AIBU to be upset that husband wants to go out on my birthday without me

[ThisDreamyTealBear]

So as the title says I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable by being upset, it’s my birthday on Saturday and we had planned to go for lunch with my brother in law and his partner and our little boy(5) then back to ours for drinks and a chilled evening, hubby comes homes tonight and says ‘oh I’ve been invited out for drinks with the lads from work on Saturday night I said I’d check with you’, he isn’t sociable at all and very rarely goes out(not through lack of me trying to get him to socialise!!) and normally I wouldn’t care he can do what he likes but it actually really hurt that his immediate thought wasnt he wanted to spend time with me and that we had plans, his thoughts were getting the ok to go out, I tried to talk to him about why it upset me and he basically told me to shut up going on about it so now he’s gone off to bed and I’m left thinking I’ll just go and do something with my little boy instead, I know I’m sensitive at the best of times but am I being unreasonable?

Where do people find all these princes that tell them to shut up or fuck off? Unbelievable.

yanbu to be upset and he shouldn’t even have even ‘asked’ - his auto response to his work mates should have been ‘can’t this time, it’s my wife’s bday’. No one would have bat an eye.

It annoys me actually when people do this because I feel it should be a no brainer of a no, but they force you into the position of saying no by asking, which feels shitty.

I was wondering this.

If the plan is the 4 of you will spend the rest of the afternoon and evening together, that is different from the arrangement being a nice lunch together then parting ways.

I would normally agree with you but if he rarely goes out and this is out of character I would be wondering the same tbh.

I’d be upset definitely about the way he’s gone about it and extremely disappointed if we had plans but I’m wondering if maybe his lack of socialising isn’t by choice , does he have many friends ? From what you’ve said he dosent go out much, maybe he was really excited to ‘go out with the lads’ and feels he will miss the chance hence the angry reaction. I’d try and talk to him again but yeah I’d expect miles better communication from my Husband

Definitely doesn’t fancy someone I have no doubts at all about fidelity etc we’ve been together 16 years and generally he isn’t like this he’s just being an absolute idiot this time

The plan was basically we all spend the whole day and evening together, his brother stays over with his partner sometimes for a weekend away(BIL partner has 6 kids so appreciates a break sometimes) so plans were lunch then everyone back to ours to watch a film have a drink and generally relax and they spend the night

He wanted to do the lunch together then ditch me in the evening for his work mates

He went to bed(admittedly he has to be up at 4 for work) so I suppose we will see tomorrow

they work together his brother would be going together leaving me with the brothers partner who we barely know each other and our son

That is really horrible of him. I would be so pissed off and upset. What a selfish tosser!

I can understand people thinking that however with his work pattern we spend very little time and have had plans for a few weeks that we would be spending the full day and evening together with his brother and partner for my birthday - any other time I genuinely wouldn’t be bothered it’s the fact we had plans already

Forgot to add I also work every Sunday so the whole weekend is never a thing for us

Right, that makes quite the difference.

It would have been a simple - "Well, of course you can't. Have you forgotten your brother and his partner are here for the weekend? You'll just have to let them (colleagues) know you've already got plans, and that you'll go next time"

He doesn’t have many friends we are genuine opposites I’m outgoing he isn’t maybe the whole opposites attract thing is true, I do encourage him to try and socialise with the guys at work it’s important for him to get time to himself too I think it’s just bad timing this weekend that’s all

So the one day he chooses to socialise is OP's birthday? No prior discussion, nothing.So you are saying he has to go because his job might be dependent on it? That's bullshit.There were already plans in place, even if it was having a cosy night in. Why should birthday celebrations end during the day? I would be furious if my partner was so inconsiderate and rude about the whole thing.

Not good at all. Neither is you referring to him as 'huuby: Revenge maybe.

I’m sorry OP. I hope you have a lovely birthday whatever you get up to 💕🎂🎁

Is there a specific reason its this Saturday that the blokes from work are going out or is it just random if it was something specific and like you say he never goes out i would move my birthday plans to weekend after but im not into birthdays so thats why I feel like that

Could he be planning a surprise for your birthday OP? That was the first thought that came to my mind?

I completely agree with this. It’s not just that he and his brother are dumping their plans and their partners for the evening when they already had plans. But being told to shut up about it when trying to explain what the problem was would be the thing that really finished me off.

How often does he talk to you like that?

Oh give over you nasty piece of work!

He said he would check it with you ? So it’s a no it’s my birthday remember and we have plans .., where’s the drama

am I understanding this correctly - not only does he want to go out with workmates on your birthday when you already had a plan for that evening BUT also since his brother is one of his workmates they'll both head out leaving you with BiL partner and your son.

In short the 2 guys will be out together and the 2 women will be left at home

No f'n way!!

I think if the plan was lunch out and then an evening at home, he had the opportunity to socialise, which you say you encourage him to do more off, and he did say he'd check with you, that's fine.

I'd be quite happy (pleased) to have some time to myself in the evening if I'd had him all day, but if you're not, he did ask, so say so. There's no need to be upset that he even asked.