Do people generally become irritable and miserable as they age?

[3taffff]

Parents are late 69s and frankly it’s very wearing with them. They’ve always got some sort of criticism if we are out in a restaurant etc, always seem judgmental of younger generations. Is this normal? Has it happened with your parents?

I don't think its that people become change as such, but more that their tolerance for hiding it goes away.

E.g. if you were a happy friendly younger person, you aren't suddenly going to become a miserable old person.

I suspect that most grumpy older people were also grumpy younger people, they just had the energy and patience to hide that when they were younger. But when they get older they care far less about what people think, so the truth of how they always actually were comes out.

Not in my experience, no. But this is Mumsnet, so everyone will probably agree with you.

I do believe my level of tolerance has declined. I also swear quite a bit ( I never used to) generally at inanimate objects 😂

Im 66 and DH is 72 and I agree . DH has gone so miserable and critical of everything. When We were on a cruise last year there were somd issues yes - I would never go on that cruise line again - but he w ent on and on about it . Instead of making the best of it . So much so one night when he started i let out a huge sigh which started him off again ! It sucks the joy out of everything. I'm sure he wasnt always like this I think we were just too busy working and we had 6 sons to raise. Maybe some people are just better when they're busy !

It's not inevitable! You don't have to become a miserable old git 😃

Oh God yes. My son called me a toxic boomer the other day during a row as if everything I have has just landed on my lap out of thin air.
Ive worked bloody hard often 2 or 3 jobs at once for everything I have. Every single bloody thing built on hard work. Im about to collect my pension which I have saved and planned for since my 20s and he is pissed off because Ill retire comfortably. I was a single mum and have a nice house he will one day inherit without having to work for it.
The lazy sod works 3 days a week by choice he is 40. He is pissed off he doesnt have what I have but isnt prepared to put the work in like I did. I had nothing when he was born.
I worked for what I have and he was very comfortable. Im sick of this boomer crap. Othing I have has been come by easily. I did my degree when he was a baby. Working nights in nursing homes at every opportunity to pay for it with nobody to help me. I had a good career as a result.
I paid many ghousands for him to do his degree and he spent it all on drugs and the high life.
This is why Im bloody furious.

I was a very miserable cow in my forties. I am now in my sixties and am very happy and optimistic.

So no, I don’t think it necessarily follows.

@Lifeomars mind if I ask your age? I get tired now too only in 50s

@Gettingbysomehow how does he afford only three days a week?

I don’t think people get grumpy. I think we all have different life stages and age doesn’t really come into it with the things are going well or badly.

Are you my doppelgänger?

ODFOD off with yet another ageist thread

I’m very happy in my 60s
DM is 87 and having Alzheimer’s has made her very chilled as she really only lives in the moment, is very happy with simple things and very grateful to all of us who care for her
DF died at 94 still smiling despite a stroke
On the other hand I know a lot of grumpy people in their 50s and 60s who moan about everything and can never see the positives

Another fucking thread about how...........[fill in the negative stereotyping of your choice] older people are/ become.

More ageist shite.

Sooooooo much easier to generalise than have a thread title that says: I find my parents are more grumpy than they used to be. Lazy.

My mother is 85. She’s been cold, critical and judgemental all her life so there’s no difference there. My 92 year old father was much better but unfortunately my awful mother’s behaviour has rubbed off a bit on him although he’s no where near as bad. I think as their lives get smaller the negativity is less diluted (ie spread over a number of things or people) so gets focussed on one person or thing. They can’t cope with change so even when we try to go to a different restaurant it promotes a barrage of ‘it’s not as good as x,y,z’ and moaning so we end up being stuck with the same 3 restaurants we always go to (we tend to have to take them out once a week). I have to steel myself when going to see them as two hours of negativity is too much to bear. I genuinely feel like a huge weight lifting as I leave and have even been known to skip to my car (I’m in my 60’s 😂😂😂)

No they don't. HTH.

I wouldn’t say I am more miserable but I am definitely less tolerant of people’s crap. I think that’s a normal part of aging - understanding how to say no, not having to accept being treated unfairly/badly because you don’t want to offend etc etc.

To add - it probably starts in your 40s as you become more secure in your views, confident, perhaps established in your career. Often mistaken for perimenopause but I would say it’s the ongoing maturing of the mind and character in response to life experiences.

Yes, my dad used to be an extremely upbeat and optimistic person and still is about his own life, the things he does. But he’s become judgemental and intolerant (not in a racist way, just generally critical of other people in town etc) . It makes me sad to witness and I am determined not to be this person. He’s in his early 70s and I would say the change started over the age of 65.

Older people are as individual as younger people.

As someone said, they just stop bothering to hide it because they become more comfortable with who they are and less interested in what others think of them.

I'm in my 50s and my partner is in his 60s. Our friends/people we know are 30s - 70s. His mum is 90. My parents are not around.

Some of them are insufferable regardless of age. Some of them are lovely. Some are vibrant and full of life; some are miserable fuckers who barely leave the house. Some have nothing good to say about 'the younger generations; some work with them and love them. Some are all doom and gloom; others see life as a neverending adventure.

It doesn't seem to be impacted by educational attainment; socio-economic status; health; marital status etc eithe - some of the most miserable people I know are the wealthiest and some of the happiest are the poorest aside from how hard or easy life is. It's a mindset.

Some people look for joy and others look for misery. Seek and ye shall find.

Constant pain and exhaustion make people irritable. I get that but I have also notice a tendency to descend into a sort of second toddlerhood in old age. Very stubborn but impractical with zero understanding of other people.

Just had DFiL with us for two weeks. He has a very restricted diet, and I made a massive effort to make delicious food that fitted his diet every day. He asked every single time: "I can't eat that, can I?" His verdict on everything: "It's all right I suppose," while going on and on about this amazing friend who invited him to lunch and made everything specially so he could eat it. Er, like I have been doing for two bloody weeks. But friend is an angel.

you mean you are fed up, where’s the we in all this!

Personally op (although I’m only 54) I’d say I’m more cheery and less inclined to be a martyr with the resentment that brings as I’m more emotionally intelligent now. I think what does skew things is when people are in pain, that does make it hard to be positive and I suppose that maybe applies to older people more?

im not sure people change that much though, it’s always been a trait I’d say not a new thing.

resentment is a terrible thing and makes us miserable and malcontent. There’s a reason the adage about choosing guilt over resentment rings so true.