AIBU to wait until the mortgage is paid before leaving?

[missedtherainbow]

On holiday and realised that my marriage is over.
I just don’t want to do this anymore.
Realistically it’s been over for years we’ve both just been too lazy to do anything about it. Nothing awful just no affection, nothing in common. I don’t actually think we even like each other very much.
It’s a bit of a complicated set up but our own children are adults now, still living at home but they are adults.
We have less than 2 years left to pay on the mortgage and I’m thinking as soon as it’s paid off I’m just going to walk away.
It will leave them all financially stable.
I just don’t want to carry on pretending anymore but could stick it out until the mortgage is paid off and then just disappear.
The complicated bit is that we have other children living here (not related to me) but they will be 18 or over by the time the mortgage is done.
Im not sure I’m asking anything really, just no one to talk to in real life and it feels more definite putting it down somewhere.

What difference will paying the mortgage off have? Are you just going to give up your interest in the house to your wife?

What's the thinking behind waiting until the mortgage is paid? Are you willing to walk away with nothing? Are the other adults (inc H) unable to pay the mortgage?

Have I missed something? Where does it say it’s a wife OP is leaving?

It will leave my husband and children financially secure they won’t need to sell the house.
Yes I will give up any interest in the house.

What about you and your needs? You'd still be sacrificing your happiness for the sake of others which is what's been making you unhappy for so long.

Please don't martyr yourself! I would go to the doctor and ask for some help, you sound depressed? Go on some antidepressants or try some talking therapy and then decide.

Sorry, misread it.

When you say you’ll disappear do you mean you’ll have zero contact with your H and your children and just start over somewhere else?

How would you manage financially?

Why do you need to walk away with nothing?

How are you going to house yourself? You can’t make yourself homeless and claim for housing costs for renting.

Oh crikey do t give up in the share of the house unless you are a multi millionaire.

Are the kids/ other kids in the deeds would they all be in line for a share?

Why would you do that?!

I’m confused. Do you have other shared assets? Otherwise you could end up with no money, disinheriting your DC. A judge signing off a financial settlement has to agree it’s broadly fair.

Can you elaborate?

Also if you walk away, it leaves the house to your DH. If he remarried then potentially he leaves that house to his new partner and your children end up with nothing? Again, why would you do that. Even if you don’t need the money now?

Speak to a divorce lawyer before you do anything!

I was going to post that it's got to get past the judge for the financial settlement to be approved. It's not as simple as walking away.

Please don’t do this, even if you let them live in the house for x number of years, don’t give away your right to a share in the equity.

Dont hand over your share of the house. It would have to be sold and is a good reason for your adult children to find their own house.

Why would you do this? Unless you’re a high earner and would exchange your rights to the house for pension or other assets? I agree with ensuring children can finish schooling with the least disruption possible, so if that means waiting a couple of years to sell the house and you can afford that that is very generous. But longer term it’s ok to leave a marriage you no longer want to be in. Do it fairly and honestly but there’s no moral superiority it letting your husband have everything.

i fully admit this is one post, but you’re coming across as very depressed. The talk of just “walking away”, “disappearing”, “not wanting to pretend”. An unhappy marriage may well be contributing to that but if that is how you feel a lot of the time please do reach out for mental health support.

You don't have to wait till the mortgage is paid off. If you wanted to, you could continue paying your share after the marriage is done with. If you can afford to give up the house, presumably, you are financially secure enough to be able to afford somewhere to live as well as your share of mortgage repayments.
If not, then I am not sure what the rationale is for leaving everything to your husband. Yes, your husband - not your children. They will not be financially secure if you decide to leave with nothing. Your husband can easily write a will to leave the property to, say, unrelated children who live with you leaving your kids with nothing.

You don’t have to wait until the mortgage is paid off before you leave, however please speak to a divorce lawyer as you should be more than entitled to a proportion of the shared finances/ house. Just because there are adult children living in the house doesn’t mean you should get nothing!

Have you spoken to your husband about how unhappy you are?
Could you be depressed? Perimenopause? Either of those things can be helped with a visit to your GP.

Why would you walk away from an asset?

I can’t really see what difference 2 years will make. As a starting point you own 50% of the house, your DH owns the rest. Whether the house has 2 years left or is paid off is irrelevant, there would likely be a situation of one buying the other out if anyone wanted to remain, or it’s sold and you buy elsewhere.

You’re being a martyr, there is no need to wait 2 years if you want to separate.

If you literally just walk away surely your husband will never be able to sell the house as it’ll still be in your name. Or move in and get remarried. What if he is also depressed or dies without your knowledge cos you’re busy being away and no one can find you.

Who are the minors in the house?

so many questions and hope you’re just venting but seriously don’t get if you’re this checked out why you would wait 2 years cos a house you’re walking away from?!?

I've voted that you are unreasonable only because you should absolutely NOT give up your entire share of the house, unless you are a multi millionaire with other properties. Please don't do that. Leave the man, leave the marriage, but you are fully entitled to house yourself and keep your share of the marital assets.