 15:07

Try and think of it like puppy training! You start off with a helpless little puppy who knows nothing. By repetition he will learn...neatly fold all of his dirty washing and put it back in the drawers for one week! If he complains tell him that you are prepared to wash, iron and fold clothes but are not prepared to pick up or sort his clothes! When he manages to pick up his clothes congratulate him and go completely over the top! Pat him on the back and give him treats

When he finds he has no clean clothes he will learn. You can teach an old dog new tricks but its a ton of work and you have to be persistent. Good luck!

Original poster
TheGoddessBlossom · 30/06/2008 15:10

that's the thing Jura DH doesn't notice it either, until he starts roaring WHERE'S MY [insert random fave item of the moment]? All his clothes are in our spare room so if I don't want our guests nestling to sleep with his dirty undies I have to do something about them. It's all very well saying "just leave them till he runs out" but reality is I want a clean and tidy spare room for guests.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheGoddessBlossom · 30/06/2008 15:12

Myfairone - i like the concept. And lucky you if it works with your other half. I however, dont seem to have the same kind of DH that others on MN have - a really laid back, kind of dopey, sleepy "oh ok love I get it" guy. I have a quite short tempered, likes things the way he likes them, fiery sort of chap. Who I do love to pieces I hasten to add. Puppy training would not work on him, trust me.

OP posts:
GentleOtter · 30/06/2008 15:19

I put anything that has been lurking on the grass. If it is still there when the grass needs cut then I burn them.

brightongirldownunder · 30/06/2008 15:50

Very cunning Otter, very cunning indeed.. [makes notes}

itati · 30/06/2008 15:55

MY DH puts his dirty clothes in the washing basket.

If yours doesn't, don't wash them. Simple.