AIBU to expect grandparents to wrap birthday presents for young children?

[Stoptheworldiwanttogetoff]

I feel like this is a really petty issue to be annoyed about but my partners parents never wrap birthday presents for my DC. They are 8 and 5 years old now but this has always been the case and for me I feel like part of the excitement of birthday presents for kids is the unwrapping. They just shove the presents in a bag and give them to my DC some time near their birthday so if it’s a few days beforehand they can see exactly what they have got so no lovely surprise on their actual birthday. My DPs siblings do the same thing so not sure if it’s a family thing. All my family wrap presents and I thought it was just standard practice. As an adult I wouldn’t really care but for children I just feel like it takes away some of the magic of birthdays. It comes across to me that they just can’t be arsed. Before people start jumping on about being ungrateful blah blah blah, I am grateful that they get my DC gifts and my DC will always thank them for whatever they are gifted. And to cover any other bases, they are retired so not that they don’t have time and they are well off so not that they can’t afford wrapping paper and tape! They make very little effort with my DC anyway so maybe that is a factor in how I feel about this but please let me know if I am being unreasonable for expecting presents for young children to be wrapped

A gift bag or a carrier bag? Gift bags are lovely and practical and can be reused many times. If they have taken the time to choose a suitable gift, put it in a nice bag and given it to the child in good time for their birthday yabu.

I use gift bags that come with tissue paper and close the bags. I rarely wrap presents anymore.

So to be fair, they usually do put it in a gift bag. Not taped closed and handed directly to the child so I don’t have the chance to wrap them myself (not that I would anyway as I don’t feel like I should have to cover up their lack of effort). So if it’s several days before their birthday they can see straight away what they have got. I normally save presents until their actual birthday rather than have them open them whenever they receive them.

Nope, stuff that faff. Have only done present bags for the last 35 odd years and not stopping now. It’s all my kids ever knew, and they have not grown up unable to function because of this.

Mind you, we were also on team ‘no presents until they understand the occasion and what a present is’. That was well and good until the older ones were old enough to think it odd that Santa didn’t give young siblings a gift (in the ‘spirit of giving’ we would tell them to hand over their safe packaging which would make young ones just as happy as a gift frankly). It’s okay before they go to school as they believed Santa only gave gifts once you reached a certain age, but then they have schoolmates saying ‘no, he comes to my younger brother/sister as well’. But the wrap vs bag never came up in schoolyard discussions it seems😁.

If it’s such a big deal to you have you thought about asking them to wrap them.

Edit just seen your update about gift bags - you are being petty

I feel like part of the excitement of birthday presents for kids is the unwrapping.

You feel like that, I've always found the wrapping paper to be a mix of boring and stressful. I hate destroying the paper by ripping it, so I'd have to carefully unpeel it, then be sad/annoyed if I tore it. I always preferred just seeing my gift and having the immediate "wow!" of it. I always felt wrapping paper was more about the giver wanting to make a production of gift giving rather than done with the child in mind.

Thank you, I know I’m being petty but I’m glad at least somebody agrees with me that not wrapping gifts (for children at least) is unusual!!

I cannot get over how sad it is that you even think this let alone post it on here.

That will be why this is even an issue.

This is how I feel. They haven’t gone to the effort to think of a lovely present my DC will love. They have asked for specific gift ideas for their DGC because they barely have a relationship with them so would have no idea what they would actually like (their choice not mine). So I send them a link for something to get for them, they order it and then shove it in a bag to hand over to my DC. Like you, some years I have ordered it for them myself and then dropped it off with them so they have even less to do. My problem with the lack of gift wrapping is more likely my reaction to their overall lack of effort with my DC in general.

Yes, it’s lazy and sounds to me like they can’t be arsed with it. I mean, I’d roll my eyes and not say anything, but it communicates that a birthday present is just an errand to be ticked off the list rather than a joy to see their grandchildren open. I bet they are like this with other things too.

I would start intercepting them and saying ‘I’ll take that as we want it to be a surprise’ and then tape the top of the bag in front of the present giver.

Some people are just low effort and these people often bring other issues within a family. My mum is an arse. She started with an open gift bag, then a Tesco carrier bag, then I was asked to buy gifts and she’d give me the money to save her making effort. I ended up just saying don’t bother. She’s fully able and would spend days looking for gifts for people she wanted to impress, all nicely wrapped with ribbon and bows.

I wouldn’t take too much notice of posters telling you to be happy with low effort. Mumsnet has a reputation for hating any fun being had for birthdays and there is a lot of hatred for parents and children on here which is getting out of hand.

In the real world, people wrap presents, tape up bags or use tissue to hide the gifts.

As a GM myself (to 3 of them) I can’t imagine not wrapping presents! - birthday and Christmas.

Been there and now hardly see them at all. My children are young adults and my mum now moans that my children don’t go to see her. I’m not sure what she expected. Relationships require some effort from both sides. She made none, on birthdays or any other day and as time goes on, the consequences of that start showing.

Same issue here, complicated by the fact they are very involved with their daughter’s children.

I tried for years to protect my DC from it. Handing over the gift in the carrier bag I gave it to them in was one of the final nails in the coffin. The relationship now is formal and distant. I won’t spend any more of my time or energy on it.

DH is early 60s, but his parents never wrapped any birthday or Christmas presents for him or his brothers. When it was Christmas, they knew by the position on the table whose presents were whose!

So they put it in a gift bag? Honestly that makes this whole annoyance even more ridiculous. Just because someone does something differently to you it doesn't mean they are wrong and you are right. The correct response to receiving a present is thank you, not a thread bitching about its presentation.

Oh fgs. Pretty much everyone I know would consider a gift in a gift bag was wrapped.

Some people just don’t wrap presents. Especially Christmas presents. Half the excitement is seeing a pile of wrapped presents!

Like I said in my OP (if you cared to read it competently) I am grateful for the gift and my DC will always thank them for it. I do understand how to respond to receiving a gift thank you very much.

It’s more a figure of speech.

Honestly, are these people really worth having them in your and your kids' lives? They are such low effort people that I can't imagine that your kids would miss them if you didn't try and maintain a relationship with them.

Many years ago my girls loved unwrapping presents when they were small. In fact under age 2 a big box and colourful paper would occupy them for ages before they even played with gifts. Grandkids are now the same. After all that box could be a space ship or a den or anything....

I wrap gifts but my DH has always found wrapping presents very wasteful. It really bothers him on birthdays or at Christmas when he sees loads of paper going in the bin. He always tries to save and reuse it where possible. I don't worry about it in the same way, but I can see where he is coming from.

People have different views about what is important when it comes to gift giving. The polite thing to do is to accept the gifts graciously regardless of how they are presented, and to teach your kids to do the same. Aren't they lucky to have kind grandparents who buy presents for them?

I find there are two camps of people. Those who use wrapping paper and bows and things and then those who put the present in a bag and maybe some tissue paper. Neither are wrong just how they do things