Dd, boyfriend and flat purchase

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Dd has been renting with her boyfriend. She has told me they have discussed getting engaged next year. Out of the blue he was bought a beautiful flat in London by his family, and wants dd to move there with him. She would be paying rent for a finite period of time to cover certain costs.

My AIBU is that I feel if they plan to get engaged shortly, surely they should be buying together? We would have helped with a small deposit and dd earns as much as he does, if not more. I’m delighted for her boyfriend who I love, but also want DD to get onto the property ladder.

This isnt great news for DD.
He is going to have little incentive to Co purchase a house with her, because he's in clover. No housing costs and actually profiting from his relationship, due to DDs rent payments straight into his pocket. Meanwhile DD can't afford to buy alone and her rent obligations make it harder.
If this is a serious relationship with long term intent he certainly shouldn't be charging her rent.
I think if it were me I'd tentatively express 'surprise' if they get engaged and he's still acting like her landlord. Apart from that you just have to trust DD will make the right choices for herself.

Please excuse the ambiguity as don’t want to be outed but the rent will not be going to her boyfriend. I know you won’t understand without the details and I apologise, but her boyfriend is most certainly not looking to make money from her.

My nephew has moved at least three different women into his home over the past six years and they've been paying towards his mortgage until he dumped them.

I'd rather my daughter buy with her boyfriend than effectively be a lodger in his home.

Why would she be paying rent?

I completely understand why you're delighted for him, it's a wonderful opportunity for him. But please look at this from your daughter's financial future.

His parents bought the flat outright. She will be paying rent to them while he builds equity at zero cost. She earns as much or more than he does, yet she gets nothing back. If she ends up doing most of the housework too, does she now as they are currently living together? she is subsidising his lifestyle while her own savings take a hit

'Getting engaged next year' is just talk, not a contract. His family are putting him first, so your daughter needs to put herself first too.

If they are building a life together, why is she paying rent to his parents rather than buying jointly with your deposit? If they hesitate, that tells you everything.

Encourage her to protect herself. Love is not a substitute for financial security.

YABU to get involved? I respectfully disagree. My parents never got involved and I wasted a fortune for renting in London, for years. I wish my parents got involved. Oh, how I wish they got involved! Unless you are really, really rich, you should never pay rent, you should pay your mortgage. Then if things go wrong, you can buy each other out, etc. etc. If you rent, you throw money down the drain.
P.S. She should certainly not be paying his mortgage thought, it is not her asset.

He is in clover - love, love, love!!!!

Getting engaged next year' is just talk, not a contract. His family are putting him first, so your daughter needs to put herself first too.

I wish could shake your hairy paw!!!!!!! Bravo!

When women post here about their partners moving in with them but they don't want to pay rent they are called cock lodgers.

I don't see how this disadvantages the DD, the OP is offering her a small deposit so she can easily get on the property ladder. Both the DC here are incredibly privileged!

She should try to save for her own deposit so later on when they are more committed they can buy together.

I’d try to reframe your thinking. She’ll (presumably) get a good deal on the rent, giving her chance to save. If she stays with the boyfriend, it will eventually become “their” flat, or he can sell it and pool with her savings to get a joint property. If they split, she’ll have savings to move on and buy somewhere herself. It sounds like a win win to me and good luck to her 😀

It’s difficult to advise when you give little detail. You say she’s paying rent but it’s not going to the boyfriend. Is she paying it to his parents? Do they part own the flat and she is the ‘tenant’? Sounds a bit complicated.

I know you're trying to not be outing but is the property definitely an asset in the boyfriends name/possession? Had a friend in a similar situation who eventually married but it turned out the marital home was never a marital asset.

If rent is reasonable and allows her to then save adequately then it's not necessarily a poor financial decision, assuming the property would become a marital asset in future.

Discuss the pros and cons with her so she can make an informed decision.

Why wouldn’t they be in a flat forever? We live in a large mansion flat in zone 1 in London. We bought this 25 years ago and it’s certainly our forever home. Personally, I’d rather live in a large flat than a tiny house.

She should save massively in a stocks and shares ISA. Not a buy to let. An ISA is more robust and flexible than property and will give her more options for the future. If she marries bf, they will both have a flat plus an investment. And if she splits from him, she can use the ISA with all its growth for her deposit.

Yes it's a good deal for her at this stage of life.

I'm not convinced you giving her a deposit on a BTL would be wise to be honest. She'd be better off getting some legal advice and making sensible investments.

I assume they're very young still?

is he having this flat bought outright for him? If so, it’s not great that he’s making her pay rent. I wouldn’t agree to that. Bills yes, but if he doesn’t have a mortgage to pay he’s just taking money from her for nothing. It feels exploitative.

If he’s buying it with a mortgage and a gifted deposit, it doesn’t make much difference if she’s paying rent to him or to a landlord. Ideally she should be paying less rent to him than she would to a landlord as I assume her boyfriend isn’t seeking to profiteer off her.

if they get married, the sensible thing to do would be to get on the mortgage & ownership title as tenants in common. Add her deposit to the mortgage and she will own a portion of it.

Tell her to live in the day. No one knows what’s round the corner. If they’re happy at the moment just enjoy life.

Am I missing something? If he owns a house and they get married, she automatically gets some equity in the house legally, whether she has contributed or not.

What kind of ‘man’ expects his partner to pay rent! That’s horrendous
Sounds pretty normal to me, also ghe other way round.
Its called ' rent' in the same way as some parents charge their working adult kids 'rent' it helps cover household expenses. Maybe the flat is leasehold or has annual maintenance fees. Why should a person not contribute if they are living there.

Landlord would have to pay tax on profit. So if it's paying part of a mortgage then I'd expect it to be less than rent from a private landlord. They aren't taxed or have lots of legal loopholes to jump through.

Not if it’s an asset from before the marriage rather than accrued during.

yes agree she should be paying less rent than to a landlord