Poops at school

[poWoh]

We have recently moved abroad and my son started in a local pre-school 2 weeks ago. It’s part of a large private school here and so his year is the youngest - he is 3y4m. He has been potty trained for a while but is quite shy and so has found adjusting to school in general a bit hard - we started on half days and now full days (10-3pm). They must be potty trained to start school.

He has unfortunately had 2 poo accidents in the 3 weeks since we moved here. The first time he was too nervous to tell but the second he told his teacher who swiftly changed him. We were called in to discuss how perhaps he should come less to school (he is the youngest in the class) and perhaps just do a few half days, given he has had these accidents. And perhaps if he isn’t toilet trained to have a half term off and then see. I don’t want to take him out!

This has rather taken me aback - I’d like to work on making sure he doesn’t have an accident rather than “punish” him by taking him home.

Any suggestions on what I do? The regression has also happened at home so we are really reinforcing, but I’m quite sad that he may have to leave.

I’d take him out completely. Re-visit the idea of returning in 6 or 12 months time.

Has he actually done a poo 'successfully' at preschool? It might be that these are the only times he has needed to go whilst there. If this is the case, he definitely needs a bit more time to adjust to all of the changes.

Will he not be at a disadvantage eg socialising?

Also he is reception age this time next yr so he does need some pre school?

Nope he has not. And he’s started doing it in his pants at home.

You clearly don’t want to pull him out despite the unanimous advice here to do that. Is he your only child? I don’t think you are truly getting just how much all these changes are for him at this age. He’s been through a lot. Pull him from pre-school and start again with the potty training at home. At the minute he likely feels overwhelmed and out of control - pooping in his pants might weirdly feel like something he is in control of and he feels safer doing that than using the toilet.

Have you checked to see if the toilets at pre-school are the same as what he’s used to using? Is there something in there he finds scary? Has actually been shown where they are?

It’s very unlikely - you presumably already socialise him through play dates, activities, toddler groups and so on. When he begins formal school, he’ll also have new classmates who won’t have attended daycare or preschool, he’s not going to be the sole child who wasn’t in preschool. Preschool also aren’t suggesting that he doesn’t start until formal school - just that he’d benefit from starting a little later, or attending for half days.

Whilst the preschool are being very clear that frequent toileting accidents are an issue and this could be perceived as purely they don’t want the hassle, they’re very likely also talking from previous experience with very young pupils who are struggling with toileting benefiting from reducing hours or taking a few months of time out whilst they develop and mature a bit more and become more attuned and confident in recognising when they need to poo; and returning at a much better level.

No not unless you literally sit in the house for the next 6 months.
Look for some playgroups or activities for his age group so he can socialise with children his own age.

My eldest DD didn’t have any formal preschool because where we lived at the time didn’t have them, she did 4x 2.5h playgroup sessions instead and she was absolutely fine transitioning to reception

My 3 year old was still having the odd poo and pee accident in nursery school. Sometimes he might have 2 in a short time like this . Or sometimes he would go for a few months and not have one. He started proper school at 4. He had stopped having accident by then . The nursery staff sound a bit useless sorry but they do.

Pooing himself at preschool isn’t nice for him though. Surely you can see that?