Is it bad to want to be left alone

[BwjrIg]

Context - just got back from a week away with the kids on my own. Was pretty full on, the kids loved it, am totally done. Husband was working but basically got a week to himself. He is now in a mood because I am not being more affectionate.

If I have to be honest - I just want to be left alone and a bit of time to myself. My oldest didn't go to bed till 10.30 on holiday i.e. my bedtime, youngest got up at 6.30 so I basically been emotionally and practically servicing someone else with no break for a week. Am done.

What I really want is to just have quiet time for myself. My husband instead wants to have sex and constant affection as he feels he's been missing out. I get that, I do but am I unreasonable to feel like all I actually want is not to be needed by anyone and left alone rather than jumping straight back in to basically servicing my husband. I know that sounds bad. I get that am a 40 something woman on HRT but honestly I just want a break.

Tell him you can't pour anything from an empty cup.

He's had a break by himself - you haven't and desperately need a couple of days at least to recharge ALONE.

If he doesn't get it - TOUGH.

I have mentioned it to him.

I don't think mentioning is the same as explaining. I agree you shouldn't have to explain, it should be obvious to him but as it isn't, it makes sense to clearly express your needs and qualify whether he understands what you are saying or not.

He needs to grow up. Tell him straight how you feel.

Of course you’re not being in any way unreasonable. I remember when mine were a bit younger, the constant touching and physicality of it all would mean I wouldn’t want my (now ex) anywhere near me by the end of the day. This kind of additional neediness from a grown man is why I’m still single! Just take yourself off somewhere to get some headspace, don’t ask for permission. You can’t fill anyone’s bucket when your own is empty!

Book a hotel room for tonight and tomorrow and don't come back till Tuesday morning.
Tell him you need time on your own because you need to recharge. If he gets pissy then he needs to grow up and service himself!

Ask him does he actually want you to enjoy sex or are you just a hole for him to come in?

Seriously! Demanding sex and then sulking when he doesnt get it is the most unattractive thing possible. Dont let him emotionally black mail you into bed.

I honestly think this is one area where men and women are so different. Men seem to recharge by having sex and being all over everyone. Women need time alone to re set and recharge. I’d feel exactly the same as you do.

Nothing worse than being bugged when you want to be left alone.
Im so pleased i live alone.

If you were a man you wouldn't even need to ask this.

Hope you get the time off you need. Totally not unreasonable.

At this moment your needs do not coincide and it is important for it not to become a standoff - "You won't meet my needs, so I won't meet yours."

Both sides feel they are being short-changed.

It is also partly a matter of interpretation - he is interpreting your wish for some peace for a while as being a rejection of him; and you are interpreting his continued desire for sex anyway as evidence of not caring.

I do honestly think that often men find it hard to approach sex in a mature and balanced way - they just feel randy and expect their partner to play ball and cannot see why they would not.

It is such a common situation.

‘He never needs an hour to himself’ because he’s just had an entire week, and I expect this wasn’t the first time. What a selfish abhorrent prick. I can’t believe anyone has said Yabu. No comments to suggests
you are so I guess bots. His behaviour is unacceptable. If you have any interest in saving this marriage, (I wouldn’t but I’m older and can afford to take less shit) then since he doesn’t get it with your words, you’ll have to show him with actions. He hasn’t left you any choice. Leave him to look after the kids on his own every single time he’s home from work. Then this selfish fool might start to understand.