To find it surprising that parenting alone is easier?

[Conversationalcheddar]

Dh is away for the week at a conference so I am
alone with 2 dds, 15mo and 4yo. I had been dreading it but it’s so much easier than when he’s around. He’s great, he does so much with the kids. But it’s been much calmer, happier and more relaxed without him. 4yo dd isn’t having any of her usual tantrums. The house is clean and tidy. I feel completely in control of everything, which I don’t normally. I hadn’t expected this, I’d expected a sh*tshow. How is this? Anyone else find this? I imagine it’ll wear off soon? Or is it true that sometimes too many cooks…(etc etc)

Is the daughter tantrumming to do with needing to battle for attention? Whereas now she knows she has your attention, so can be calm?

The actual looking after the kids is the easy bit
Its doing that on top of everything else on top that’s the tricky part

You must be joking!
Wait until they are older and the emotional pile on means you are sitting on their bed for hours every week trying to help them navigate friendship issues and school.

I get this. I have set plans in my head about how the day will go with timings. Then in comes DH offering an extra bedtime story. Great. But I wanted lights out at 8 and now it's 9.30 and everyone is tired and I haven't had a break.

We alsonm differ on screen time. I say none at all during the week, he would quite happily spend 4 hours a night playing video games with DC. So it often feels like I am constantly negotiating with him and DC.

Do you think that’s every single child and every single family, or might that only apply to some?

I am not meaning that to sound dismissive in case that’s how it comes across, it sounds really hard, but broadly speaking I don’t think you can say this will happen. It may, but it may not.

How many teens do you have?

I don’t have any. It was a genuine question, not being critical in the slightest, it sounds like you’re doing an amazing job. But as much as things can happen in the teenage years it doesn’t mean they will.

Exactly the same here. DH away 48 hours every week. I really enjoy the different dynamic and it does feel easier.

I think largely it’s also down to expectations. You don’t have expectations for anyone else to; wash the school bottles, put the dishwasher on, run the bath etc… it’s all on you, and there’s not someone else around to disappoint you when they don’t think on their feet and do stuff

Many of my friends who have gotten divorced agree that it's easier to be a single parent. No compromises and nobody challenging your decisions - whatever you say goes. No man to clean up after - you would think it's harder, but women's housework time actually drops after divorce. And even if the husband was of the 'oh but I will help if you make me a list' kind - they were still responsible for making another adult do their share - delegation, reminding, negotiation etc.