AIBU to feel hurt by my partner's sibling's comment about our baby?

[Alawishus39]

I feel really hurt by a comment made by my partners sibling at a recent family gathering. I’ve recently had a baby, less than 6 months ago and partners sibling has just had theirs, they are both our first babies. We met to meet the baby. They said the baby’s full name and one of the names i hadn’t ever heard so I asked “what does that name mean” and the sibling replied “better than your baby” but saying my baby’s name so for example “better than Charlie”. Not the name, as in the name meaning means their child is better than our child, or that’s how I’ve taken it. I was a little stunned and there was an awkward silence. I was expecting my partner to say something to the sibling but they didn’t. I made a half laugh and the conversation moved on. I just feel quite upset now and like there will be an instant rivalry between the two babies who are cousins growing up. Maybe it’s hormones, so I need to know if I am being unreasonable or what I can do to stop this from becoming a thing or if I’ve taken the comment wrongly and they did mean the name is better than our babies name.

Yes, as questions around babies go, the meaning/reason for choosing their name is one of the most interesting in a rather limited pool of interesting information about somebody who has only been alive for a very, very short time. Way more interesting than their weight or time of birth.

If they don't know the meaning, well, what a shame there isn't anything call the internet for them to check in 20 seconds... but if they just picked the name because they liked the sound of it, there's nothing at all wrong in saying that.

People tend not to ask about the meaning of common names in Britain because they assume it will have been the sound of the name that they chose it for, or maybe naming after a family member; but an unexpected or unfamiliar choice, that isn't necessarily connected to the parents' heritage, is naturally going to be of more curious interest.

Are you serious? Why would an English person ask the meaning of an English name?

Don’t we all think our babies are the best? Such a sad state of affairs when we use what should be a joyful occasion within a family to score points off one another though……….and the person who thinks she is the very first person to ever have a baby!!!! Well, words fail me! Where did WE all come from?!
Move on OP, enjoy your own baby!

Because English names all have meanings too? For example Katherine means ‘pure’. But most people don’t know/care what a name ‘means’ because they just pick a name because they like it. So asking what a name ‘means’ is kind of othering it as you wouldn’t ask if the name was ‘Charlie’, even though Charlie has a meaning too.

In this case though it just seems like a tense relationship overall. Most people would just reply good naturedly or say ‘I’ve no idea what it means’

Really? I wouldn't expect anyone to know the meaning of English names either. Some parents do (usually the mum!), some don't. Some of my childrens' names have more than one meaning. I was and am more than happy to share this with other people if asked.

She was being unnecessarily snippy but she's probably overtired. I'd let it go and hope for the best but YANBU.

Ffs ….

In over 20 years of motherhood I have never even thought about the meaning of my children’s names.

To me, asking the meaning of a name is like asking someone their star sign. Irritating.

Just brush it off.

Most parents think their baby is the most wonderful thing that has ever graced the earth.

But there are times when we should not verbalise this 🙄

Clearly, this was a bad joke that landed very poorly.

Try not to give it too much thought. Hopefully the awkward silence spoke volumes, the person who said it is a little embarrassed and will think better of it next time.

This one comment isn't going to set them on a trajectory for the rest of their lives - that bit is definitely the hormones and overthinking!

Take a breath and try to move on.

That’s how I would see it too. No one has ever asked it of me and I have no idea what they ‘mean’. If someone asked me I’d be a bit baffled, I suppose. But no one ever has as they are normal ‘British’ names.

OP’s in-law clearly thought there was some sort of criticism in there to respond that way. None of us were there to witness the exchange so who knows.

My thoughts exactly.

If that were the case they should have said ‘I don’t actually know, we just like it’.

I never researched the meanings of my kids’ names - just chose ones I like

I think her comment was very mean.

I wouldn’t react but I would file her comment in your mind as an indicator of what else she could do or say.

Don’t feel like you to have to put up with her comments all the time and if you need to give her a wide berth, do it.

Did you even say it was a lovely name, or unusual or something first? Anything that created the social cue for why you asked the meaning? Or just blurt out 'what does that name mean'?

Because it could easily have landed as rude about their name choice and she responded in kind. If it was literally as you have written it, it does sound quite dismissive of their baby's name.

YANBU. You weren't BU to ask the question and you aren't BU to feel upset after such a stupid response. Others saying you shouldn't ask, why not? If they don't know the meaning they could have just said that.
I'm not sure what the poster who said it's exhausting being asked for the meaning of a child's name is talking about. It's a pretty standard question and how difficult is to answer a question about your child. If it's so exhausting maybe they should have stuck with English names.

I think they meant the baby's name is better than your baby's name, but it's still a very childish thing to say

I HATE explaining mine and my daughter’s name. Just for balance OP, I agree that they were probably a bit over sensitive and thought you were being funny with them so sniped back.

It is tedious constantly explaining your name, just google it man! We don’t ask the meaning of Sarah or Jenny for example even though there will be a meaning!

I would just see if you can let it lie and see how things are from now

I think that was an uncalled for response but I might put it down to a bad night and try to leave it. What I would not do though is compensate for her poor manners by ‘laughing it off’. She had no right to be rude to you - and it was rude. Depending on how much I wanted to make of it, my response might be ‘OKaaaay’ really slowly and deliberately with an eye roll. Or I might go for a more pointed ‘didnt realise this was a competition love’. Irrespective, i’d make it clear I thought it was uncalled for.

I don’t ask people the meaning of their English names (or any names tbh). I have looked up name meanings before when I’ve wondered but English names don’t sound very interesting enough to ask.

Was it not a wee joke that landed badly? Clumsy banter?

I think you’ve taken it wrong, they don’t mean their child is better than yours they mean their child’s name is better than your child’s name (that’s how I’d take it). SIL was rude to say that.

Back in the day most of us chose names from baby name books that gave the meaning of every name, so I guess we always knew it. Though I can only remember three of the six we chose…

FWIW the comment was uncalled for, and the awkward silence tells you this. You probably won’t forget it, but try not to let it upset you or spoil your relationship. The person who said it probably felt bad about it as soon as the words left their mouth.

My partner asked the origin of the name which he was answered with where it was from and I followed with what does it mean. We had said it was a nice name, genuinely prefer it to the babies first name and I didnt obviously say that.
It was and is my partners brother who made the comment “better than your baby”. He’d previously asked us why we chose our name when our baby arrived. Also in their family everyone has middle names after usually a parent or grandparent, so theirs was even more interesting that they’d gone completely off tradition. It was actually a joke long before the babies arrived that myself and the brothers wife had how we’d have to name our babies after this grandparent and how it would work and which generation we stopped with.

I just don't agree it's othering. I've been in conversations about the meaning of common names. It's more about an interest in language. One can be interested in English as well as other languages. Asking a name's meaning doesn't imply you think it's ' other ' Most words are from a mix of languages at some level.
Incidentally Charles is originally Germanic means 'free man '- or' inner freedom strength and resilience' depending on where you google

It sounds as though they think that you have stolen their thunder. They expected their baby to be the first in the family and getting all the attention.

What does your partner think about his sister's comment. She is insulting his baby too, while passing it off as a joke.

She just couldn't suppress her inner bitch.
Nasty!