AIBU to wait until the mortgage is paid before leaving?

[missedtherainbow]

On holiday and realised that my marriage is over.
I just don’t want to do this anymore.
Realistically it’s been over for years we’ve both just been too lazy to do anything about it. Nothing awful just no affection, nothing in common. I don’t actually think we even like each other very much.
It’s a bit of a complicated set up but our own children are adults now, still living at home but they are adults.
We have less than 2 years left to pay on the mortgage and I’m thinking as soon as it’s paid off I’m just going to walk away.
It will leave them all financially stable.
I just don’t want to carry on pretending anymore but could stick it out until the mortgage is paid off and then just disappear.
The complicated bit is that we have other children living here (not related to me) but they will be 18 or over by the time the mortgage is done.
Im not sure I’m asking anything really, just no one to talk to in real life and it feels more definite putting it down somewhere.

What is wrong with 50/50? You don't have to wait for 2 years to divorce. As judge will ensure asset sharing is fair. Why would you want to walk away from your own DC?

Why would you just walk away from a valuable asset you presumably own half of?

2 year mortgage balance must be quite small, why not just split now if you’re that unhappy?

And you would be v U to “disappear” from your children’s lives.

Sounds ridiculous to me OP, YANBU to
leave your marriage but you need a better plan

I would just leave. 2 years is a very long time to be unhappy. Are you in a position to pay off the mortgage early? I’d also be very wary about giving up any interest in the house, you will still need somewhere to live and the money could be useful if you need to set up another home.

Being honest, you are being naive thinking your ex will run his life in a way that sees to your children's needs. You walk away, he moves someone else in and out they go. You need to legalise your half, to get a say and so your children don't lose their inheritance.

Is your marriage truly done? I mean, have you tried anything to get it back on track? Anybody else on the scene?

And why walk away from an asset that you’ve paid into?

Do not give up any interest in the house.
That would be foolish.
You can allow them to live their and pay utilities etc., and you move out.

It would be spectacularly silly to do this.
He could meet someone else and marry, drop dead, and the house would be gone.

This happened to my friends father within two years of her mother dieing suddenly.
Her inheritance gone completely.
Everything to his new wife, when she was 19.
A shit show.

You can move out and agree to hold off on selling for a few years, but still get your share.

Get legal advice.

Please see a GP. You are not thinking straight.

My mum did exactly what you suggested you could do. Her marriage was a boring slog. My dad was not the one. She felt guilty however for wanting to leave so she signed the house over to him.

On his death it got split between me and his girlfriend’s kids. So money she meant for me is in part going to a strangers adult kids, who incidentally are older than me and have higher tax band husbands/ex husbands and mortgages paid off. They do not need the money. I have no partner and a disability that has reduced my earning capacity for over a decade and i have really struggled. I don’t even have my inheritance yet as the girlfriend is allowed to stay there until she moves out/dies etc. As confirmed by my lawyer.

My mother did not intend that. She wanted me to get her share on my fathers death, but it’s not worked out like that. So dont thibk it’s straight cut. It’s not.

Split up. One of you buys the other out or sell and move. Your kids will be fine. Do not remarry so they inherit from you in due course.

What the hell for?
Just giving him the house - why? Do you not pay towards it? How will you afford somewhere else?

Why would you give up on the house?

Are you wealthy and can just start again?

Not sure if it's that bad why you would wait. Life is too short

I would wait two years and then Just sell the house ! Split the difference ! And if you can adopted to give your kids a deposit and a see months for rental or to buy a house .

Are you wealthy? Can you comfortably sustain yourself financially? How many more years working? Will you leave your job?are you walking away from tour kids and wider family? It's a bizarre plan.

Please don't give up your share pf your house! Even if you let them live their for a while you can still own it. Agree with pp, don't martyr yourself. Even having half the house is a good asset for your spouse.

Absolute madness to give up your share.

Don’t do this. Apart from giving away your rights to the asset, which makes no sense, the only way to ensure your children are financially secure is to ensure it yourself. You can’t know he won’t remarry and will the whole lot to the new wife with your dcs getting nothing. This is very common.

And please, get some therapy. Your post is worrying.

Do not do this.

PLEASE get some advice before you do this and walk away.

Can you take a leave of absence or long service leave from work and go overseas for say 3 months or so to get your head together? I very much understand the desire to run away but this might not be the best option, maybe you just need some time out.

Do not give up your share in the house - madness. Get some financial/legal
advice asap. You deserve happiness and you’re a long time dead.

No of course you shouldn't give up your share of the house, unless you forgot to mention you've got millions in the bank and can buy another one outright without thinking twice. And if that is the case, definitely write your will so that your kids get your half. Or it'll all go to your husband's next (well, last) partner.

Why would you walk away?

You are entitled to walk away from a marriage and don’t have to “pay” for that right by giving up your interest in the house. What if your husband remarries and then passes away and the implication for your adult children and their inheritance?

would You be taking other assets to offset the house? Why not just use the remaining mortgage payments to offset part of your interest in the home?

when you divorce, you add up the assets and liabilities. The remaining mortgage is simply a number in a column.