AIBU to tell DH his once-weekly tooth brushing is off-putting?

[SweetAudry]

A few months ago DH told me he felt his teeth were worsening in both health and appearance (I had noticed this too but was too polite to tell him!) and he suggested he should maybe brush them more often.

I asked now often he currently brushed them (meaning how many times a day) and he said “probably once a week or so” 😱 I found this shocking at told him so! He said from now on he’ll do them at least once a day.

He did this for about a week and now he’s back to never doing them. I know he’s not brushed them at all this week as I moved his toothbrush and it’s still exactly where I left it. I find it really off putting.

I don’t like to embarrass people by pointing out personal things like this but once a week (if that!) is shocking isn’t it? WIBU to tell him even though he will probably be offended?

Judgemental about what exactly? Basic oral hygiene?

I have a few ideas:

If you haven’t already get him an electric toothbrush. Mine has a timer.

Also he could brush his teeth to a song he likes - or, we used to have an app that attached to the kids electric toothbrushes that gamified tooth brushing.

He could also get booked in to see the hygienist for a proper teeth clean. That might help him reset whatever the barrier is about this.

You can get these wierd toothpaste balls called p’A’rla - which he can chew if toothbrushing is too much. It’s sort of the least someone could do.

He really needs to take this more seriously. It’s not he can’t brush his teeth. It appears he won’t. And plaque and tooth decay are linked to some serious illnesses including heart disease and stroke.

What is it with all these threads about personal hygiene just recently?

🤮
how do you kiss him ?!!!!

Why did he say once a day when its meant to be twice, did you correct him at the time? What do you mean you were too polite, you are MARRIED?
'Hey love, i noticed you've stopped brushing your teeth, everything okay?'

I was going to say: I take it you don’t kiss him, then?!

PARDON??? 😱 Doesn’t his breath stink? How can he kiss you with a furry mouth. I would not care one bit about embarrassing him. This is awful. If his hygiene otherwise ok then it doesn’t seem like depression.

That’s fucking disgusting 🤢

One of my exs was a bit like that. He started off clean, but became increasingly haphazard about shaving and cutting his nails. Then, despite showering every day, he stopped brushing his teeth more than once every day or two. He did suffer from depression for a while, but even after this improved, his hygiene still wasn't great.

He developed bad breath and a couple of people actually asked me if I could drop a few hints to him about it. I tried hints and then being more direct, but nothing really changed, even after I eventually persuaded him to see a dentist. Our sex life died because I no longer wanted to kiss him, so I never got in the mood for anything more. I'm relieved that I'm no longer with him.

I voted YABU for considering you may be in the wrong for calling the minger out.

There is apparently a link between poor oral health and heart disease.
He needs to change this habit for several reasons :

www.bbc.co.uk/news/10176410

You don’t like to embarrass people? He’s your husband fgs! You have to smell his stinky breath and look at his minging teeth every day!

OP buys him a special little toothbrush and he brushes his teeth to a song he likes? 🤣🤣🤣 You do know he’s a fully grown adult she’s his wife not mother?

Alternatively, she could put the toothpaste on the brush for him, and bring it towards his mouth, cooing "Here comes the choo choo train - open the tunnel".

Are you sure he is showering daily? Thats the first sign of depression so i'd tell him straight to sort it, and keep an eye out for other signs x

Wowsers. Haven't RTFT. But presumably you don't kiss him - real mouth kissing - do you , OP ?.@SweetAudry

That's fucking grim. Brushing your teeth a couple of times a day is about as basic as it gets.

@XigDoop
Thanks. That's really interesting. I had no idea.

Having looked at your link I googled heart disease and poor oral health and there is loads of information about it, and the link to strokes and other health conditions as well.

Once a week?! 😱

Can't be true! He showers every day but doesn't brush his teeth?! His teeth must be covered in gunk from years of neglect. Bleurgh!

How you can put up with this is a miracle. You have to tell him how you feel for your own sake.

So, I have been called out on this thread for showing some empathy and reaching out to op in her situation with some ideas - like I am strange.

Sure, some of my ideas were based directly on what I did with my kids …but op’s husband’s behaviour is disordered and he needs some help to get beyond the barriers. (What is going on for him, I don’t know).

Also, op doesn’t have to use my suggestions but it is nicer to be met with some offers of support rather than name calling or shaming.

Sometimes some different actions can make all the difference and if someone is stuck with something- you have to make the steps even smaller.

😂😂

Urgh, It’s made me feel queasy just imagining how furry his teeth and tongue and general mouth must be. The smell… how could this have gone on so long?? how has he got any teeth left?

Apart from the obvious (it's terribly off-putting), OP's husband is about to wreck his heart long-term.

Dentist here. If he showers daily, put a toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower.

I don't understand why you are afraid of embarrassing him either.

He should feel embarrassed. This is not normal.