To be worried about filthy childminders house?

[tennispros]

Signed up in the summer and all seemed fine. Today had a settling in session and was really shocked at the state of the house. Not just kids mess but tbh really dirty

I don’t really have a choice re childcare and she’s only there a couple of hours a day so part of me thinks leave it another part thinks I’m being really neglectful sending her there!

Don’t ignore it. I did and I regret it (nothing major, my kids just had a low level shit time for years whilst I ignored my gut instincts because it was only one day a week and I didn’t feel I had an alternative).
I just feel it’s so important now to listen to your gut and advocate for your own child, because who else is going to?

I suppose my bar for 'filth' may be set differently to yours @tennisprosbut really, the only thing you can do if you are unhappy is remove your child.

Filth isn't difficult to express for me because I've seen it, it is unmistakeable and it is a strong word.

If you were there when she'd recently fed a bunch of kids then I'd kind of expect there to be dishes around. Does she have a dishwasher? If not they would have to be left somewhere.

Presumably she's there alone and it's not safe or appropriate for her to spend her paid hours with the children on washing up. She needs eyes on them all and should be entertaining them. Not cleaning.

So if it's only that but you can see the house is cleaned regularly in general I wouldn't be too worried.

Here's the thing. You can give as many or as few details as you like but answer these questions (even just to yourself) and then decide whether it's dirt you can cope with or dirt you can't. Forget the 'no alternative' element for now because frankly, if it's THAT grim, you'll HAVE to find an alternative.

• Would you be happy for your DC to eat snacks from their fridge?
• Would you be ok if DC dropped a biscuit on the floor, picked it up and ate it?
• Would you be confident that DC would be encouraged to wash or be washed after eating and that the bathroom is hygenic?
• Do you feel confident that plates/cups/spoons would be clean?
• Would DC be ok being there if they had a low-level cold or feeling a bit under the weather?
• Would you be happy for DV to nap on the sofa with one of childminders rugs over them if they needed a nap??
• Would you accept a cup of tea if offered?

These are all pretty basic but the sorts of things you can consider if trying to make a decision.

Find something else op. From a safety angle I wouldn't want my child eating there. Toys can be a choking hazard and without everything being organised she can't possibly know if things are broken, button batteries could have come loose. All the crap is multiple trip hazards. And she should be teaching your child life skills, tidying up and looking after our possessions is a part of that.

I don’t see how dishes in and around the sink and junk on the floor equals a filthy house,messy yes,chaotic yes but not filthy or dirty unless they’re always there.OP I hope you asked to see the rest of the house when you were checking out this person as a childminder? It looks like you haven’t even looked at their Ofsted report/ratings 🥲

Here’s an example of how to describe a dirty house
Muddy Floors
Mould on the ceiling
Food on the floor/sofa
Heavily stained carpet
Dirty skirting boards
Hairs everywhere etc

So far we have dishes in the kitchen and lots of toys on the floor which isn’t a lot to go on

This is so obviously a reverse and OP's had a visit from a parent she wasn't expecting lol

If it's really not (doubt) then you wouldn't leave your kid there if you cared enough about mess to go home and post about it then you'd find a different childminder for the 'only 2 hours'

On the off chance you are genuinely concerned about your kid being sent to a filthy house (as you should be) then you take a short week one days annual leave split across a few days and you go find yourself somewhere else to send your baby.

Dishes in a sink and a charity shop of (i assume clean) toys on the floor are not filth.

I think it’s difficult to establish what you mean as if it’s a once off that means it was untidy, and untidy is different to grimy. I hope don’t get defensive about me trying to clarify the difference but it’s quite important. If it was untidy I would see how it went, however if it was grimy I would rethink sending child. Also are your own standards very high (OCD) as if yes you will be unlikely to find a suitable solution.

I'd send a message, just to say you were a bit surprised at the chaos today and is she OK? Let her know you noticed and were concerned.

Respectfully, a OCD person wouldn't allow a kid to go back to anything less than their standards every day. It's not a pick and choose situation in that regard.

I don’t get how hard this is?

examples could be - toothpaste marks in the sink, dirt in the toilet, wee on the toilet seat, dog hairs on the rug, food squashed into the carpet, dust everywhere.

how hard is it to provide examples of uncleanliness

I would be worried if there are dangerous dirty things around eg pooey nappies not in bin, glassware etc or if the surfaces/floor etc are actually dirty (floors covered in thick mud, bins overflowing so bin contents are on the floor, raw chicken around on the sides etc - so hygiene rather than mess). If it is any of those things I would not leave my child there - or at least speak to the CM about it if it seems like something that could be resolved (has the house always been like this?). If it is clutter - magazines in piles, dishes just from that day neatly on the side or in the sink, lots of 'stuff' around then I would probably be fine, though in my experience when my house gets messy it is usually because I am having to ignore the kids for half an hour to work or cook or whatever so I would be cautious that the CM might not be engaging the kids enough if it was child-induced mess.

I can't and won't eat in a place that is visibly dirty /disgusting as you describe it; so there's no way I'd leave my child there.

Surely dishes and plates laying around just means she’s been busy looking after your child? Would you rather she spent her time in the kitchen and didn’t supervise the children?

You can’t send your child to a childminders home you describe as filthy, disgusting and gross- even if it is just for a couple of hours.
Are there any other parents that use her, who you could ask if it’s normal for her home to be in a bad state.

Unless you can be clear - kitchen floor smeared with food and dirt, dining table un-wiped, cooker covered with burnt on food that looked like it hadn't been wiped and dirty pans that appeared to be from the night before, carpet unhoovered, kitchen bin overflowing, sink full of food debris not having been cleaned etc - then we have no idea what you mean by dirty? Toys emptied on a carpet (one of the kids may have done that moments before you arrived) and plates stacked by the sink yet to be washed up doesn’t really qualify as ‘dirty’.

all your examples are mess not dirt pn unless you can tell us different id say you are bu

definitely isn’t but if you report it that will satisfy your own mind; MN can confirm I’ve been on here a while and am not a CM.

Thanks all. I don’t think the setting is ideal at all to be honest but as it isn’t all day, it’s just wraparound at the beginning and end of the day and only on two days a week I am inclined to leave it. There genuinely aren’t alternatives. It’s probably partly me feeling guilty and I doubt DD will care especially. I just was a bit taken aback at the grotty state of the kitchen in particular

Yes but the childminder’s home has to be safe for the children she is paid to mind. It’s a professional setting, a business, not just a friend’s home.

My concern re toys tipped chaotically all over the floor would be the potential for a child to pick up small parts that might be a choking hazard. But as you describe this as "wraparound care" I am guessing your child is school aged and past the point where she would put random objects in her mouth.

I used to tutor a boy whose mum was a child minder. The house was very messy and not particularly clean, but worse than that was the really unpleasant smell.

There should never be anything on the stairs it's a hazard risk.

It only take a split second for a child to be seriously injured or harmed. Two hours or ten hours would make no difference to me. If the house is filthy, I would not be sending my child there for any length of time.

She’s three but yeah it’s unlikely she’d put something in her mouth and she won’t be eating there. So I’m sure it’ll be OK. I’ll be honest, it wouldn’t be my first choice but I don’t actually have a choice!