How much do you spend on work clothes?

[TheJuryIsOut]

I'm starting a new job in a school in September so need some smart casual clothes. I'm basically starting from scratch as I've been a SAHM for several years and live in leggings/baggy sweatshirts.

So I'll need a variety of tops, jumpers, trousers, maybe a couple of dresses, tights, at least one pair of comfy shoes maybe two. I also need some new basics like underwear and socks.

If it's relevant DH works offshore and earns around £110k, we have 4 kids.

He seems to really be begrudging me buying new clothes and is wanting me to spend as little as possible.

What would be a reasonable budget for this? I'm not wanting designer stuff, just things from the high street.

I've recently seen something about the 3 3 3 rule and how to mix and match outfits. Can't recall what it is exactly but look it up. Your husband sounds like an arsehole. He should want you to look good going back to work, supporting his wife after giving him your body, time, love and effort in having 4 children, no easy task!! But see if the 3 3 3 thing could work for you

This nails it really.

I've been a SAHP and always had access to whatever my DH was earning. I never had to ask for money. He trusted me to buy what I needed/wanted and not to take the piss.

I hope the new job goes well, OP. Keep your money in a separate account and quietly think about things.

I'm a teacher and spend very little on clothes because (apart from undies and shoes) most of the stuff I wear for work is from charity shops. But that's my choice.

Your DH is incredibly well paid and shouldn't be setting a budget or rolling his eyes if you need to kit yourself out in a new wardrobe for a new job. He sounds unpleasant and controlling.

I would say 500 but that's not the point. Why on earth should you not have equal access to family money?

I'm retired now but used to get tops and trousers from M&S. I got a few jackets from charity shops and apart from winter when jumpers were needed I kept things to a minimum. You will no doubt need a waterproof coat along with shoes and a suitable bag. I would tell your DH you need new clothes so he needs to give you enough.

🤔

@TheJuryIsOut do you have a nanny or au pair or any other domestic help? Never forget that if you were not there, your husband would have to pay someone at least the living wage to look after his children and the house.

Why is he content to treat you so badly? Nothing but sweatshirts and leggings and no haircuts?

Is there a back story you haven’t shared?

Do you have any friends or family?

do you have a nanny

I think a lot of people on here are overestimating a £110k income. A nanny for four kids on a single £110k income is not realistic at all. Once either parent earns £100k+, you stop being eligible for any of the reliefs that other people take for granted like the tax free childcare etc. Yet, the take-home pay will be much less than two parents who are each on £55k.

The husband may well be stingy and controlling, but budget may actually be tight. Both things can be true at the same time.

Take home pay on £110k is around £72k. The mortgage could well be £30k or more. Bills including council tax another £20k maybe. Then you've got food and outings, for a family of 6.

A full time nanny is more than £40k once you've paid the NI contributions and stuff. It's impossible on this income, a nonsense suggestion.

Once op is at work (part time, or full time?) they will also need to pay for wraparound, maybe nursery for the youngest depending on ages.

It is very good that op is going to gain a bit of financial independence especially as it sounds like her H is financially controlling. But even after she does that, the family won't be loaded. The cost of living is very high atm.

Bills and council tax not including food or mortgage at £20k?!!! Come on you’re being utterly ridiculous.

I think you sound like someone who doesn’t habitually splurge on clothes, so it’s unlikely you’re going to go nuts and kit yourself out in designer clothes - so your husband should just trust you will spend what you need for a passable new work wardrobe, he doesn’t need a figure. If he insists, ask him what he spent on the last suit he bought, cos that’s one outfit…

I would say that in my kids’ primary, the teachers do dress quite casually (they pretty much all wear trainers rather than smart shoes for instance, and they might wear leggings with a big jumper or long shirt) so you might feel overdressed if you go full on office dress, but it might be different if you’re in a fancy school or in secondary - but if you aren’t sure then it’s worth not buying the whole wardrobe at first.

The OP doesn’t habitually splurge on clothes - or apparently even buy clothes - because she has no disposable income whatsoever.

For the entirety of her life as a SAHM her husband has only transferred to her money for bills and children’s needs. Nothing at all for her.

No we don't have any outside help. I don't really enjoy things like haircuts or getting my nails done so it's not like he's stopping me doing them it's just I never ask for money for that because it's not top of my priority list.

If he hasn't given you money for a trip to the hair stylists then he will need to do that. Him indoors sounds terrible ! You might easily need a jacket or two so you have a trouser suit if needed. Will you be wearing skirts and dresses if so these will need to be accounted for. A trench coat as well for warmer days and a good winter coat for very cold days. There is more than I first thought of .Your DH will just have to accept he will need to pay up.

He works offshore so he has uniform provided, he also isn't in to designer or expensive clothes so that's probably another reason he doesn't realise how much clothes can cost.

That's a good point, thank you I'll keep that in mind.

I spend around £500 per season on work clothes including shoes so about £1000 per year. I try and run a capsule wardrobe of 10-15 items in autumn/winter and spring/summer.

I mix up good staples (my go to are M&S, Next and H&M- my boobs are too big for Zara!) with Vinted finds from Karen Millen, Hobbs and similar. I also pay for alterations - tailoring is magic and not expensive!

Shoes - always leather! I used to buy cheap shoes because they looked amazing but my feet didn’t thank me.

Do you know what the household budget is like and what's affordable?

How often does the monthly amount he gives you increase due to rising costs?

It's not necessarily a bad way of running your finances providing that there is transparency about how much is coming in and what it is used for and that you have an equitable amount of personal spending money without having to ask. But it doesn't sound like you're there at the moment. There's also the issue about him being offshore and presumably unavailable to deal with household admin.

Seeing as you've been short for a while, you need some money to update your wardrobe and with your new income you need to review your budget together and make the changes necessary so you have easier access to money, eg your salary is paid into your personal account and some goes into a joint household account and some is kept back as your own money.

You starting a job might be a good time to sit down and discuss family finances - you should both come away with an equal amount of personal spending money and money to put into savings, you are a team.

Teacher here. It's difficult to start from scratch, I've built my wardrobe over the last 😫 yards. I definitely have clothes that are 20 years old.

What is the overall vibe of the school? That will give you a steer.

I'd buy 2 pairs of trousers, 5 tops/blouses, a dress, a skirt, 2 cardigans and, if you need it, a PE kit. That will give you enough to start with. For me, that would be £500+. I got a great pair of side stripe trousers earlier in the month from Tu for £20 but I also bought a pair from Cos which were £95.

I wear the same quality clothes for school as I do out of school as they last longer and hang better.

I use Vinted a lot it does give the chance of getting good brands without spending loads. But of course it will still need the outlay. Maybe DH needs to put his salary into a joint account. Make sure you have your own bank account. Ages ago on here a lady listed 2 pairs of trousers, 5 tops,2 skirts and 2 jackets as her minimum for work but she wasn't wanting to buy much more.

As someone who works in a school, I would get some basics now but wait until October half term to buy more.

Every school is different and has different interpretations of what smart casual means. You're better off sounding it out for half a term.

Charity shops can be good for tops for work. M&S have basic trousers that can be paired with anything.

I'm on the fence. I went back to work 25 years ago and recall buying two pairs of trousers and a couple of tops. I had tops that would do in my wardrobe and chelsea type boots. Livened it up with necklaces/scarves. Added to it once I'd started, so you do seem to be buying a lot.

However, DH never queried anything I spent and gave him a monthly itemised bill which included, haircuts and the odd lunch with friends. If I needed new underwear, I bought it. In the depths of infant childcare, he once left £250 on the kitchen table and told me to buy some new stuff.

As to budget, that's up to you, but I used to find plenty of simple smart work clothes at outlets like Boundary Mills. Everything machine washable, avoid plain pale colours, and don't get anything that would be ruined by one biro or felt pen stain. Try everything on, it should all be comfortable enough to move around in easily, including bending over, reaching up and crouching down without exposing underwear/too much flesh. Try all this in front of a mirror to check. Clarks shoes and boots are comfortable without breaking the bank.

They might have a 6 bedroom house as a family of 6. The council tax alone would be 4-5k. Sure you can quibble my individual figures but my point remains. £110k can't afford a nanny.

Unfortunately, @Kingdomofsleep you rather missed the point of my post.

I'm a teacher and tend to buy cheap clothes from Matalan, Sainsbury's or charity shops. My clothes sometimes get snagged or stained so my uniform is plain black trousers and a collection of plain shirts/ tops, cardigans and scarves. I can mix and match to make my top half more interesting.