AIBU to think my husband hid that I was in the room?

[Waheymum]

Those morning, DH was on a video-call to his mother, with our toddler on his lap. I went in and sat down, feeding the baby. MIL (who is for some reason opposed to breastfeeding- I suspect it's because she didn't do it) asked after the baby, DH said something like "oh, DW is just feeding her". At that moment, the baby came off and I said something like "she's off now, you can have her?" and DH shook his head at me. No idea what's going on there. I'm not allowed to speak to MIL because I had an argument with her after DH scapegoated me (long story, dysfunctional in-laws) a while ago, but later messaged her, apologised, explained (along the lines of) it's mad to be causing a rift in the family and we need to get on for the sake of my DH and DCs. She seemed to accept the notion that we at least need to appear to get on. I assume she hasn't mentioned this to DH. I can't remember if I did, possibly, possibly not.

N.B. I wasn't going to be on the call at any point, I was simply offering to hand the baby to my husband. Maybe he didn't want to admit I was in the room? Any other logical explanations?

This is a massive overthink on your part given your DH has extensive trauma from her. If he did do that then it is highly unlikely to be about you so don't dwell on it. The man will have had to learn coping mechanisms as a child that don't always translate well into adulthood and he will likely behave at times in ways that you wouldn't.

Yes, this is the main problem. About the breastfeeding, sometimes women of her age were pressured to feed in a certain way-a friend not much older than me said even in the noughties, the midwives pushed breastfeeding and made women who couldn't do it feel awful. That doesn't make it ok for her to tell you what to do, but it might help to think she's not being nasty deliberately, she maybe has trauma.
I think really you, she and your husband need to get together, get on the same page and all keep trying for a good relationship, sounds like your husband doesn't know what's going on.

So, she’s an abusive alcoholic then? And for whatever reason, your husband blamed you for something so she turned her anger to you, and then your husband told you never to speak to her so you cousins sort it out (as much as it can be sorted with an abusive alcoholic). Then you messaged behind his back, and you’re all acting like this is normal?

Seems you have a husband problem as well as an in-law problem.

I would have assumed the head shake meant he didn't want to hold the toddler, the baby and the phone all at once. Pretty stupid suggestion really as one of the three would have ended up being dropped on the floor.

One, why not ask your DH , instead of us?
Two, tell your DH that you guys have spoke, and cleared the air.
Three, leave his calls with his family for him to deal with, you don't need to offer up the little one, or be around for the calls, especially if you guys have a history of not seeing eye to eye.

He was on a call, didn't want to be interrupted or carry on the call longer than needed. What a weird post.

Every single thread someone says ‘what did he say when you asked …’ obviously she hasn’t asked.

Your parents and his parents are separate people, they don't think the same way.

If your DH has a complicated family past, your best route is to let him take the lead. You don't understand them like he does.