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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to send my daughters PE teacher a letter tomorrow

58 replies

MumRum · 29/06/2008 22:43

DD has left her PE kit at school and doesn't know where it is, she's asked me to write a letter to her pe teacher to tell her she cant do PE tomorrow morning because of some make up illness, I have refused... BUT I am tempted to put in a letter .. "my daughter is a pain in the arse and keeps loosing her stuff, please punish her"
maybe this will make her more responsible for her stuff as in the last year at school she has lost....
1 expensive trainer
1 fleeces so we made her put money towards a new one and she bloodly lost that as well.. then she found the first one...
2 sweatshirts
recently 1 bag of clothes (trousers, top, jumper) that she'd lent her friend and the friend returned
and now her pe kit
It wouldn't be so bad if she was remorseful but she really doesn't give a shit...
so how would you handle this...
a) letter excusing her from PE
b) letter telling teacher to punish her
c) nothing... let her deal with it... lifes to short to worry....

by the way letters will be in a sealed envelope..

OP posts:

greenelizabeth · 29/06/2008 23:16

I have swung the other way now. I'm sympathising with you. A girl who can come home without her shoes!???

I think your original letter to the PE teacher is sounding like a better idea. What a complete volte face.

I suppose though, if everytime you lose something, somebody rushes to replace it instantly, at no expense or inconvenience to the 'loser' (so to speak) then there's no incentive to mind your stuff.

If she doesn't mind PE then you're not being cruel.

Joolyjoolyjoo · 29/06/2008 23:24

Lol! I like your letter! My mum once sent me in with a letter when I slept in- I asked her to make me an excuse, she wrote,

Dear Sir,

Please excuse JJJ's tardiness this morning, as her alarm clock was insufficiently alarming.

Your, xxx

On bright green notepaper, as well

orangehead · 29/06/2008 23:25

I have dyspraxia and PE was just living torture with no cordination. Whenever I lose stuff (all the time) I often act like I dont give a damn but I do and I think its like a coping mechanism because if I beat myself up over every stupid thing I would be really depressed and have an even lower self esteem

christywhisty · 29/06/2008 23:27

Ds 12 (dyslexic) has lost his kit about 4 times but he has managed to find it 3 times and it has now been missing for 3 weeks.I replaced it this week as he was going to France and he needed his poloshirt with the logo for the day. He is having to pay the £27 it has cost to replace it.

He has also lost another pair of trainers before christmas, so at one stage he had no trainers at all.

I have written one letter because at one stage he had no trainers at all, so I had to write an excuse to say that I had ordered a pair but they hadn't arrived yet. He doesn't seem to get in any trouble for not having it. Teacher just lets him "help out" with refereeing etc.

greenelizabeth · 29/06/2008 23:28

ha ha jooly, your Mum is a true wit! That's a great line!! I@m going to remember that one.

Original poster

MumRum · 29/06/2008 23:29

orangehead... you've made me feel mean now...

OP posts:

TinkerbellesMum · 29/06/2008 23:32

I wonder whether she does care and so embarrassed by herself that she has to hide it by acting like she doesn't?

Does she have any extra help from the school or outside school?

Original poster

MumRum · 29/06/2008 23:37

DD goes through life in a dream...
The school is aware of DD dyspraxia, but she doesn't get any extra help there... what help would she get outside school [dim emoticon]

OP posts:

milliec · 30/06/2008 06:35

Message withdrawn

Walkthedinosaur · 30/06/2008 07:05

My dyspraxic DS1 (nearly 6) went swimming with his play scheme last week and managed to lose his T-shirt, shorts and pants. He had to travel back to playscheme in his sandals and his towel and then managed to lose his towel once he got back to play scheme. For the life of him he can't remember what he did with his clothes once he took them off. Fortunately he's managed to see the funny side and I'm just glad that I send him there in old clothes. I can't imagine what he's going to be like as he gets older.

Chocolateteapot · 30/06/2008 07:21

I think the lost stuff is just something you have to accept with dyspraxia, I am steeling myself and my bank balance for it as my dyspraxic DD starts middle school in September.

My take on it is that although the attitude must be infuriating, she has a fair bit to contend with and she is a 12 year old girl, so reckon it is some kind of defence mechanism to some extent, therefore I wouldn't go in too heavy as I don't think it will help at all.

Buda · 30/06/2008 07:44

Is everything well labelled? Is there a lost property box at school? DS has lost school jumpers and other stuff but they have usually been in lost property. Anything that hasn't been found has been stolen in my view.

I think she needs more help in trying not to lose things in the first place. Maybe a list in the bag (stuck on?) with the contents i.e PE shoes, shorts, t-shirt or whatever and she can look at it when re-packing the bag to make sure she has everything?

A bigger bag so that everything fits in sounds like a necessity in her case.

Would one of her friends be will to help her? Would she be OK with that? I was thinking if a friend could sort of be her memory-jogger to make sure she had stuff.

Although forgetting she had shoes on is a good one!

Original poster

MumRum · 30/06/2008 07:48

thank for your thoughts every one...

I wrote in her planner that she has lost her PE kit, I refused to lie and say that she'd hurt her leg!
I understand this is part of her dyspraxia, all her stuff in named and I am on first name terms with the ladies in the lost property department!
For the record... she doesn't mind PE I don't think she lost it on purpose.

OP posts:

Blandmum · 30/06/2008 08:03

My ds has dyspraxia and has never lost a thing. DD is NT and loses stuff all the time and nas a very casual manner about the whole thing, which is infuriating.

while the dyspraxia isn't going to be helping yuor dd, learning to say 'God , mum, I'm really sorry' *isn't too hard for a 12 year old, dyspraxia or no dyspraxia!

the fact that losing things has consequences is something that you dd could probably do with learning

Original poster

MumRum · 30/06/2008 08:08

exactly martianbishop.... exactly

OP posts:

TinkerbellesMum · 30/06/2008 14:41

I don't know much about dyspraxia, so don't know what the school could do, but it may be worth making an appointment with the head to ask if there is anything they could do to help.

greenladybird · 30/06/2008 15:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

UniversallyChallenged · 30/06/2008 15:40

eh? Are you on the right thread GLB?

MsDemeanor · 30/06/2008 15:48

I have a dyspraxic child and the ability to provide the right social responses is also party of the syndrome for many children and certainly is for my child. They might laugh at a telling off, or not realise they have to look serious at a funeral, not recognise signs of boredom or frustration in others and so be boring, and all sorts of things. It can run very deep for some children. Also, facial expressions may be slightly 'off' as that also involved motor coordination and planning. Plus, as others have said, there is the embarrassment factor of getting things wrong again. not saying all this will apply to your dd, just that they can complicate things when it comes to looking sorry or remorseful.

itati · 30/06/2008 15:48

Surely a mother should never criticise her child to someone else. And writing she is a PITA isn't going to do you any favours imo.

If your DD is always losing things, then help her to look after them properly and make sure everything is named.

MsDemeanor · 30/06/2008 15:51

Irati - she didn't criticise her, she just said she'd lost her kit! I think all her dd's stuff is named. It is very hard to 'help' a dyspraxic child look after things if you aren't there. I speak from bitter experience!

itati · 30/06/2008 15:53

I have read more now and see there are a few different circumstances and I think helping her to not loose things and letting her know the consequences, may be the way to go. I am the worlds worst mum so I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do.

Blandmum · 30/06/2008 15:58

'Surely a mother should never criticise her child to someone else.'

Jeez the behaviour boards would be empty if everyone took this to heart.

If my kids act like muppets I tell them. and if they act like muppets to other people I discuss it with them. never criticize them? Sheesh, fat chance in this house

Tortington · 30/06/2008 16:00

somtimes your kids are pains in the arse though

what is wrong with saying so?

jesus - precious mums around today

EmmyLou · 30/06/2008 16:15

Sorry, haven't read all the thread, but I do sympathise with MumRun.

My DD1 is 12 and has lost 2 whole PE kits so far...not cheap. Much as I would love the personnal satisfaction of writing a note requesting punishement, I would say just don't get involved. Having no PE kit puts her in an awkward position at school, so let school deal with it.

Write a timetable and put in the kitchen or near the door and remind her to bring kit home as she leaves the house on PE days.

They ALL lose stuff in the first years at secondary school. Repeatedly.

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