to expect 51 year old DH not to look at 20 year olds?

[GrossedoutGertrude]

Good relationship on the whole however DH does have a large ego that comes with him training pretty excessively in my opinion and often complimented on his physique

No kids together however he has a DD of 14 and my DS is 21.

I am 41 and he is 52 and looks his age face wise I would say but body much younger.

A girl in a coffee shop today walked past our table as I was paying and his eyes followed her all the way out of the door - he turned to watch her leave as he didn’t realise I could see him from where I was

She was wearing a very tight short black dress so I can see how you would look initially however the following her with his eyes grossed me out especially as she was about 20.

I’ve never seen him do this so obviously and we’ve been together 8 years.

Calm down everyone. Men and women are programmed to look at attractive people, it's just how it works. Yes you keep it the right side of pervy, and rein yourself in if it's someone like your child's teacher, or the vicar, or your friend's adult child, but an appreciative look at a random 20 year old adult walking by is fair game in my book.

Oh, so exactly what everyone else has already said then, don't be a creepy old cunt, and just glance like a normal person does.

Righto.

You can feel how you want about this and MN will probably validate you. However what are you going to do about it?

If you expect him to not be attracted to women in their 20s? you are unreasonable...

expecting him not to stare so obviously, yes very reasonable.

It is a simple biological reality that men of any age find women in their early 20s to be attractive, there is nothing they or you or I can do about that. But obviously we can expect people not to act on it, knowing that it isn't appropriate, and to keep their eyes/hands/thoughts to themselves.

Unfortunately it isn't entitlement, but just biological reality. You can look up the research on age and attraction, and it is pretty hardwired into us all.

On average, women prefer slightly older men, a few years older than they are - until they are in their 40s-50s, when it flips and they prefer men who are slightly younger, but only by a very small amount.

Men, on average, no matter how old they are, prefer women in their early 20s. This never changes, and there is nothing that can be done about it, whether they are 20, 60 or 90, if you are talking about looks, their preferences are the same.

Regardless of what they 'prefer', they don't have to openly ogle women of any age. It's gross and objectifying.

Ewwwww

This is absolutely invented bollocks from start to finish 😆 Utter and total shite 😆

And even in the parallel universe where this is true, men and women DO NOT EVER have to ogle and leer like a creepy old cunt. You definitely manage not to perve on women when it will earn you a punch in the mouth. Like all men.

Studies have proven women very much DO notice attractive men, hip to shoulder ratio and bums specifically but because they're not the perverted, aggressive sex they just glance away. Like most men do because they prefer not to be punched, or sacked.

Perving and leering is always. Without exception. A choice.

No of course it wouldn't.
But if he is married it adds an extra particular level of disrespect for his wife.

It’s gross. My DD is a teenager but can look much older. I’ve ‘caught’ much older men ogling her and it makes me feel sick. My DH is in his 50s and has said the same.

A man of your husband's age should have learnt some discretion even if there is some biological imperative to stare at females of breeding age. All that was missing from his performance seems to be him licking his lips. I think your husband possibly has an exaggerated view of his attractiveness to younger women despite the fact that he's got a face like a worn boot. His behaviour was very disrespectful to you - who is signficantly younger than him in any case.

I was seen as very attractive as a young woman - you know the sort where men literally dropped books to run after me at university. ( I was totally insecure about my looks and very shy.) I got plenty of men like this and I always just felt sorry for their wives or girlfriends who looked miserable. I missed a lot of it because I was too vain to wear my glass over much. I do recall my mother pointing out that the partner of the woman I used to hack out with whose partner once accompanied us took a quite unwholesome interest in my bottom. I did point out that it would have helped if she'd told me before the ride where I spent a fair proportion of time bent forward on the horse opening gates.) At least he was a contemporary but the number of old codgers who thought they had a chance with me was quite disturbing - I mean they were old enough to be my father and far less attractive than my father it must be said. At least he was genuinely youthful looking and had a great head of hair which is more than you could say for most of the ageing codging.

I would absolutely call my husband out on this kind of behaviour. Thankfully, my husband has never let me see him behave like this. I would be having sharp words if he had. I hesitate to suggest that you point out particuarly attractive young men to your husband as you praise their butts or whatever but I'd be tempted. (This doesn't mean you actually leer at them of course.) I have sons too and to the best of my knowledge they don't behave like this either.

He got caught but whether we like it or not (hate it personally) a large portion of male population do this imho. He’ll have been doing this all the time, and only difference here is OP clocked him.

100% this. I’m mid 50s and would see a good looking 20 something boy at the gym and I might think to myself how nice he looks in the same way I think my sons look good but the thought of having any sexual interaction with him.. just no. Yuk.

And yet men my age would quite happily have a relationship with a very young woman if they could attract one. Is it biological do we think or just conditioning?

More in a group but yes i have seen plenty of women do this to men with added commentary

Grand daughter. 😫