AIBU to feel pressured by my sister’s gift wishlists?

[melindarra]

Hi guys! English is not my first language so i hope u guys can be nice :)

so the thing is that my sister is very serious when it comes to wishlist (birthdays and Christmas) for her kids one is soon 6 and the other is 11 years old, my youngest nephew’s birtdhay is coming about a month and my sister always makes wishlists with dif stuff but mostly over 40$ and little on 20$ and even expensive legos and bed sheets n stuff.

And she made
an thing on facebook event to invite friends where she put a wish list in the facebook event wich wasnt the baddest one but 3 days later she sendt me message «timmy would really wish one of those big plushies u have as a birthday gift😁» i know its a wish but i feel its different when i get to decide a gift to him instead og my sister kinda ordering and «try to choose « what i should give him.

I wasn’t thinking of spending that much on a gift because im saving for other stuff ect travels, house. But ofc id buy him something i know hed like. She does same for chritsmas to try to ask/nag me if imma buy them that or that bcs she prob order it before they sell out. And to say i have a daughter aswell and i never try to push wishlists on people like that, i may write some hints because they ask for it but more where they feel free to choose whatever they feel like. But my sister is more like that she wants to make SURE they get exactly what they wish for. And idk if im being unreasonable but i find it kinda exhausting to be honest.

If you were close to your sister you’d drop her a line “sis! I’m on a budget and as much as I adore DN / DS, I can’t stretch to even the cheapest item on your wish list. Any other suggestions or do I go for a surprise?”

@indigox
not exactly but its on total 55$

So you won’t consider this approach?

@Theendoftheroll im not that close with her i dont see her often than 1-2 times a month same with my nephews. And my sister would not take it maybe that well or idk bcs she sees me buying my boyfriend of soon 5 years in our relationship an more expensive gift because my mom tells everything 😆

Right, so you aren’t close to her.
in fact… you don’t seem to even really like her
So maybe just buy whatever you want and… 🤷‍♀️ if she kicks up a fuss.
it needn’t be drama

I love a list, but I'm obviously in the minority here. I'd much rather get something that is wanted and will be used and enjoyed, rather than left in a pile in the corner.

@Toastersandkettles this is a big plushie but kids and even my kid have had big plushies who they dont even care bout anymore like its fun a lil while n then it just lays on bed or ground pluss this is a weighted pluss one or idk what name

Bite the bullet and tell her you are going to cut back to $10 per occasion each as you are saving up for whatever.

If she kicks off then tell her you won't bother at all if she'd rather they got nothing from you.

Be brave

My brother and sister let me know what is best for their kids (no kids myself so it’s not reciprocated). But they know my budget is £20 for birthdays and £10 for Christmas (I have a lot of kids to buy for so that’s my limit at Christmas as it mounts up….) and they give me suggestions of that amount of money or less. Or I suggest something if I have seen something I think they will like. Or the teens now just get money in a card if they want something bigger from everyone collectively. Is very easy and helpful all round.

What nationality are you @melindarra ?

You say you dont see your sister much
Maybe 1-2 times a month
So on average every 2 weeks
That is often? And you arent close?

It’s a regular thing on Mumsnet… family members who don’t seem to like each other, let alone love each, live locally to one another, spend lots of time together and invariably holiday together. All the while pissed off with each other!

You buy what you can afford not what your DSis order

I'd totally ignore it now and in the future. It's over the top behaviour.

It's gabby and grasping. Just ignore it.

How about teaming up with another aunt or your mother to buy one of the suggested gifts.
Or giving your sister money towards one of the gifts.

Otherwise just use her suggestions to help you choose a gift within your own budget.

She doesn't feel bad about not spending equally on your child, so you kind of have to learn to toughen up and not be so sensitive to her opinion. No one has a right to spend your money for you - you don't need to feel guilty for not complying with unreasonable demands.

I think when people make wish lists they put on things they wouldn't buy themselves, luxury items if you like. So I would take it as a guide and look at cheaper options or just get what you like. There was a thread on here yesterday about making a wish list and wanting real silk pillowcases, which are obviously expensive, for someone else to buy, so I don't think it is always a "this or nothing" thing to make but more "if you want to spend a little extra". You know her best though, if she is very judgemental and likes things a certain way I would just be honest and say you can't afford the things on the list at the moment so hope she will be happy with what you give regardless (try to keep to any themes on her list to show thoughtfulness).

Someone in dh’s family does this.. any excuse for a list which she shamelessly foists on people. Grabby and irritating.