Poops at school

[poWoh]

We have recently moved abroad and my son started in a local pre-school 2 weeks ago. It’s part of a large private school here and so his year is the youngest - he is 3y4m. He has been potty trained for a while but is quite shy and so has found adjusting to school in general a bit hard - we started on half days and now full days (10-3pm). They must be potty trained to start school.

He has unfortunately had 2 poo accidents in the 3 weeks since we moved here. The first time he was too nervous to tell but the second he told his teacher who swiftly changed him. We were called in to discuss how perhaps he should come less to school (he is the youngest in the class) and perhaps just do a few half days, given he has had these accidents. And perhaps if he isn’t toilet trained to have a half term off and then see. I don’t want to take him out!

This has rather taken me aback - I’d like to work on making sure he doesn’t have an accident rather than “punish” him by taking him home.

Any suggestions on what I do? The regression has also happened at home so we are really reinforcing, but I’m quite sad that he may have to leave.

I couldn't be doing with a nursery/pre school that takes 3 year olds but can't cope with the occasional accident. I would move him.

They said twice in two weeks is too much. Also in our town, the class is aged 3-5 and so he is the youngest and most kids are 4/5!

He's a lot younger than the others, has had a big move, is struggling at school and at home - I'd pull him out. There's no rush. Get the potty training sorted, let him settle and mature a bit, try him again later on.

I doubt that DS will consider it a punishment to stay at home for another few months. The poor child has had a massive potentially anxiety inducing change in his home life. Why would you want to introduce another massive change and send him to a Nursery where the staff either speak a foreign language or in a completely unfamiliar accent,?

If he’s that much younger I would just take him out and try again in a few months.
You don’t have to tell him it’s because of the accidents

I think it sounds sensible at this stage, for his own benefit. Rather than it being “punishment”, having poo accidents at school is going to be distressing for him and affecting his confidence and wellbeing and his experience of starting school. Some extra time and space where there’s less pressure of a full day in school and you can work a bit more with him at home helping him to recognise his toilet cues, building his confidence, and supporting him to be able to speak up when he needs the toilet, will help him more than him going in every day anxious and upset about having an accident.

Thank you all. The issue is that without the poo issues - he’s really really developed since joining. He went from screaming to enjoying every day and actually talking to others - which socially is huge. So I almost don’t w/‘t to take that away??

Tbh he isn’t very anxious - he just has an accident and gets on with his day!

We are American and it’s American school btw.

I would too. Being he is the youngest the other children may start teasing him for hos accidents. Which will be so upsetting for him and cause more accidents.

It does sound like he's not ready tbh. Nobody wants to be known as the child who shit themselves. Either reduce to half days or remove him and try again next year or find a more suitable setting.

If all the other children are older and fully toilet trained they're not going to have the staffing or facilities to be dealing with regular accidents. It will be distressing for you son too.

Wow that’s made me feel worse.

He's 3, half days are plenty.

Sadly I would take him out. I get why you don't want to if he is happy there. I think though. I think the fact that most of the kids are 4-5 and they can't deal with poop accidents is a big clue that they aren't really set up for 3 year olds!

But the other 40 kids in his yr all do full days, it’ll be just him. So friendships wil ne hard,

Friendship will be harder if he keeps having accidents

honestly I'd pull him out till next year. Hes still a baby. I think I fundamentally disagree with 3 year old being in formal learning and getting a hard time for having an accident which is perfectly normal at their age .

Just don't make it a punishment. He's had some massive changes going on. Nail it at home, build his confidence and put him back in in a few months or when he's 4. If that's their rules then that's that. Don't keep sending him somewhere where the staff will resent him.

Hi OP, something similar happened to me with my youngest DS. He was potty trained and fine, then we moved house and he started reception and he regressed and started having accidents daily. I think all the change was too much for him. We got there in the end but it took us a while to get back on track. We didn’t have the option really to take him out of school, but in your case when the option is there, I would either take him out or move him.

Move him. This is not school, this is pre-school, aka nursery. Accidents will happen with 3/4 year olds, and they should not pressure him to be 100% trained if not ready.

This is why I HATE pre-schools with their uniform and insistence on toilet training. Choose a nice private nursery and let them be toddlers!

Perhaps you should consider state rather than private. As a primary TA I can definitely vouch for cleaning up more poo than I ever anticipated working in year 1....so I can't even imagine what reception or nursery must be like!
Accidents happen and I wouldn't like the nursery suggesting he should be kept off because of this.

Does he need to be there so you can work or is it just for fun?

He's the youngest, he's shy, he's just dealt with a big move and he's having accidents, I'd give him a break and do half days for a while or even just pause and try again after Christmas or once he's nearer 4.

"Friendships" are a very loose thing with 3 and 4 year olds, I doubt it will make a difference.

Friendships will be so much harder bring the boy who poops his pants. I dint think you realize how cruel children can be with things like this. This didn't happen when I was in school but my daughter classmate who was 4 had an accident. One single time. They are 16 now and he is still referred to as poop boy.

Thankfully this doesn't happen too much these days. We have had cases where I work where there have been accidents where children have been sitting and it is obvious to others. Even young children can be understanding and have empathy (sometimes it is others who notice first and will tell the adult Sam has had an accident come and see, or even if they smell it first they might come and say I think Sam needs the toilet).