AIBU to feel middle-class luxuries have become increasingly out of reach?

[cocobow]

I had to go to the local shopping centre the other day to pick up a click and collect for my husband, new work shirts so nothing fancy! I thought why not make an afternoon of it as I rarely go shopping and I could maybe get a coffee and cake and even treat myself to a little something as my birthday is coming up.

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65 and I know that isn't even considered expensive today but for me it is! I went for a look in the sephora as I love skincare but again it was all really expensive. The queue for the till was full of school girls buying things I wouldn't be able to buy for myself!

To be fair they were probably there spending birthday money and probably aren't spending money like that all the time. I suppose it just feels like the goal posts on these admittedly luxury items have been moved since I was in my teens and early 20's when I imagined that by my 40's I'd be able to at least buy some of these things or buy nice clothes now and then. My husband and I both degree and post graduate educated and work in professional jobs but we have to prioritise bills, the kids and food over luxuries. To be fair we have no debt at all and we will save for an buy large purchases cash mostly but I admit to feeling a bit personally deprived at times! When my mum was my age she worked in a call centre part time in the evenings and would go round the shops most weekend and buy herself a new top or other item of clothes and exclusively used clarins skincare, I use the ordinary, cerave or boots and superdrug own brand mostly and my clothes come from charity shops. My parents were working class made good but their disposable income seemed to go a lot further than mine does. We don't even have a large mortgage.

DH and I recently looked at taking a short trip to London as a joint birthday present to each other but the cost was so expensive we seem to have quietly shelved the idea.

In the end I had a look in waterstones but even that was expensive, since when are paperbacks routinely £14.99! I never even had a coffee or bit of cake as the selection of cakes looked dry and unappetizing but would still have cost £10 in total.

Am I being unreasonable to think the cost of a middle class lifestyle with a few luxuries has had the goalposts moved by quite some amount?

You are an adult now, your priorities have changed and that is normal. The girls buying expensive make up at sephora probably were not thinking “hmm no, I won’t buy it, I’ll put the money aside for my children’s university instead”

This is so so true having recently travelled to the US and India, life is getting better for other people. What we would see as relatively low income jobs here get paid what nurses get paid here!! People earn a lot more in the US for the same jobs and their money goes much further.

You seem to have misunderstood, I personally don’t consider rewearing clothes equals frugality. I think she has a fairly lavish lifestyle, not sheikh level granted. Who said anything about poverty?!

Just agree to disagree, gawd! 😆

Yes people have forgot how pensions have changed. They used to be far better

I think expectations are much higher. Where I teach, kids have piles and piles of imported shein/temu crap. They have mobile phones and tablets from a young age. Many of them also seem to have lots of expensive treats/experiences like concerts, musicals, trampoline parks, they all love eating out and going for coffees. Their clubs and hobbies are endless. We are not considered a particularly affluent area and I would suspect the average family income is fairly modest.

I had quite a privileged 90s childhood with nice clothes and toys and holidays, but clubs were brownies and community centre sports. We didn’t have many expensive days out or expensive technology. We have become used to more extras.

I don’t have children, so dh and I are relatively comfortable, but many of my similarly aged friends have had years of mat leave and nursery fees….and are now paying for wraparound child care. I can see how it quickly becomes unaffordable.

So you do understand, gawping in Selfridges would have been an activity, something to do on the weekend as you say.

At least we got there in the end!

Totally agree - there was a similar thread a while back. Pre Covid we’d get weekly takeaways, go shopping for clothes etc on Saturdays then out for meals or drinks, cinema, gigs, weekends away / holidays.
Tbf we’ve also had a child & bigger house / mortgage since then - having kids I think is the main reason people have less and less money for ‘small luxuries’ or the lifestyle they used to live. Costs for all things child related are astronomical- from care to clothes to holidays.
The cost of living crisis had a massive effect.
I took my daughter to Costa recently which used to be a regular, at least weekly, thing for me, but it cost £15 for a (weak at that) latte, small hot chocolate, small pack of wafers and a tiffin. I’m sticking with Greggs / Maccy Ds!

if you're near lidl, they do fab cold coffees for 55p in the sandwich fridge and a pain au chocolate is about 79p!!!

Tradition class definitions are irrelevant, as they don't equate to a familys disposal income.

Kate Middleton's father was a multi millionaire.

The average family saves £2k a month, so not sure why £80 tops are an issue.

You’re right , Seasalt for example is pricey .
I get things when they have discounts or on sale and save up the Seasalt rewards to get money off my purchases .
Same with other very ordinary clothes shops like White Stuff and Fatface around £100 for some dresses I really liked so of course I didn’t get them .
We tend to go out for a coffee instead of lunch and we have a late lunch at home

MdDonalds coffee isn’t that bad. A flat white is reasonable. It’s not quite as cheap as it used to be, but certainly not posh coffee places prices.

You were going to buy something for your husband to give to you? Is that not pointless?

‘The average family’ - average in what way &
from what demographic? Personally I know very few families in that sort of financial position.

I’ve just come back from a week in France. One thing that really struck me was the cars I saw. Mostly older smaller cars. Hardly any Korean branded cars, a very few German cars and some Minis around. But I didn’t see lots of brand new “flashy” cars. It was really noticeable. I think in the UK we prioritise our spending in strange ways.

I agree with you OP things are incredibly expensive.
Separating out the needs and wants isn't always straightforward anymore. Just affording the needs is a challenge for me (and I'm working full time).
X

Dh had to get something changed for his car insurance and to speak to a man and get them to alter the paperwork online cost 64 pounds. I was outraged , but it had to be done and that’s what they charge.
So many rips off. It all adds up.

Been reading this thread with interest as someone who actually lives in the US as a Brit. And while, yes, wages are 2-3 times higher here in general - most commenters seem to have no idea how expensive life actually is in the US.

And so many parts of life here cost WAY more than 2-3 times what they do in the UK. So here you go, for those wondering -

*Groceries - we shop in the cheapest supermarket around and don't drink alcohol and spend around $200 a week for 2 adults and a toddler.

*Kids activities - 45 minutes gym or music class, or playspace access - $35 (plus tax!)

*Full time daycare for my toddler - $3700 a month, and don't forget annual gifts and tips for the teachers expected to top around $500-1000 each year.

*Renting a 2-bed apartment in a non-central part of my city - $5,200 per month (and again, need to tip buildings staff out 1,000-1,500 at christmas, and it isn't optional).

*Toddler haircut - $65 cheapest including tax and tip.

*My recent miscarriage - cost us $3,247 out of pocket (and we have the "good" health insurance). Our deductible is around $6000 per year.

*Flights to other parts of the USA - minimum will be $250-300 per ticket - cheap flights don't exist here really.

*Eating out - at least $50 per head at a lower tier restaurant and all prices have a extra 30% on what you see once you factor in tax and tip (min 20%).

Other stuff we pay more for - monthly preventative medication for my dog ($45 compared to 13GBP in the UK), internet is around $100 per month.

OH and let's not pretend labour laws are remotely a thing here. My partner could get fired at any minute and we lose our health insurance. So (just to be sure!) he works from 8-6pm each day minimum, but frequently stays up until 1am working, starts at 6am, works weekends or whatever.

Anyway my point is basically that the standard of living here really isn't much better, and the level of poverty and related crime and so on is significantly worse than the UK.

An other point - since when did the meaning of middle class change to mean literally spending power? When I was growing up it was related to cultural capital, education refinement and so on.

I buy from Seasalt and don't think their prices unreasonable, in fact some of them have come down recently. I mostly shop on Vinted these days but bought a sweater in Seasalt the other day. They had a promotion, so I got 15% off and was told there was £9 on my loyalty card. So I bought a pure cotton jumper for just over £30. Great value. The labels that have gone way out of my price bracket are TOAST, OSKA, Poetry and Wrap. Even in the sale, their prices are high so those are the labels I look for on Vinted and I'm frequently successful.

Yes. I agree, I've always been shocked by the flash cars people are driving. Conspicuous consumption. It's often those who can truly afford it the least who are driving 'premium' cars on finance. I've known a few people who have had them repossessed. The wealthy people I know, think large land owners, tend to drive older cars. Or if they've got a new one, you know they'll be driving them for at least twelve years.

Totally agree with this statement. I am 56 and I can still remember going to London when I was about 11 or 12 and my sister and I having to share a can of coke between us (we never had coke) as a "treat".

It really hit me when I had a slice of pizza and a coffee in the cafe at the local Asda, and then bought a book of 8 second-class stamps; the total was £15! i used to go out once a month with a group of friends to have a meal and see a film at our local independent cinema. We would meet in the cafe bar, have dinner, nothing special just a burger or a salad and a drink, get a coffee to take into the film and then have a drink afterwards. i'd get an Uber home. Can't recall what it cost about 5 years ago but it's around £60 now so has become unaffordable. I used to be a member of the cinema, it cost me £27 p.a , it now costs almost double. I just wait for fllms to come on a streaming service.

If you and your husband are in top 10% of earners, yet can't afford £80 dress, you're probably just bad with money

Thank you for a first of reality regarding America.

And yes, I always understood that someone was middle class if they or especially their parents and grandparents went to university. It's got nothing to do with spending power. If someone is born into an aristocratic family and falls on hard times, loses the family fortune, and works in Tesco it doesn't and will not ever make them working class. People can become middle class through education, however, many people will choose to still claim to be the class of their upbringing.

It's shit, bluntly.

Prices are shocking; inflation has outpaced income tremendously and it just feels really shit.

I grew up in 60s/70s in a middle class household, both parents had degrees which was not the norm then but we didn't have the things people take for granted these days. My mum seldom wore make up, she kept her clothes for years and made some of her own, we always had a holiday but never abroad and we rented a TV (as did everyone in those days).

When I got married in the late 1980s we pretty well lived to the same standards and when the kids came along in the 1990s it was pretty much the same. We always had a holiday but we drove some pretty awful cars and we didn't just buy new clothes or takeaway coffee, days out were nice countryside walks with picnics and choc ices from the home freezer.

I do look at some of the prices of clothes and question why they cost so much? Being a keen seamstress myself I spent no more than £150 on material this year (I needed to change my wardrobe because of very fragile skin) and I managed to make 8 pairs of trousers, 9 blouses and I have enough material left for another 6 of each. So 14 pairs of trousers and 15 blouses for £150 means I would never ever spend £80 on a dress.

Does this make me less than middle class? I was a Chartered professional and DH has a PhD.

I don't think "class" and "money" are the same thing at all. You can be very rich and very common all at the same time. And no, they don't look home made, I am very good but they are bespoke.

Money is tight all round, let's no anyone, apart from the very comfortable, pretend otherwise.