to expect 51 year old DH not to look at 20 year olds?

[GrossedoutGertrude]

Good relationship on the whole however DH does have a large ego that comes with him training pretty excessively in my opinion and often complimented on his physique

No kids together however he has a DD of 14 and my DS is 21.

I am 41 and he is 52 and looks his age face wise I would say but body much younger.

A girl in a coffee shop today walked past our table as I was paying and his eyes followed her all the way out of the door - he turned to watch her leave as he didn’t realise I could see him from where I was

She was wearing a very tight short black dress so I can see how you would look initially however the following her with his eyes grossed me out especially as she was about 20.

I’ve never seen him do this so obviously and we’ve been together 8 years.

I would hate that, and I'm sure the young girl doesn't like being letched after from an old man.

made sure he got a good look for his ‘storage’ 🤢

Of course he can look, and his own looks are immaterial. However his gauche swivelling is ridiculous, as it would be in anyone looking at anyone else of whatever age, sex, or degree of beauty.

So looking is fine without the turn around?

I think I would still find it gross considering the age gap

He actually said he didn’t realise her age as didn’t look at her face - no shit idiot

He sounds gross 🤢
im not sure if there’s any going back from this!

Totally disrespectful to you OP.

He took wedding vows with you so perving over other women is totally not ok.

I couldn't be in a relationship with a man who behaved in such a repugnant way. Unfortunately men like this don't change. That's who they are.

Looking at attractive people is natural. Staring, swivelling to get a better, longer look is creepy, not to mention disrespectful to both her and you.
The comment he made about her age is awful, sounds like he thinks it'd be OK if she was older...it wouldn't.

So disrespectful, and completely out of order

This is absolutely a deal breaker for me. I have teenage daughters. Just no.

God knows what was going through his mind whist he was gawping...
I doubt this was a one off.

Yuk. I often see men like this ogling my 20 year old daughter. Funnily enough I never see similar age women doing the same to my 19 year old son. Male entitlement.

Creep.
That would ick me out instinctively because i have a 20 year old.
Men like your husband are creeps.

Looking is fine IME.
The swiveling and being blatant about it icky.

I'm happily married but I can still appreciate an attractive man, vice versa for my husband. And yes she's young, but she is still an adult woman.

I wouldn't want to date an 20yo, but doesn't mean I wouldn't find them attractive based on looks only.

Ugh but this is tricky. I’m definitely not a letch but I can look at people especially if they have great figures. I’m hetrosexual but I can catch myself looking at women as well as men. I don’t get turned on by either though even when I see someone with a good figure. An occasional look is, maybe, ok but only if the person looking if not a letchy person.

As A man you would think he would be more careful. I think there is a difference between men and women with this. My friends daughters boyfriend is very good looking and my friend and I both commented on it, obviously not in front of him. Neither of us were being creepy. The lad is younger than my sons and it wouldn’t cross my mind to think anything more than what a good looking lad he is.
If it were two Dads discussing a son’s girlfriend being pretty then I think that seems a lot worse. It does to me anyway.

People can look at other people as long as they don't cheat, but doing it blatantly in front of your partner is the disrespectful part in my opinion.

What a piece of shit. A swift punch to the balls might have interrupted his leering and slobbering.

There is one difference and only one between men and women when it comes to noticing attractive people - entitlement. Women notice and look discreetly, and most men notice and look discreetly.

When men choose to be obvious it is just that, a choice.

Your creepy bastard of a husband would DEFINITELY not have behaved like that if the woman had a large scary boyfriend staring at him. And he would DEFINITELY not have behaved like that if he might have lost a job over it.

He made a choice to be a slobbery, creepy old prick instead of just behaving like a normal person, noticing and glancing away - like both sexes do.

So of course you're not being unreasonable.

So “perving” over women would be fine if he wasn’t married?

So he's a pervy old man, who not only feels the urge to lech after women young enough to be his daughter (gross enough), but lacks the self-control to not do so openly?

YANBU to be disgusted in him, OP.

He should have been more discreet about it. I was at the beach this weekend and a very attractive Young man walked by. I did watch him all the way along behind my sunglasses. When I pulled them down to get a last look I made eye contact with a woman of a similar age to me who'd also clocked him, we shared a knowing nod. I wouldn't consider myself a 'perv'.

Can you choose who you're attracted to? I can't. I assume no-one else can.

Now being attracted to someone and openly staring aren't the same thing. The action you can control.

I think you're fine to be annoyed at the action, but being annoyed that he feels attraction to a younger woman feels silly.

Yeah it doesn’t sound like you were discreet at all…😂😂

Of course it’s fine to look OP. It’s impossible to not notice an attractive man or woman, or a woman wearing revealing clothing. It’s the ogling as she walked out that was creepy and also disrespectful to you seeing as you were there.

@BlueFlowerySkyI did try but seeing as my DH asked if I got a good look.. probably wasn't as discreet as I thought!👀😆

Did he have a birthday while you were writing out your post? He went from 51 in the title to 52 in the body.

I'm afraid to say, you definitely perved. If you were a man telling that story, I'd think it absolutely gross, and while somehow it doesn't spark quite the same visceral reaction for me when a woman does it (maybe because of the different power dynamic?) it is still gross.

There's just no need or point to eye-fucking another person. Noticing an attractive human as they walk through your line of vision isn't the same as having your head on a swivel and following them as they go.

Agree.