AIBU to feel pressured by my sister’s gift wishlists?

[melindarra]

Hi guys! English is not my first language so i hope u guys can be nice :)

so the thing is that my sister is very serious when it comes to wishlist (birthdays and Christmas) for her kids one is soon 6 and the other is 11 years old, my youngest nephew’s birtdhay is coming about a month and my sister always makes wishlists with dif stuff but mostly over 40$ and little on 20$ and even expensive legos and bed sheets n stuff.

And she made
an thing on facebook event to invite friends where she put a wish list in the facebook event wich wasnt the baddest one but 3 days later she sendt me message «timmy would really wish one of those big plushies u have as a birthday gift😁» i know its a wish but i feel its different when i get to decide a gift to him instead og my sister kinda ordering and «try to choose « what i should give him.

I wasn’t thinking of spending that much on a gift because im saving for other stuff ect travels, house. But ofc id buy him something i know hed like. She does same for chritsmas to try to ask/nag me if imma buy them that or that bcs she prob order it before they sell out. And to say i have a daughter aswell and i never try to push wishlists on people like that, i may write some hints because they ask for it but more where they feel free to choose whatever they feel like. But my sister is more like that she wants to make SURE they get exactly what they wish for. And idk if im being unreasonable but i find it kinda exhausting to be honest.

I just feel its kinda stressing😆

“Thanks, it’s great to have some suggestions, but I really enjoy choosing my own gifts for your kids.”

She's very rude to try and dictate what you buy for her children. It's entirely up to you what you want to give them - you're not obligated to get them anything at all!

I think I’d be very honest with her and tell her you can’t spend that much 4 times a year. Does she buy you gifts?

Just ignore the wishlist and send a gift voucher for what you can afford or wish to spend.

She can contribute to the Lego or whatever herself if she wants her DC to have it.

@Cherrysoup not on my birthdays we only buy for each other on chritsmas. But i think my sister thinks because im their aunt i need to buy more better gifts for them..

What does she get/how much does she spend on your child’s gifts?

Are the plushies the most expensive item on the list?

@Shinyandnew1 this year was the first time my daughter got birthday gifts from her on her birthday from my sister, i think she also spends 40$ on her in chirtsmas and about 25$ on birthday gift

I think you buy a gift voucher towards a store the gifts are available at. I think we all get given so much crap for our kids I can’t blame a mother trying to prioritise things she knows they’ll like or play with

Nip this in the bud now. Tell her you’ve already bought gifts and they will stay a surprise.

@nomas

since is still one month ahead i haven’t yet tought of a gift😆

It’s a very odd to share a wish list for a birthday unless specifically asked for one - to help give ideas really.

Weddings sometimes have gift lists and wouldn’t seem unusual.

Basically your sister is deciding what she wants her children to receive but doesn’t want to buy it all herself, so sends the list out. Very tacky!

I think you should reply with ‘thanks for the idea but I’m all sorted for X’s birthday. I quite enjoyed choosing the present I think he’ll like, so will probably do this again at Christmas too’.

She doesn’t need to know this.

@47YO
thats my feeling to that mades it exhausting because its like « i want my son to have this but i rather someone else buy it instead» i mean sure the kid could have wished for it but i still find it a bit tacky to send a message to me privately after she posted the wishlist on the Facebook event thing. I dont mind wishlist if its like an idea and yea it is a different thing if people ask for one than getting one planted on their faces right away 😆

Just ignore her.

If she's putting things like bed sheets on a list, then I can virtually guarantee that her child did not request those! She wants someone else to pay the bill for items that she wants her children to have!

You don't have to do this. It's okay to say no, to tell sister that you want to choose your own gifts - some of the best presents I've had are the things that other people have thoughtfully chosen for me, that I didn't even know I needed, until I got them! She's ruining that for her own kids.

The other thing to remember is that if she has more children than you, then you are spending 2 or 3 times the money that she is spending on your child. You say this is the first year she's bought for your daughter? Unless your daughter is a baby, your sister is being what Mumsnet calls a 'cheeky fucker'. You could tell your sister that you have an annual budget and because she has more than one child, you'll be splitting that money between them, not doubling it!
Or buy a gift card. Or just ignore the list and buy what you think they'd like.

Bit remember, just because a person asks for something, it doesn't mean you have to provide it.

Ignore the list and maybe even say privately that its not very classy

@Aiming4Optimistic
Thats my thinking to bcs i dont think a kid would want bed sheets for their bday😆 or some of the other stuff on her list for him its 100% thats its thing she wants him to have and cant afford all of it. My daughter is 7 years old, i think my sis didnt buy my kid gifts bcd of money n stuff going on her life but she still buys her kid some expensive gifts for their bday. But now looking back at it a gift of even 5$ or 10$ would have been better than nothing especially sine all years ive been giving hers bday n Christmas gifts. But now i have other priorities than spending double and lot on her kids bday and Christmas. Bcd the kids if u buy them something they like they happy n play with it so its not the kids but my sister expectaions to her wishlists.

I think wish lists are a great idea.
As the child actually gets what they want.
But i think they should start with things from £5 and should never be pushed upon people who havent asked, cant afford it.

Are you close to her?

The fact you have started a thread about her indicates it is not a relationship you are entirely at ease with

@AlwayAnxious

agree i dont mind wishlists because it gives insights of what the person likes n wants but it should also not be tons of expensive gifts either and neither the person likes my sister thst chatted me privately «btw he wishes a plushie just like thr one u have🙈😆» and that plushie thr middle sized is all gone n the one she preffered was 50$ n i was thinking like u tryna choose the gift from me? Yea no..

Your writing style is incredibly slangy / colloquial / short hand for someone who says English isn’t their first language!

I hate gift lists, personally I’d just ignore and get the kid something you think they’d like within your budget.

I have 6 nieces and nephews and put a £15 budget on birthday and £10 on Christmas which still adds up!

Totally rude and self absorbed. When it’s a birthday of any of my nieces or nephews, I ask the parents if there’s anything specific they’d like or would he/she prefer a surprise. It’s my choice to ask that question and I would totally resent a wish list every year (it feels different for a new born, for some reason).